I thought my heart was dead.
That I couldn’t feel affection for anyone,
not after everything he had done to me.

But then you came into my life,
so suddenly, I couldn’t see it coming.
I didn’t expect to like you.

I told myself I wouldn’t, or couldn’t, care for you.
You aren’t mine.
I don’t even know if you’re interested.

But thank you for reviving a part of myself
I thought I’d never see again.
Even if this is only a crush,

I’m glad my first was on you.

I won’t lie.
Once those eyes met mine,
I imagined.
When I watched you run your hands through your hair multiple times,
I daydreamed.
But when I saw that genuine smile and laugh you gave once I made you laugh,
I fell.

Realistically,
How could I
Ever be close to good enough
For you?

You're kind,
Funny, thoughtful, sweet,
Adorable, caring,
Overall wonderful.

What am I
Compared to you?

- Jay M
September 6th, 2019

Your sharp stare
Kills me,
Each time you look

Because I choose to hide
Underneath my smile

And my makeup
That is probably deceiving

But I hope you can see
My eyes can't lie.

They are always searching
Searching
For yours
To meet mine

For they are always wanting more.

Your words are crushing
My face is flushing
As you say
You never loved me

I won't be quiet
When you stifle my voice

I won't lay down
When you walk all over me

I won't be give up
When you crush my soul

I won't let you
Get me

Crushing on you is
Just like cutting my own skin
It only hurts me





-

When the world falls upon you and more,
   To gaze back,
Eyes glazed over the destruction.

The heart bleeds as if cut a thousand times,
And bleeds some more.

As to the beating tune beneath,
   It rages on.
...and so does the war.

The fight with oneself,
and the carriers of the pains you've now taken for granted...

There's only so much earth to break.

   Spread these ****** bones across the fields of my unvisioning,
Blind wakes close behind...

Warpath, I have taken.
   Shaken, is the thought of finding peace, again...

Until my end.
I will fight.

I know
I fancy you
Because
I got a notification on my emails
Telling me that you messaged me
And I was surprised
That it gave me butterflies
But that message was from
Yesterday when we were
Both busy

I know
I fancy you
Because I’m nervous
About when we’re
Going to be alone
Together
Instead of
Always hanging out in a group
And
Wondering
If I’m leaving
or staying  

I would stay if
It was just me
And you  

I know
I fancy you
Because I know that
On the other side
Of the phone
You’re probably nervous too