Sharp heat sears through the layers of my skin.
White hot and blinding, leaving an echo in the room I once called my home.

Then follows the deafening silence.
Enveloping the shell of what was once a free and happy child.
What is now empty and lifeless.

Because you can hit her.
She's your punching bag.
The kind that won't swing back.
So, go on. Do it again.

And kiss it better just to shatter it again.

Most go through the motions daily
without thinking Sunday 8:30 AM
Walking the park with my dog
I noticed something that seemed off
The kind of thing you can’t put your finger on
It’s a feeling a thought something
that made me turn and look again

A White middle-aged man heavyset
Wearing a white ill fitted dress shirt,
a red tie  Solid black dress slacks
It’s Sunday OK I could believe that
He had the hand of a little girl five maybe six
She was dressed in really short Daisy Duke jeans
A white tank top with flowers
Her blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail
Low at the base of her neck

Her head forward eyes fixed the ground
When somebody passes by I give the
Standard Greeting Hello good morning.
He replied good morning.

It’s what the child did behind her back.
That panicked me to the core
I needed to see it once more
She had left hand behind her back, her thumb in towards touching her palm
She was moving her little fingers in and out
Slow determination with urgency first,
I wasn’t sure what I saw

She looked over her shoulder
Then quickly , looked down at her hand,
Returning it behind her back and then
Glancing at him afraid he might see
head forward eyes to the ground
****** features emotionless frown
Not a word spoke, but you saw
something in her eyes  Fear
Almost a tear
The movements of the hand quicker
Fingers wider thicker
each time she looked behind at me
Attempting to get my to see
There was no interaction between
the adult male and the child except
for his controlling grip on her right hand

Next to the swings
There was this makeshift square blue tarps
Fashioned into an enclosure
He extended his hand and the hand of the little girl towards the enclosure.. A hand emerged from the within without the rest of the person being seen.
Again, her hand quickly extending and closing wildly gesturing now frantically apparent
The little girl disappeared in the enclosure

The man maintained distance waiting in silence
There were two young adult white, male and female, tattoos up and down their arms with them
Three children all boys, different ages I’m guessing
7,9,10  silent
They did not wiggle, or giggle .they did not do anything, but stand perfectly still.
Honestly I did not notice that at first.
My mind was fixated on the little girl

I approached them and said do you see that man and the little girl?  something seems off.
I explained to them about the distress hand signal
Taught to the children in schools in case they were ever abducted we’re in a situation they felt they could not speak and we’re not safe.

The young adult female unfazed said well he’s part of our church. Not They (the little girl) but He’s
I said something’s off. I hope I’m wrong
but there’s something wrong with this picture.
The the young adult woman offered no explanation or seemed concerned for the little girl’s safety .

The young adult man said nothing looked away avoiding eye contact
The three boys kept their heads
forward eyes downward
The park was empty
There was not a group of church people around
the park, it was this couple, the three boys and the man with a girl. All white.
I am not one who looks at color
however the police need
A full accurate description

I turned to the man standing there
waiting for the little girl and said
What church are you with?
He replied, LDS
I looked right in his eyes and said
that girl is in distress. There’s something wrong.. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t express concern.
. His mannerism was rigid.
My heart already pounding.

I wasn’t sure what to do.
I told him something‘s feels wrong
I offered him an opening to ease my suspicion
If everything was fine,
A normal response would’ve been
Him yelling, telling me off or
to mind my own business or
To reassure me, everything is fine Or
At least to ask me why I feel this way

Silence was not the correct response for the situation that I was escalating. I wasn’t yelling.
My voice was excited and loud I was shaking
This is where I made a mistake that could have caused those children their lives
I told him I’m going to make the call still nothing
I walked away and I was on the phone with 911

Looking right at the man
describing his features To 911 dispatch
I should not have alerted them that I was calling the police that gave them ample time
to Leave To get away

My husband said they would not do anything in broad daylight too much exposure

When the police got there, of course they were gone. That little girl‘s face etched in my memory
silent rage behind her fearful eyes.I failed her.
The police asked was the dad abusing the girl
He did not say he was the father. I told the police.
I didn’t witnessed any physical abuse.
Then what made you think something was wrong?

The little girl was doing that hand gesture they teach the children in school if they’re abducted or something’s not right oh, he said.
as if not fully impressed. I said I’ve been coming to this park for over 20 years. I have children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. I know when something‘s off and there was something off with that little girl.

We were finishing our walk as the Police Man investigated minutes only the whole situation plays over in my mind..  had I been more inquisitive to see what car they drove.
LDS little girls don’t dress like that
especially on Sunday.

I wonder
What was behind that Blue square tarp enclosures. Who was the person that pulled her in?

There’s a group of people who said on the bench passing out flyers for their church the watchtower. I told them about what I observed, and one of the ladies was quick to say just because that man said he was LDS doesn’t mean he really was and she started to tell me everything wrong with that picture. Another man at the market walking me to my car stated he saw a man dress like that. It’s one of the scams they use their dress like a business person saying they’re out of gas. They left their wallet at home whatever the story is very but they’re dressed like business men so they don’t appear homeless and are more likely to get what they want or to be seen blending in. The store clerk said stay away from those guys they’re evil.

This is a cautionary tale. We need to be observant to our surroundings children’s lives are at stake.

every day is the same
I play a game with my family
they kick me around
and I cry out
but they don't seem to hear
I try my hardest to win
the game
I want to be the best for them
if I don't win
my family kicks me more
and throws me around
they curse at me
for not being good enough
every day I try to be the best
but they still kick me
please mommy
please daddy
it hurts
please stop
they don't listen
so I'll hide in the dark
when they're done with me
and pray that next time
they'll be kinder
maybe next time
I'll make my mommy and
daddy proud

they say your skin is completely new after 7 years
it's been 7 years
but your touch still lingers
I see you everywhere
even though you aren't there
your presence haunts me
distrusting other me
because of you
you were supposed to protect me
but you hurt me instead
how can I trust after that
you violated me
and acted like nothing was wrong
like it didn't consume me
with fear and disgust and anger
how dare you do this to me
you told me to never let anyone touch me there
but you broke the rule and did it yourself
I was just a kid
it's been 7 years
but it still haunts me

You were taught that love was earned not given
Power and control secured affection
Competing for a section of security
Survival was a piece of you, you gave to me.

I know I can't take away the pain
Because your grandfather gave it to your mother to send my way.
It hurts me to think
That once upon time,
You were just someone's baby too.
Just like I am to you.

And you always wanted better for me.
Financially there was more stability
But together we erupted violently
Volcanoes crying spitefully
Scared to ignite the rivalry

You told me that the world won't take care of you, unless you hide your own vulnerability, make yourself useful, you'll have more opportunities too!

The markings run so deep, I stand by the family tree
I beg him to tell me the secrets. I need to understand the story.
These branches hold generations of survival, feelings that don't hold glory.

Unconditional love is conditional
Nothing is reciprocacal if you don't show your worth it- in the end. It's important for your survival to stay undeniably valuable to attain any kind of sustainability, my friend.

I didn't speak
I just let the tree whisper to me
Taking in the breeze between the branches
I heard him tell the tragic tale of each members past transgressions that later got imbeeded into my own actions.

Can I escape the fate of surviving the roots that are within this tree.
Or will I become a branch, forever  bound to grow in the same direction.
Seen, but out of reach
Losing touch with affection.
I hope to find that I can be my own seed.
Move close by,
but away from the original family tree

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

      People Who Give Children Jack Chick Tracts for Halloween


    Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?

                                          -Saint Matthew 7: 9


If someone gives your child a Jack Chick
That is not a well-intentioned mistake
He is giving your child bigotry and fear
Hellish hatred, existential despair

If someone gives your child a Jack Chick
He is giving your child demons to haunt her dreams
Crude visions of sin to blight her happiness
His own satanic fears to destroy her hopes

If someone gives your child a Jack Chick
He is telling her that Jesus judges her ******