The once sunny days
are replaced with the rainy
as wet as tears on my face

your infectious laugh
fills my ears
so desperately
until I can’t hear nothing more
than a faded memory

and the pictures on my phone
have been looked at
more than the work on my desk

your texts
aren’t as memorable
as the seconds of happiness
i squeezed out of us
like a sponge

and the time we spend
isn’t as fun
when we’re six feet apart

One rose; another.

Just wait for the rain, no thorn

touching the other.

Isolation
Inundated with information and ideas
Impersonal in spite of abundance
A window, short on context or connection
Yearning for people and personality
Connection, a shot away

When I first heard the word
existential
I thought “Ooh that’s posh
perhaps I’ll pepper it in conversations,
Bosh! and figure out later
what it means.”

Twonk I was, I only slowly
saw the word existence hidden
in the cleverness of syllables
and then I thought I got it

But not until a maw
began to daily swallow
more than a thousand souls
of families and carers,
teachers, truckers, nurses,
loved
did I become aware

And I was scared.

Not just life being lost
but existence
the whole ****** swirl and fanfare
of little faffs and laughing drunken,
first chuckles, first kisses, first footsteps,
Sunday roasts, broken hearts and ecstasies

The nail-clutch of my anxiety
floored me
but underneath an ember burned
and a fire-question unfurled and grew:

How did we let this be?

It took a year
For real life to strike

For angst and pain
And loss and blame
To seep into my being

For life to change
Beyond repair
To mock my naïve hopes
That one day not too long from now
We’d all be tossed a rope
an aid for getting back the life
I thought it was a given
Offered, earned or taken
No doubt this should be written

I have been mocked and laughed at
Humiliated fully
Who said the silver lining
Would ever be rewarded?

Who said that thinking bright and light
Would lead to us to be Kings?
Who said that keeping open arms
Would fill them with good things ?

The neighsayers, the doomsdayers
Now they reacted first
“Our lives will never be the same”
“Ridiculous “I cursed
if I can power through this thing
if I can hold my stead
then surely I’ll deserve it
no doubt I’ll be rewarded

But one year on and I’m still here
With nothing but one thought
They won, those ******* called it
life will never be retold

I’ll never see my favourite band
while squashed amongst my peers
I’ll never hold my child’s hand
and lead her in a cheer

I’ll never feel the pulse of crowds
that carry and transport me
to realms beyond myself
of ecstasy and joy

I’ll never share the joys of life
with the village I belong to

I’ll never give away my child
Surrounded by my friends

I’ve lost my veiled city walks
the company of strangers
those vagabonds, those chatterbombs
those rambling raging tourists

I’ve lost the freedom of a roam
in endless ***** markets
Of touching things and smelling them
And shaking hands with sellers

I want to squeeze into the tube
on an August summer’s day
and smell the sweat and body odours
by which I onced dismayed

I want to push across a bar
And plead to get my drink
and tut and huff towards the guy
who pushed to get ahead

I want to curse and shout and stomp
for my favourite football team
and fight with the opposing side
and trample on their dream.

I want my smile to be seen
by the burly shopping clerk
to roll my window down at lights
To greet an immigrant
I want to hand him my donation
to place it in his palm
and not be scared or worried
that I’ll end up coughing phlegm.

I want my children to live free
Of masks and antiseptic
and live a life that’s full and rich
with all relationships

A life complete with crowds and queues
and large scale celebrations
Of smelly loos, of flowing *****
And stinky sweaty ballrooms

The life that I once doubted
Despite my best intentions
And now its gone and I don’t know
if I will get it back.

A wasted year of optimism
Thinking all would be ok
A year of denial and
dare I say
a year of baseless consolation.

Christmas is here, and no one is celebrating:
Families can't meet up due to the R-ratings.
Everyone is in lockdown, the virus is not abating -
Spreading out of control, while for the vaccine we are waiting.
Along comes a variant strain, to blow our brains, has no one seen it coming?
Cases multiplying seventy times faster, the thought is mind numbing.

Everyone looks around, wondering who to blame;
I'm propped up on my bed, playing my matching game...
Knowing that in every way, tomorrow's world will not be the same.

The third world war - against an invisible enemy;
A war to TOP all wars - and a war for eternity!?
A war to TOP all wars - virus versus humanity.