Patience isn't truly the walk of life. Or even the shame for not convincing yourself that everything up until this very point in time...is how it is supposedly meant to be.
But this is the first example towards not telling yourself the truth about the very illusion you've been living this entire time.

...It's called the decline in acceptance to oneself...for not telling yourself you have more in your general self-worth...then what kind of self-contempt you've been blocking away in hopes of accepting your very own disillusioned artificially created...self-resolve.

That being said, the actual chances that you have been living your own life (free of charge) from feeling you have defeated the such negativity in your very lifestyle... Is nothing more than a shower of benign social ramblings (from within yourself) that will sentence you too a psychological error in your very reasoning for illogical decision-making.

Which means, in the very end, choices don't matter in the long run.
Since you already know what you want... Even if reality (outside your very self), isn't what is truly best for you (especially when it wouldn't agree with your very options) first and foremost.

When knowing becomes a sin
A secret kept within
And the hushes in the wind
Question my eyes to see

The fear of those to know my name
It creeps and crawls beneath my veins
And threatens my judgment
Of things I simply cannot see

My friend, my foe
To me I'll never know
All this pain I've self induced
This habit I can't break loose

Tell me I am wrong
And sing me that song
Remind me I am my worst opponent,
Request my eyes to see.

A world full of mirrors
Yet still ashamed to say,
I am scared of me
An image I may gain  

But listen my darling,
The only eyes on you, is the reflection
Of what you choose,
Choose to be

The sooner you learn
That your eyes control you
That the mirror is the sin,
Not your many buried within

Forget to see
Then you'll really begin
To notice me,
Me and all my insecurities

But your kindness stretches farther than the horizon
Kissing the ocean goodnight
Only to rise in the morning
That is your ever giving light

It has been told
That the eye is the window to the soul
And the way you see others
Gives away the tears buried deep, beneath, that hole

Wrestling with the unknown
Is it healthy?
Not really because you worry yourself,
driving yourself insane.
But it’s something about figuring it all out that’s so addicting.
When will you learn that worrying about tomorrow is too much for today?
Today brings forth its own problems.

Choose to focus on the something that you can control, but ultimately choose to be happy.

she had enough paint in
her blood to
paint the world
however she wanted
blood-red trees
olive green streams
dogs in royal blue

she found freedom
to be suffocating
and the suffocation
was constisted
of the variety
of choices
and the lack of instructions

"How does one choose
when she also
makes the choices?"

No paths are bound
no roads are taken
the future's only
what we make it

It's all about the choices
You're in a tornado of voices
And still the power is yours:
Feel free and simply choose.