The Life-giving embers..
stoking the hearth-fire,  heart
in you  that had nearly gone out,
is nothing less that the deep
gentle,  Loving-kindness
of the Wellspring's  warm flow.

Love  feels, more than it sees..
but when one truly sees, beautiful girl--
as you so well at times know..

the view is utterly breathtaking.

You are learning how  
to breathe  the beautiful, free air.
Grace does that.


You are the most incredible of spokespersons, love...
Your very voice-tones..

i’m the rook
that took to my branch,
tree of silhouette lightning,
pecking the pelt off my prey
i’m casting them away for the sport of it.
if i take off,
like how the tide that comes and crashes,
foam and salt spitting,
eventually draws back, retreating back to the sea,
i won’t return in the same familiar form.
thorns for feet, a midnight beak.
i’ll take refuge in knowing you shan’t
remember me
but i’m the rook that pierced you,
strung you
hung you on my tree.

There once was man and a scholar
Seeing a woman though he'd rarely call her
She'd text and want more
But he thought it a chore
What a ******-up commitment teetotaller

Hello you
This is me
I feel so very far away;
I miss you
In every way
More than I can ever say;
As I lay
Here all alone
I count the passing of each day;
To be close
Hold you tight
In your arms so gently sway;
Feel your breath
Your warm touch
For this moment I so pray;
Good night my love
Thoughts of us
Keep my welling tears at bay.

The journey started from me looking for a partner loyal, family oriented, committed, knowledgeable and sort of an ideal ma

quite opposite to him
but now looking back, it strikes me major things in ife are sense of humor, fun, friends, understanding, someone who aspires to be better each day,  

and now it just makes me sick that none of this is there
I feel am stuck in walls surrounded with heavy silence, no laughter and smiles, orthodox mindset, traditional setup, no way to improve on yourself

I don't understand why this world has defined how a daughter in law should be
What should she wear
How should she talk
When should she wake up
What should she eat
And most important of all
In the mindset of the Indian Society she shouldn't leave the house at all

this is what i am facing
i feel that it is sin to speak up your mind
when i was always taught the opposite
i feel in the scenario like this it is sin to be who you are
and I have always followed the opposite

I am expected to change myself
because apparently i dont fall under the definition of ideal "bahu"

And Why marriage comes with so many compromises on adjustments
and as far as i am understanding girls here are expected to adjust in the family
why??? are we not human beings
Why we are not allowed to dream
Why we are not allowed to speak up against the wrong happening to them
Why we are just expected to be silent and say nothing

I dont know who will survive this
this is getting difficult each day

i feel somebody has caged me in an apartment luring me with open windows that there is a world outside but no you are not allowed to leave as per your wishes

I feel somebody has caged me in a room you are not allowed to keep open because thats not the way it should be, apparently doesnt fall under their list of ideal bahu

I feel somebody has caged me in a place you are not allowed to wear eat breathe sit stand as per your wishes

I know all this can be easy but not for a person like me

whose basis of survival is the word "Freedom"
Freedom to eat sleep talk act roam listen sit stand wherever and whenever
as per her heart

The world here is expecting her to just give up on herself totally.
but then what they are getting in return??

what happiness they will get in return
where will this take them ??
Nowhere!!!
they will be left with a person who is  lifeless and colorless

Nobody to hear me screaming
Nobody to see me drowning

This is affecting my inner soul
but who is bothered??
noone!!!

because now that i am married , i am their asset
and no am not allowed to live my life as per my wishes

Because
"Bahu" is expected to make compromises and adjustments each day.

So here I am again
With the confused state of mind

What I was thinking when I was making this decision for life
Did I think it through
Did I considered all the possibilities

Looking it back I believe I could have done better
I deserved better but as it is said it is the destiny that decides the way and you are just the carrier
Maybe that’s true maybe that’s not

But this is heavy
The feeling to leave all that I am living right now
The feeling to feel alone despite being surrounded by millions
The feeling to constantly taken wrong
The feeling to just change the one decision you took and life could have been better

I didn’t think this through and I seriously didn’t

There were numerous things happening around you that time and the decision wasn’t taken in a righteous state of mind

And yes certainly it wasn’t
When I see the relation constantly drifting apart and collapsing each day like a building collapsing after a heavy magnitude quake

Can it be repaired?
I wonder it can

The words, you can not take back
And words are all it takes

To make or break.

You want this to work?
I don’t know
You want this not to work?
I don’t know

But leaving is not easy
You don’t what’s there in the future
But isn’t life all about taking risk?
Again, till when?

When will I be stable then?
When will I think bigger in life?
Maybe now?
No?
Maybe tomorrow?
Yes?

Situations are in your hand
It certainly is in your hands
All you have to do is make peace with it and accept it.

Babes you don’t have to prove anyone
You know what you are
And why can’t this be enough?

But isn’t it unfair that the person sleeping next to you takes you as his biggest enemy?

Can you do something about it?
Sometimes I wonder why don’t I have a pill to pop up for that
But yes this isn’t a disease that can be treated with a prescription.
It’s a life
Has to be treated with actions

Or maybe life is the disease and actions are it’s medicine.
Maybe yes.
Maybe I should start it all over again.

After hearing all this?
Will you be able to??
Maybe I haven’t learned to give up this easily!!
But isn’t 8 months to long for that?
Maybe too short in comparison to the life time commitment you made.

Maybe I should think
Think and just think
Change and let this sink in.

Take one step at a time but take daily.

I am passion, fire and willpower personified. The tongue inside my mouth try to swallow words that don’t agree with my brain. It fails.

They are calmness, earth, and control personified. Able to trust their brain and heart, they know when to take shelter. When the fire gets too hot.

They thought they had me figured out. That they were my opposite and the perfect element to balance me out without smothering me like water or adding fuel like air.

I always found a way to escape

I get stuck too,
because
sometimes
I wonder
what to say
when I
myself have not finished my waiting,
my obsessions, my doubt, ...
and when I finish it,
how will I be able to advise you?

How I can be sure?

When, still, all my obsessions
and commitments
go hand in hand.

I don't know,

Honestly,

Sometimes,

If these words are not superfluous,
Forgive me for announcing you
That you have your own life,
Wait for it!
As she waited for you …