Get into my Hyundai
I call it my Ferrari
It goes hard when I'm at the wheel
Take me for a test drive
I'll show you how it feels
A body so hot it will make you melt
I'll take you to heights
you've never even felt.

©2018 Written By Benji James

Hey, hey, been racking my brain
Thinking of something to say
about my confusing sexuality
Sorry for leaving you guessing
because not figuring it out
gets kind of depressing
Am I right, or am I right
Not sure I can't decide
Don't think I'm Bi
All of this thinking
Is hurting my head
So let me put it this way instead...

Doesn't matter if I'm straight or gay
Don't get laid anyway
Every time I try, get the evil eye
Looks like another night
For Me, myself and I
It's alright girl, always get the same reply
Thanks for giving me a little of your time
To ask the question, if you're interested in some sexin'
Thanks for a little of your attention
Thanks for your rejection
It's just another night
For me, myself and I

And my Pornhub search is very extensive
Lucky I'm not a subscriber,
that would probably be expensive
Premium's what you need, Nah not me
I like it like I like my women, free.
And this attitudes why you aren't getting any
Sorry just a guy with a little decency
Can you hear me on my ***** frequency
And imagery plays in sequence
And ****** thoughts become more frequent
I'm a bad, bad, bad boy
And lately, all these ****** references are flying out my mouth
Better get the soap and wash it out

Doesn't matter if I'm straight or gay
Don't get laid anyway
Every time I try, get the evil eye
Looks like another night
For Me, myself and I
It's alright girl, always get the same reply
Thanks for giving me a little of your time
To ask the question, if you're interested in some sexin'
Thanks for a little of your attention
Thanks for your rejection
It's just another night
For me, myself and I

All these ****** jokes
Got my colleagues rolling there eyes
Just kidding, they're laughing on the floor
With this little creeper
It's all right girl, I won't hassle ya
So you can hustle my heart
break it, so I can turn it into art
Think I just set a new bar
A new record has been set
Not sure, I'll ever top it
Just like I can't get on top of anyone
That's why I'm left singing
Not pretty enough
And if you got that reference
I salute you
Don't laugh, because it's true

Doesn't matter if I'm straight or gay
Don't get laid anyway
Every time I try, get the evil eye
Looks like another night
For Me, myself and I
It's alright girl, always get the same reply
Thanks for giving me a little of your time
To ask the question, if you're interested in some sexin'
Thanks for a little of your attention
Thanks for your rejection
It's just another night
For me, myself and I

Golly, goodness,
My oh my!
You can’t leave yet--
It’s barely time!
What do you mean
You’re to be married?
How scary, oh --
Say, where are you going?
Don’t run away!
Look here, my darling
I cannot tell a lie
I’ve a baby in my bedroom
And he’s not a little guy!
Oh, god, he’s drawing near
Come quickly -- or else
I might become a leopard's feast!
Ah, yes-- one moment --
There you are! But
Don’t be angry, dear,
I needed you to
Drop on by. Let us go
Now, off to auntie’s
In the quiet countryside!
You might be late,
But I’ll be sure you arrive
Oh -- goodness, me oh my
We’re filthy animals, silly
So take this towel and
Rinse on off! -- Oh?
What’s that?
You need your clothes?
Oh dear, I sent them off to town
To be ironed and cleaned
Sit pretty in my robe and--
Oh! Dear oh me,
Here comes auntie!
We must hide baby
But he’s run away
Where oh where,
My oh my --
Now we’re in jail
What am I ever to say?
You see, I messed it up
Your plans, your night,
I dragged you here
To help because
I quite like -- love you!
Oh, what have I said?
What a fool am I,
I’m sorry for the mess
Sniffle, hm? Oh-yes?
You’ve something to say?
Oh tell me now, do confess
Y-you love me too?
Oh darling, this is too good
For it all to be true!
Let’s have another day of fun
But I promise, this time,
We won’t go on a wild chase!

I've always marvelled at the human brain,
And the beauty of its complex intricacies.
It can process at speed beyond comprehension,
Its more efficient than any man-made invention,
Until I'm talking to a female... then it just really ***** me over.

Roses are red,
But also different colors,
One isn't even like any other.
Violets aren't blue,
Violets are violet,
Is that so hard to do?
I guess they chose blue just for a rhyme,
Not lilies or lilac or the spice thyme,
But "Violets are blue", is that such a crime?
Whoever said it didn't have to use blue.
There are other colors that rhyme, like green,
But "Violets are blue"? that's just obscene.

I open up my can of trash
To find the things I've tossed
But as I do, it shines apparent
Those things are "ever-lost"

This simple fact, which I forgot:
My trash can't be displaced
For everything I throw inside
Is dropped in outer space

Recalling this -in retrospect-
I maybe shouldn't have....
Dropped my baby brother in
...Probably won't get him back...

Stupid Detective!
Mixing up the evidence
Loony Detective!
Helping the culprit
with bad conclusions
and your overall confusion
Bad detective!
your senses are defective
it shows!
it shows!

At the crime scene
the vanilla ice creme
was fine
and yellow like a dandelion
though ****** had taken place
a stupid detective
a messed up place
could you please just buck up
and find  a trace

Lame Detective!
You are the one to blame
you put Watson to shame
Shameful detective!
respect this
the law
the civilians
and all their fears
Blank minded detective!
Heavey minded detective!
Blinded detective!
falling to sleep
like all the other sheeps

At the crime scene
the vanilla ice creme
was fine
and yellow like a dandelion
though ****** had taken place
a stupid detective
a messed up place
could you please just buck up
and find a trace

I am The Funny Man

I'm here to make you laugh

I'm the clown behind the sentence

It's the one disguise I have


I am The Funny Man

I'm on at your request

The keyboard spreads my message

I'll try to do my best


I don't know who I am though

Am I funny or sedate

By the time I find the answer

It may just be too late


I am The Funny Man

On strings that you control

I am your funny puppet

Being funny makes me whole


I am The Funny Man

Dancing at top speed

I live to hear the laughter

It"s the laughter that i need


I don't know who I am though

Am I funny or sedate

By the time I find the answer

It may just be too late


I am The Funny Man

I crave to be on top

I don't know how exactly

To make the funny stop


I am The Funny Man

Yes, that's just who I am

Half clown and half man

And you don't give a ****..


I don't know who I am though

Am I funny or sedate

By the time I find the answer

It may just be too late