If love is a drug than I don't want it.
cause I got a gypsy soul for leaving
and a mothers heart for scars in need of healing

If love is a drug than I don't want it.
Because I got no self control,
An addict mind and habits ages old

You are
An astrological being
An astronomical being
A planet
The stars
The universe

You are
The quintessential muse
Confused and utterly beautiful
Utterly dysfunctional in your eternal solitary defense

Do you know?
How gravity gravitates towards you
You are the center
The core
The rock barricading my misery

You are
The Sun
Essential for life to flourish
For temperatures to warm
For flowers to grow to decorate the earth
For trees to grow to clean the air and shade us
From you
For living beings to survive

You are the Sun
Too dangerous to get close to
If we were closer than we were right now
We would burn
The trees would burn
The flowers would burn
The warmth would be heat, and the heat would be deadly

You are the Sun
Essential, as long as you're not close enough to burn

As long as you're not close enough to hurt me.

It's the feeling that you're drowning and the only thing that can save you is the one person pushing you deeper in to the cold, black water

It's the feeling that you are standing at a crossroads and your heart tells you to stand in the tracks and get hit by the almighty train and your mind tells you to run

You've seen other people get hit by the almighty train. They've been fine. They've been happy.

Why am I the only one who questions getting hit by the almighty train that is love?

It's the over use of, "Baby, it's not you, it's me", of "I'm sorry I'm so ****** up" of "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to deal with this"

It's going to bed every night thinking, "I'm too broken to love"

But when he holds you in his arms. For that second, for that minute, your thoughts are cleared. He enters your brain with an eraser and clears the chalkboard mess that has become your mind.

You only seem to care when you're drunk or otherwise impaired
but maybe you're just scared of commitment.

These promises you make when we're barely awake always seem to fade by daybreak and I can't take this anymore.

If you play with my emotions always bringing me up and then down and I never know if you'll be found with some other girl,
then maybe I'm not the one you should run to when you want to have some fun at a party.

I am enough for you and if you can't understand then maybe you don't deserve to hold my hand and tell me that I'm beautiful.

These words I say to make you pay are not enough because words need actions but you never act
instead you live your life of lies never caring who you disguise yourself as or who you make cry.

You only seem to care when you're drunk or otherwise impaired
but maybe you're just scared of commitment.

I knew that I truly
did love Her
when I could not bear
to see Her heart be hurt

I knew how much
I surely did care
when I could not bear
to see Her cry

Knowing the grief
She encountered
was darkness
rising against
Her beautiful grace

I knew I always
would love Her
from the moment
tears first caressed
Her angel face

I knew I never
could leave Her
awash in a
tragedy of loss

I knew how much
I loved Her
When Her tears
fell freely at such
a very precious cost

Her anguish was shared
there in my heart of hearts
My arms ached
to embrace Her sorrow

With Her until
beyond the end
I believed We would
always share tomorrow

I knew Our bond
was established
upon the first
glistening mist
in Her eye

I knew I truly
did love Her
When I could not bear
to see Her cry.

-R.

6.15.17
-LA

-4MAR