I use to hurt people,
Now I help people,
The pain brought me some peace,
It had me thinking about my life,
Thinking about my choices,
Looking at myself,
Questioning my motives.

Life ain't the same for me,
Don't think the same,
Don't live the same,
Don't feel the same,
God replaced my heart with a new heart,
Was once cold-hearted,
Now I have a big heart.

Facing pain in the eyes changed my vision,
Crying my eyes out left me numb,
What I felt I can't feel no more,
What I was doing I ain't doing no more,
The way I was living i ain't living no more,
Confessed my sins and repented,
God forgave me,
Right my wrongs,
I'm now singing a new song.

(Reflections after Thanksgiving)


All the things that happened
in the past, and the ones that
are about to happen,
all flowed out/all will flow
out of life's huge cornucopia:
good and bad harvests in food,
health, career, even relationships;
could be bitter, too little, too much
of sour, salt, spices, and of sugar

We make choices from what flows  
out...some are promising, others turn
disastrous...some are happy with
just enough...there are those who
opt for a spill over their rims, and
get inebriated......or overdosed.

We've lived through poverty, wealth,
trials and tribulations, triumphs,
failures, birth and death, as well.

They say, a blending of spices, of
bad and good...of black and white,
of positive and negative energy,
brings out a certain balance...
angels, demons in human clothes
trying to claim each other...trying
to claim the populace....diseases
plague us...distorted minds distort
the true essence of democracy,

we end up conquered...or conqueror;
we may mellow down, or get worse.

Such a diverse horn of plenty!

Yet, we got free will and discernment,
so we may not be duped by lies
wrapped in bright white satin,
it's really up to us.

Also, it won't hurt to be grateful
more often...not only in November...


Sally

©Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
  December 1, 2020

My mind is in conflict
My mind is lost
I am losing sanity of choices
Not too sure what is ahead
And why do strange thoughts keep coming back.

In moments of clarity, it all looks fine and rational thinking it IS fine.

In moments of irrational and blurry imaginative state I am confuse and unsure.

I hope I can make the right ones.

I have met dates online.
I've had friends set me up.
I've gone to so many dinners,
and I've gone home with
more people than I'd like to admit.

I have slept with men
and I have slept with women.

I have left someone
and I have been left.

I've been in relationships
that ended mutually,
and I've been in relationships
that ended in heartbreak.

I learned the hard way that
*** is not equivalent to love.

I learned the hard way that
I didn't know what love
was supposed to feel like.

I learned the hard way that
I deserved so much better than
what I was doing to myself and
what I was letting others do to me.

I learned the hard way that
I was making the wrong choices.

but I am so glad that I learned,
even if it hurt.

some people never learn
to see their own worth.

I drive me crazy
- there's no hiding or help
for dark self distrust.

Frightening whispers
are like a levied tax of
doubt about my choices.

Anticipations
dulled on anxieties rough shore
- best to keep them deep.