I am the noble locked high away in the tower
I am the dragon below that seeks to devour
I am the gate, the parapet, the halls, and oobleette
Filled with treasures hoarded away, a gem not out of set

The dragon, born of the castle, grew along side the noble
Who stared out in awe of the world, tottering on a crooked crenellation
Being of beast its instincts and hunger took an earlier maturation
Yet unable to reach out of the walls, swipes of flame could still be sent
Scorches and nicks began to fill the gardens
While the noble tasked to straightening the stones

It took age to understand. To have the ground work for what a dragon is. Seeing it grow day by day, until dawning on the noble. The beast's head would eventually peak over the walls, know the world, and take flight. With a rush of horror, chains were built to tie down the monster. Posted inside, access only to the halls, soon separated down to the dungeons and locked below. A monster of anger blew its flame igniting the ceiling stone. Away to the highest point the noble ran, abandoning the keep if only not to burn their feet.

With the dragon out of sight and still seeking to view the world, the noble turned to making connections. But the igneous stone radiated. With each scorch left on those invited to the castle, a new brick made it's way. A decorative curtain of stone to dome the palace. Nary a brick letting in an ounce of sky, with a sliver of a gate.

The noble turned away from the world, thinking there was only pain to cause. They took shelter and sweltered. Waiting one day for a knight to break down the walls. Hoping a champion could stand the dragons heat and not turn. The noble led those in not burned by the stones. Letting them walk the halls, pointing out the ****** holes and pitfalls, the traps on display. Yet still leading them to a monster unconquered.
All fled to from the heat onrushing the dungeons depth, not even to see a claw.

Stood one knight that cooled the earth they walked. Stood one knight that wished to share the treasures scalding to touch. Stood one knight, a castle of their own. Yet chased away they were too. With a slackening of the chain, the grounds they left. Chased away by the noble who thought the knight could do not be harm.

With the knight came others, a company of compatriots. Combined they stood and made way. Presented pictions of well managed gardens. Of their own crumbling walls and remortared stones. Courage the noble took from them. To reach out and take a hand from them.

Tame the dragon
No more can this go on
I have to take control
The castle diagrams still exist
I used them to build the tools that made the lock
They're in disrepair, but can be mended
I must start now building. It will take time and stone, but I have the will
Down comes the dome
Repurposed to entry arches
I will turn that hated heart into enveloping warmth
I will open the treasury and share the treasures collected, the views I've obtained
I will come down from my tower and walk the halls of my body once more

High tide still rising
Life compromising
Fires igniting
Their ego enlightening
As they drown in the sea

In the emptiness of this moment,
I am witness to an avalanche.
My world, once solid
Is now water running through
My desperate fingers.

They say time stops in freefall,
but this isn't stopping;
This is stretching,
Like toffee pulled to its limits
Until the strands give and snap.

I stand so very still,
Like a statue carved
From all of this numbness,
Watching pieces of myself
Scatter like startled pigeons.

The sound.
Oh, the sound.
It is not in the breaking of,
But in its absence;
With so many conversations
That we'll never start or finish.

As empty rooms
Greet me with silence,
And dust motes float
Through spaces where
Our dreams once lived.

And all the while,
This acceptance
wraps around me like smoke,
And I know.
Oh, how I know,
That this is how change begins.

Not with wings,
But with the death
Of everything
That was once
So familiar.

©️Lizzie Bevis

"It's the little details the hurt people."

Who knew,
A math teacher,
Would be so right.

Dear 14 year old me
You were a strong and still strong
Human being
Who still has integrity
In her heart
The way I see
You had to
Hide you dreams
For survival and I don’t blame you on that
It would have been a horrific
Fate if you were still
Like a peacock 🦚
But not you can show your feathers
In a safe place
You don’t have to fear torture
If you want you can do 50 pull up if you want
Now show your brilliance and shine

People call people who try to end there lives, selfish.
"You should never do that. Think about how many people
who would be affected."

Think about this though.
Kids don't off themselves so they can put others in pain.
They do it because others have put THEM through so much pain.

Don't call me selfish, because I am hurting. I would give someone my heart, I would jump in front of a moving car if you needed saving, If you need a hand, I'll be there.

So no, I'm not selfish. I am tired of picking up other people's messes and then being treated like nothing in the end.

Another
Fills the cup
~To sorrow smother!~

Another
Flies the coop
~To sully another!~

If thee were to drink
Would this malady cease?
And if thee were to leave
~Would you return to me,
Please?~

Nightly whiskey flow
stains a white-walled childhood home
Parents seem blurry
Love and danger co-occur
Paroxysms of anger

In childhood there’s no room for shades of grey
It’s black or white, confusion sits unused
A place for everything and each in place
And I am in control and thus to blame
Come adulthood to show me I’m confused

So, consequences passed down like a gift
In genes and in behaviours left unchecked
To witness fights, hard falls, deep burns, and pain
The trauma transfer, second-hand ingrained
With love and anger, care and dark neglect

Then later roughly realise there was wrong
The blend of wrong and love is hard to hold
Most often see the child who fails at school
With low self-concept, guilt, hot shame, and fear
But all built strength and power left untold

Compensatory
change for homeostasis
Strong roles adopted
Scars deftly hidden
Chaos-order alchemy

I must be The Responsible One
Parentification at maximum pitch
A list-making, chore-running, stable-housemaster
A self-worth creator from jobs neatly done
All leisure-time wary and leadership-rich

I must be The Adjuster as well
Will follow directions and bounce from extremes
A dime-spinning, change-juggling, fresh puddle-jumper
Surprise and emergency make me excel
More calm at the edges than flat in-betweens

I must be The Calming Placater
Maintaining still waters whatever my price
A vigilant, change sensing, smoothing class helper
To people-please acts as a guilt-shame assuager
All pliable, social, and overly nice

Imperfect but strong
coping mechanisms forged
Power in order
Capable, dependable
Psyche shaped by survival