4/5/2019

In the middle of my transgression,
That trap I’ve fallen in before,
I cry out with desperation,
And I find an open door.
Could it have been there the whole time?

When there seems to be no progression,
It seems I can’t bear it any longer.
Where is the inert deliberation?
Somehow I must ignore the anger,
But how can I find good in the grime?

All I can see: my inward aggression!
That fuse always burning shorter,
Only accomplishing obliteration.
As I make myself a martyr,
I am sacrificed for an unknown crime.

Though my face gains new expression,
New is just another word for darker.
Inward digs the outward oppression,
It must die, but never can I conquer.
Death bells don’t seem to chime.

My focus is always my impression,
I exist to make me look better.
If it were up to my discretion,
All would fall into disorder.
Does it ever end, this eternal climb?

My story now in compression,
I couldn’t resist anymore.
My biggest fears now in suppression,
The door is the way out. Therefore,
Step though, I must. It’s showtime.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is the end of all my repression!
All of me spilled on the floor!
There is no regression!
All of me, anyone can explore!
This exposed feeling is not sublime!

That open door, a misimpression?
Expectation missed, take it away, I implore!
My perspective, it doesn’t freshen,
My new life, why for it do I deplore?
Still I desire to go backwards everytime.

Is Your will bent for my depression?
Is Your love just folklore?
No! Doubt is sadly my profession,
Thank You for all that You restore,
You forgive my idiotic paradigm.

Maybe this was all to get my attention.
Though my soul feels sore,
I know I’m in a better position.
You’ve won, forget the score,
Although over time I worked overtime.

Results result from action,
What’s this all for?
Near extinction, is my confession,
But I’m no longer like that dinosaur.
I’m running out of words to rhyme.

In the end, I made the right decision,
It’s all so much more,
I’m thankful for my Implosion,
There’s less of me than before,
With you in side as my enzyme.

4/4/2019

When I question,
Where do I go?
Who can give a suggestion,
What is there to show?
I am overtaken by exhaustion,
My head bowed low.
Greed no longer my intention,
I am ready to know.

I am fed up with always taking,
It is time for me to give.
I’m done with all this faking,
I must truly forgive.
Help me start the rebuilding,
It’s time I truly live.
It’s not just me who’s crying,
Others are more secretive.

I cannot take others’ problems,
I could never care enough.
It’s easier for he who condemns,
To empathize is truly tough.
Uncomfortable the situation becomes,
When stories are devoid of fluff.
Flirting with the doldrums,
Is not my favorite stuff.

God, if I am to have aid,
Then let it be only you.
I know you have already paid,
Even if sin appears to continue.
I need you to pursuade,
Only you can change a view.
You’ve already made the trade,
Now there’s nothing for me to skew.

I’ve made the decision,
To step down from my pride.
Now guide my vision,
Show me who is outside.
I am only an illusion,
You are all that is inside.
Without you, all is confusion,
All is clear, with you beside.

God, how can you see beauty,
In the vilest thing and enemy?
I fear for my own security,
But it’s not only about me.
To accociate would make me *****,
I can’t stand all their blasphemy.
Oh, my rotten mentality,
Erase my faulty dichotomy.

If I am to reach the world,
With your gospel message,
Let your plan be unfurled,
Show me partners on this voyage.
It’s not just me who’s called,
And the others are not in shortage.
I am no longer troubled,
God is our advantage!

His army is not just of one,
He is Lord of thousands,
If you stand still and listen,
Your heart heavily pounds.
His power matched by none,
His enemies He dumbfounds.
The victory He already won,
All by His commands.

4/2/2019

To no one do I owe.
With no one do I unite.
If I begin to feel unfit,
To my image I hold.

Somehow I feel it must go.
But I'm gripping so tight,
My fists closed shut.
What do I hold?

I need to know,
Is this alright?
Please tell me what,
But what do I hold?

I fear that tomorrow
Won't be better than tonight,
Is it even possible to let,
Let go of what I hold?

It's not helping my sorrow,
It's not helping my sight.
I feel so inadequate,
Is it useless, what I hold?

It could be so,
That with which all my might-
Not another minute!
Tell me, is it nothing that I hold?

Don't tell me to throw,
All in which I delight.
It's my life, my habit,
All that I hold!

Please, I can't say no,
And return to the light!
It's wrenching my gut,
Still, I must hold!

If this is all to blow,
Away into the night,
Must I forget,
All that I now hold?

God, if you say so,
You know my petty plight,
You see that I am delicate,
Take what I hold!

God, I fear what will follow,
But you overtake my fright,
Please don't quit,
Go! You say to what I hold.

God, you are not slow,
You destroy all that is not right.
God, I can't bear it,
Now, what do I hold?!?

God, I need to grow,
Don't leave me falling in midflight!
I am still so desperate,
Without anything to hold.

Yes, my own ladder was worth zero,
And it's reach to heaven finite.
But now that it's been cut,
There's nothing else to hold.

God, make me your shadow,
I will be your satellite.
The entire time, I must admit,
It was you I needed to hold.

I am no longer hollow,
My future is bright.
With you as my magnet,
And when to you I hold.

And when you I borrow,
You take the spotlight.
I struggle, but humbly take the exit,
Oh, what now do I hold!

This is no classic scene on a movie screen.
This is real life.
And it’s scenes are the most obscene.

This pain is felt first hand,
And your confusion is severe.
We look to the asphalt and to these mechanic machines and
Believe we live in our ancestors virtual dreams.
You scream:
“It’s 2019!”
And take that as evidence of progress;
Like we are closer to ‘the truth‘ now
Than when even our foods weren’t processed?

Progress?
Yes,
We emphasise physicality
And make clowns of our spirituality
So we can parade falsity.

You see,

We latch to this planet like a leach.
Manipulating your free speech
As you learn only what is deemed worthy to teach.
And that’s it!
That’s all you need to know!
Go on, throw a fit
And call it “history in the making”
While you transfer all knowledge in
A glowing rectangle,
And still mistake emotions with rationality
Yes we’ve reached this calamity!

Don’t make me laugh!
You hate war?
But you get bored of peace
And you fetishise your guns.
And this is no longer a secret,
Now you post red and caption it “aesthetic”
And laugh-cry at those who are unfortunate.

Glory is in the body count,
And ****** is just a sport.
Honour is in the gold,
And there’s no longer any justice
In courts.

Truth is
You’re building a fort
Where ignorance is at its foundation.
And while you do not know yourself
You cry “you ought!” To a nation?

I think a year ago
you borrowed a dollar from me.
You forgot to give it back...
I think?
I don’t really remember.

It’s funny,
the only two people
in the whole world
that would care—
and we don’t even remember