Both can ****
        The only difference is
                      Cigarettes shatter lungs
         She shatters everything

            I remembered the first moment
my lips pressed the filter
     as I lit it up breathed it all
                savored every smoke
       as if we covered up painful lies
        in a container of painkillers

The same way  
we used to pressed our lips
     sparked something between us
           savored every moment we had
    as if our love was a rose
               in a valley of tulips

the stench of nicotine still lingers on my fingertips.
i go to scratch my nose,
catch the smoke,
and prepare for the nausea to peak.
but it doesn't.
this time something's different.
i no longer think of my grandfather,
his face wrinkled and worn, his eyes sunken, lying in a hospital bed surrounded by those he loves and who love him.
grieving a life not yet lost.
no.
i no longer think of my grandfather,
but you.
of you and me sitting in your backyard.
the sun soundly sleeping while the moon keeps watch.
sitting with you, i felt invincible.
even with the nicotine flowing through my veins,
the dopamine hitting my brain.
i feel invincible.

When I think of you,
I still hear your deep rasp
A muffled, familiar roar
Carrying the weight of your words-
Yes, when I remember  you
I smell your half extinguished cigarette
And feel your warm touch
A familiar burn

Here i am 16 and smoking a cigarette
Here i am not addicted but reliant
Here i am smoking because there is nothing else to do
I cut bit that doesnt last
Smoking seems to last longer but still it hurts
The pain is real
But so is this cigarette
Newport platinums or l&m menthol 100s
My mom doesnt know but doesnt she
How else do you explain whole cigarettes dissapearing
Does she think she think she smokes that much
How about lighters dissapearing just misplacing them

I see him every day
Stumbling by the streets that are as old as him.
His wispy air tumbles past his shoulders
As his eyes glaze down and out.

Sometimes I see him walk
And hover without a mouth
It only appears for a cancer stick
That he drains the tobacco clean.

Each time I pass the shield of smoke
He puts up where he sits
I wonder when the day will come
He finishes his final one.

Because I know once he was young too
And I've yet to come by and sit with him
And ask his story after I say these words,
"Hello, old man."

I know you're busy trying to find yourself
Through nicotine and diet pills
I was just curious and thinking
Do you ever stop to wonder
If it's enough to just be the you that you are?
Do you ever stop to consider
If it's worth losing the you that's already there?

So call me when you get back
From the hell you're putting yourself through
When you choose me over all the worthless addictions you destroy yourself with
Call me when you get back
From all the nightmares you've made come true

Tell me who's been by your side
Through all of what life has thrown at you?
Can your cigarettes wipe away your tears?
Do those drugs make you feel so pretty
That you don't even need me?
You say that it's none of my concern
That just sounds like an excuse
What you need is a hard knock back into reality

Do you believe I will just ignore
All the brand new cuts, bruises, and burns?
Do you think I'll sit still while you tear yourself down?
I know you lie when you say you need to save yourself your way
Doing things your way looks like a hazard sign to me

I'm scared of what you have become
I'm scared of what you will do to yourself
I feel like I can't take my eyes off of you
Or you'll just disappear
I’m so mad at you for making me be so disappointed
In the person who I looked up to the most
Without any regard for those who love you
Choosing ephemeral means of feeling over the shoulders that we offer

Call me when you wake up tell me why you're upset
I want to be there for you
You know that I am someone you can come to
Call me when you need me
I promise I'll pick up immediately
Know that I know that you are scared
So call me when you're ready
I promise I'll be there

in those distant days, i said i never wanted to puff a single cigarette; i never wanted to put any dangerous substances in my system that would compel me to ask for it over and over again. you might be getting high off them, but the thought of they’d harm me—consume me little by little, gradually, until there’s nothing left with me but addiction and dependency is dreadful to me.

it all changed after you decided to break my heart.

now, i don’t care if i harm myself with cigarettes or any dangerous substances. i’m not afraid. because i survived you. you and your love are more harmful. the apocalyptic moment when we pressed our lips together, you also ****** the soul out of my body, leaving me a little to none of myself; you crept inside of me, savoring my vulnerability—they're even more harmful and addictive and euphoric than cigarettes or any dangerous substances could do to our bodies. yet i still survive, although i'm trembling every now and then with some pieces of you and me left in my grasp.