There was a somber sky.
and when I thought I felt a raindrop pounce on my arms,
I was sorely mistaken.

You hovered above me, stout defense in your eyes,
rounded fists and lips sealed.

I wanted to be sorry.

Your tears slithered down my arms,
my palms caught them,
and back onto your shirt they went.

"I could never be more sorry.
I could never feel worse.
I could never understand why I did this. "

Why don’t you give it a shot?

Imagine the hunting knife tucked neatly under your pillow,
drives a hole in your heart.
Imagine your throat swollen from sickness,
And someone asks you to swallow nails for dinner.
Try thinking about jumping off a cliff and landing on some rocks.

You could never, right?

Then why did it seem okay to do it to me?
Do you know how hard it is to scrub heartbreak out of the carpet?

my heart is so tired
I'm losing my voice
and bleeding out

kindness is a target for evil
disheartening doesn't begin to define this ache in my chest
maybe this is how it felt when they drove the nails into Jesus's hands

the only things that keep me breathing
are full of toxins
unfortunately, there are no warning signs of toxins that provide the fix I seek.

my manifesto is to mean what I say
do what I promise
more importantly it is to love.
I've learned that love is the ultimate sacrifice.

this world needs those of us who feel deeply and communicate effectively.  
a "friend" doesn't cut ties over something petty
a lover doesn't leave you because something is alleged to be true.

as a feeler, this will make sense to you.
if you are not comprehending this or not feeling a tug in your chest, go home, lay down and think about times in your life when you felt overlooked. really go back to that moment and feel it.

when you feel it, now know that other person is feeling that because of your actions.

love & art 1991,

henk holveck

What did I do to deserve a life like this?
I don't remember doing anything so wrong

Everyone around me is always so happy and cheerful but then I'm just left in the corner
Do I have to suffer in exchange of everyone's happiness?
Is that what's going on?

It would make more sense if it were that way

midnight every day
I lie in bed haunted by my own thoughts
and a question echoes through my bones
“can you really do it?”

almost two decades of the same thing
this question that bears down on me
is what I do enough?
is all of this exhaustion enough to prove something?

oftentimes I let myself be lost
between the lines and the colors and the textures
tangled in the words the world has bestowed upon me
trapped in the frames of what I display to the world

but with every piece I showcase
a part of me is eternally in each one
and the more I give to this earth
the less I have to myself

sometimes I let myself collapse into nothingness
breaking myself beyond repair
trying to find weakness and striking there
just to pour more into the art that I struggle to create

is there really anything good that will come out of this?
is using every ounce of my heart and soul worth every single day?

but if there is anything this cruel world has taught me
it is that I do not just give up on what I love
and what I love might be the death of me
and yet it is the immortality that will carry me on
it is the beauty that I am willing to leave behind

The world is as cruel as you see it
You see, I lived a life of a beggar
Constantly wishing for anything right to land my hand
As it extends to the air and space in front of me

Nothing, when I wished for nothing I got exactly what I wanted
I reached out and, fate,
Fate is crueler than you think it is,
than you leaving me with uncertainty and leaving me

you see, fate has always been on the upper hand
no regrets and never thinks twice
now when it decided we fall apart.
We fell apart.

Harder than you thought it was
Concrete was concrete
I landed perfectly on it
Bones broken, thoughts disoriented and tears flowing

Acceptance.
Acceptance was harder than healing
It was more painful, aggravating
Wearing a flowery mask, a façade, a disguise

The world shames
The people hate
The shooter aims
The helpless bait
Sitting on a rock
Admiring media talk
The reckless beings
Torture and stalk
The naive generation
Into the shocking ration
Shall I say the world is cruel
Or the people
Have turned this world half
*******!

©sim