#childhoodtrauma poems on Hello Poetry

M Vogel Jan 2023

Glory

A fine mist filled the room
  the moment she began singing

Covering my presence;
concealing  all that is congenital
     in me

--and the years and years and years
of my family-laid, dysfunction..

      Of the harm, inherent  in me

Of the damage to her Beautiful-Everything
      I can do..
     (Things are not OK
     when my war-torn D N A
     comes into play.) .....

              I open the door and walk into the room.
              Small fingers  slowly sliding off of keys
                   as her  glowing face  falls,
                  now  turns  ashen

An instant,  Ichabod-like undoing
   turning Steam, into stone..

              And  still I reach for her;
              the thin fabric  of her dress
              the only barrier  between us--

             ..keeping the oils  of our skin
              from  blending  together
              (the angel closes her eyes..
              as the Glory  that  was hers
              is now hiding   in the corner
              of the room)

I am weeping  now--
This beautiful Lovedream..
This one  perfect chance
since the day I was born;
For my deeply-protected  spirit
to intertwine  with that
    of another..

Over the keyboards  I reach
as I press myself  to her..
there is a danger  here..

      --as much  for her
       as there is for me.
       Through the tremble,
        I am so incredibly
        uncertain

        Yet  still I gaze  at her--
        consumed, by Spirit-crave.....

(Small hands  slowly
reach around me..
Those beautiful orbs, for eyes
staring,   so intently--

       ..A cherub-like face
       around me,  peering..

--Those eyes now closing
As gifted fingers  on keys
  bring forth  the most   perfect

         tune.)

             And suddenly
  a whole world,  treacherous
  becomes  immediately  safe.

For all the moments,  never known
'cause he stepped off of the tallest sail
for all the love he left below  in the waves

He made his peace with letting go
said some things he'd never dared to say--
the one the Lighthouse left alone;
.                 .                  .
Til a set of eyes  had pinned him
became his version of a Kingdom
Now I know they'll never hunt me

When she's singing to me, "Glory"
(And a hopeful rhythm woke within him)
She's singing to me, "Glory"
(Had some letters written, 'course she's in 'em)

I was only ever thinking 'bout you, you know--
   .. singing to me,  "Glory;"

A set of eyes had pinned him
Became his version of a Kingdom..
She's everything the devil can't be

when she's singing to me...  Glory.
https://youtu.be/ZRzhTiaO83o

Perfection,   encased
in the most beautiful  spirit-temple

#love #fear #pain #childhoodtrauma #giftedness #magic #glory #eternity

M Vogel Dec 2022

thin ice..

I was shovelling drifted snow outside  today
and was overcome  again
by the warmth of that  beautiful,
   deep feeling.

You may never understand
the need to push through the mundane
and into the deep,  central Core
of the one you care most about.
    For you,
in your current world, that is not attainable..
but for me..  looking at you..

I know you very much have that  deeply-gorgeous,
extremely worthwhile attainability in you.

Without connecting deeply with one such as you,
I would just be sliding superficially along the surface
throughout this entire 'life' here..

Knowing there is a whole world of untapped closeness
lying just under the status-quo
of the normal 'everyday' operating level.

That is not saying we would necessarily  be ******

       at all

   It just means that there is,  sadly
   such a huge amount of giving up  of the Beautiful
   in order to continue on skating along the surface.

That is why I do what I do, and say the things I say
   late at night.
During the day, I am operating
out there on the "everyday" level.
At night,  I am connecting into the unfathomable depths
of the most lusciously-beautiful gold mine I have ever known.
I can't do the "surface" thing with you, Young-love..
    In fact..  I won't.

You get that in your marriage,
and pretty much everywhere else around you.
I refuse to be a part of that tremendously sad list.

You will never not be that deeply luscious gold mine..
You will never not be fully worthy of the attempt.

You want to be left alone.


      .. ok.

..And as you cross the wilderness
spinning in your emptiness
--if you have to,  Pray..

looking for a sign, that the Universal Mind
has written you into the Passion play

And as you cross the circle line
well, the ice wall creaks behind;
  you're a rabbit on the run.
(..and the Silver splinters fly
in the corner of your eye
shining in the setting sun)

Well, do you ever get the feeling
that the story's too **** real

   and in the present tense?

..Or that everybody's on the stage
and it seems like you're the only
person sitting in the audience?

https://youtu.be/hhXpGRJQV4Y

Ah, Babe..

❤

#love #beauty #survival #childhoodtrauma #gold #connection #eternity

M Vogel Dec 2022

Try..

.. not to be so mad at me
for wanting you out of there,
     or with me
where I can best do you the most good.

Your Glory  was never meant
to have to hide in the shadows..
nor was it  ever  meant

   to suffocate
   beneath the blanket of indifference.

You were meant to shine, beautiful girl--
and you will..

Your brother wants you to
I want you to

Those who are broken..  who
most need you to..   do.

You will, beautiful girl
I promise you.. you will.
xoxo

just because it burns
doesn't mean you're gonna die
https://youtu.be/ivPEKaBHjYA
.

#love #fear #childhoodtrauma #giftedness #support #accomplishment #eternity

besidethefallenfigs Nov 2022

“father”

stained glass windows in my mind,
the light shines through & it all rewinds.
once more crying tears of yesteryear,
why must you have this power?
your voice remains in the back of my mind
even after all this time:
berating,
judging,
questioning reality.
have I really been hurt at all?
could i possibly be mistaken?
but then I remember I was just a child:
innocent,
in need of love,
seeking comfort.
and where were you?
too inebriated to have a clue.

#abuse #addiction #childhoodtrauma #ptsd #trauma

F Elliot Oct 2022

Untethered

You are absolutely beautiful--
Immersed within  this magical-Unfolding
as music  mates to words
Fingers, strumming now

Now finding their perfect placement

     ..On the keyboards
     of her newfound freedom
     A beautiful spirit   now returning
     to a once-little body,   beaten

     for being her beautiful spirit's  home.
     Now with headphones  on ears
     there is a  restoration

     of years and years and years,
          locust-eaten

...Of those years, and years, and years.
                   .      .      .

Tell me about pure Joy, churches..
the nice cars in your parkinglot,
    aint showing

The look on her face, while untethered

     tells me everything
     You can only dream of
      ever knowing.

This is true Church--
This beautiful  Sunday-mornin' glowing
This spirit-infused flesh

A perfection of music
momentarily, flowing.

From hidden cloud
her flesh-infused  spirit
is my one chance
at pure Joy, knowing..

My love  for her,
continually-growing..

     In heart,
     tarred-n-feathered..

     In Art,  all  hers
     I  am  become

       Untethered.

The smell of rain and streetlight thrown
A love, a lantern in the snow
But when she feels it taking hold
Finds it so hard letting go
Can I tell her that we'll shine,
She dreads the devil's yet to show

So **** reluctant to expose it to me, so

So I think of the things that it taught me
She starts to think.. "evil has lost me"
I walked with the wolves, and it haunts me
She steps with intention to run free

So stunner, don't ever move softly
You've been on a journey they can't see
When dancing in ballrooms, you will lead

Promise you'll smile off a memory
youtu.be/BnWFy0P2e-A

❤️️
the angel opens her eyes

#love #childhoodtrauma #pain #hedges #art #magic #eternity

M Vogel Sep 2022

Untethered

She is shaking,
fingers on keyboards, trembling

A confined spirit..
               now  untethering

You are absolutely beautiful--
Immersed within  this magical-Unfolding
as music  mates to words
Fingers, strumming now

Now finding their perfect placement

     ..On the keyboards
     of her newfound freedom
     A beautiful spirit   now returning
     to a once-little body, beaten

     for being her beautiful spirit's  home.
     Now with headphones  on ears
     there is a  restoration

     of years and years and years,
          locust-eaten

...Of those years, and years, and years.
                   .      .      .

Tell me about pure Joy, churches..
the nice cars in your parkinglot,
    aint showing

The look on her face, while untethered

     tells me everything
     You can only dream of
      ever knowing.

This is true Church--
This beautiful  Sunday-mornin' glowing
This spirit-infused flesh

A perfection of music
momentarily, flowing.

From hidden cloud
her flesh-infused  spirit
is my one chance
at pure Joy, knowing..

My love  for her,
continually-growing..

     In heart,
     tarred-n-feathered..

     In Art,  all  hers
     I  am  become

       Untethered.

The smell of rain and streetlight thrown
A love, a lantern in the snow
But when she feels it taking hold
Finds it so hard letting go
Can I tell her that we'll shine,
She dreads the devil's yet to show

So **** reluctant to expose it to me, so

So I think of the things that it taught me
She starts to think.. "evil has lost me"
I walked with the wolves, and it haunts me
She steps with intention to run free

So stunner, don't ever move softly
You've been on a journey they can't see
When dancing in ballrooms, you will lead

Promise you'll smile off a memory
youtu.be/BnWFy0P2e-A

❤️️
the angel opens her eyes

#love #childhoodtrauma #pain #hedges #art #magic #eternity

birdy Jun 2022

Sister

my sister was like a music box,
gentle and pristine
I made her rugged
her walk and her talks

I opened my skin
exposing my mind
and I fear her gears cannot be rewind

her perfect clockwork now intertwined
with coils of my past

I have failed as eldest
it should not be her burden
to carry trauma I've amassed

#sister #sibling #trauma #childhoodtrauma

birdy Apr 2022

Playground

Alone on the playground,
counting minutes.
Too much time alone with yourself,
to wonder why you even try.

#suicidal #childhoodtrauma #bullying

preston Apr 2022

Ἀναστασία

There is the core of who it is that you are..
inside of you, my beautiful ανάσταση

                           and it will never, ever leave you.

When we are hurt real bad..  and in such unjust ways,
we can sometimes lose ourselves--

                                          from ourselves..

But that part of us will never  not
                           want to be found.

We become afraid because the pain from the hurt
has been so bad.

There is a central part of you  that has been protected
from every bit of that harm--

                                      that is the core
                of  who  it  is  that  you  are.

    In its utter and magnificent beauty,
    it is wholly  unable to be corrupted
              by this less than loving world..

And in it's perfect ability  to see,

       it will always let you be the chosen one
                                                     to find it.

This is the picture painted,

             of you,
                finding you.

please forgive my inability to see
https://youtu.be/4F9DxYhqmKw
~Orpheus
.

#love #hurt #pain #childhoodtrauma #lost #found #solidarity #eternity

F Elliot Mar 2022

the C-word

The killer
came crashing down
smashing,  thrashing through.

What is tender's  tender
       so  for itself,   to do?

        --As it runs
        right over the top of her..

       This taker.
       This killer.

In the black,
now in between;
so lightless and thick..

        blotting out  all screams.
There is an annihilation  here.
A void.

A terror.
To stay, means certain death

      but to leave
      also means certain death
      So the  d is m e m b e r men t   begins
      as she is ripped, completely into half

And those halves,  into half..

.. into half

--into half..
        into half.

    And still it tears.. rips..  shreds--
Until all,  in between
is nothing  but black.

A black it can now  pretend to fill
with all of its empty promises..

and all of its counterfeit, everything.

..And then--  just up and leaves
once it is fully satiated.
     And for a while..
     the black had something.

Clinging to the rocky crags
on either side of the unlit valley
are now  the pieces of her--
war-torn and shuddering.

Terrified

Of the black, black empty.

Of what is now fully
     and  completely   dark.

      ~       ~      ~       ~

Timmy  ain't real tall
but look at his stature,
as his majestic strings   dialogue
the introduction.

And Warren's gotten so fat
See him now, looking so dearly,  back
at his half-pint of Chunky Monkey--
picking it back up,  for the fourth time..
scraping... scraping.. scraping..

But watch his eyes  light up
as Timmy looks up--
  over the top
of those wild-man RayBans

And with a gentle nod,  it all begins..

-- as our Warren  now digs  deep
into his Gibson's beautifully-wanton  ways..

    identifying.

    clarifying.

    Rectifying.

Clarence, the Magician..
Stephan--  Humble, Unparalleled
And Dave's  so chill
he's part Creole.. I just know it.

So great a cloud of witness:
surrounding you, my beautiful..

coaxing  you.

    Identifying it all for you.

"He came dancing across the water
         Cortez,  Cortez..

            What a killer."
https://youtu.be/lYrD2SthaMU

ah Neil..
tell me, my brother
have I lost my way?
--Warren digs deeply into its start
as on the edge of my bed
I dig deeply,  into her.

Love is a much more beautiful killer.

#love #pain #childhoodtrauma #emptiness #life #death #sovereignty #pathology #melody #eternity