I heard death calling for me as I layed there in the hospital bed.

His voice came closer, and I could feel his cold breath on my face.

He tried to convince me to give in to him.

I wanted to go, that was my goal.

But something inside me told me it's not my time yet.

I fought back and somehow I'm still alive.

Watching people go on with their lives,
not knowing that today I planned to be dead.

why don’t you ever call me anymore?
you used to...
every night.
and we’d lay there and talk to each other on the phone
for hours.
sometimes,
we wouldn’t even talk;
it would just be radio silence,
but even just knowing that we had each other on the other end of the line was comforting .
it was a nice silence.

and when we did talk
it was about everything we could think of
school, our families, us,
whatever it was
you always knew how to keep me talking

but now i don’t even know what to say to you.
you’ve made it clear how much you don’t care anymore,
but all i want is a phone call.
so we can talk like we used to.
so we can not talk like we used to.

I walk down the street, my hair messy
My makeup sliding off
My sweatpants riding low on my hips, dragging on the ground, collecting dirt
And a low cut tank top.
Tired, exhausted, worn out. Unattractive. And that's okay.
What's not okay is when a car slows down and yells
"Hey pretty girl! Where you off to?"
I freeze
Attention is not something I'm looking for
It's a bed that I'm seeking
A good night's sleep
But instead of a bed I find
A man
Yelling unwanted compliments out of his car window as I walk back home.

Should I answer? What would I say?
Should I be honest? "I'm going home. Off to bed."
I know what the response would be. "Can I come too?"
Or maybe I can say "I'm going to see my girlfriend."
I don't have a girlfriend, but for the next five minutes,
She's right up that hill, waiting in her room to see me.
No, his response would be "That's hot! Can I come too?"
Or maybe I have a boyfriend instead.
More effective.
More dangerous. More of a threat than a girlfriend would be.
No, to that he'd say "He's letting you walk by yourself?
Must not be much of a man. I bet I could take him in a fight."
Which brings up many more issues
(i can walk by myself if he were real he would respect me so thats more than you do if he were real he wouldnt fight some random ******* over me treat me like a PERSON god ******)
That I would not want to address with someone as dangerous
As a man telling me I'm pretty out of the window of his car.
Maybe I can say "Please leave me alone." Being direct is always the best option.
Unless he continues to follow me.
Or gets upset.
Or refuses to leave me alone.
Or gets out of his car or pulls me into his car or or or
I don't know. I don't want to think about it.

Or maybe I can just keep walking.
Ignore him, act like nobody said anything
Act like there isn't someone I have never met in my whole life
Yelling out of the drivers window of his car
Telling me I'm pretty.

There is no way out of the dangerous thing that is the male gaze
Once it begins
There is no easy way out.

We must envision
                 the what's  
not the £$ signs...
we have to pull
               all humanity
into the link of every chain..

We must look the negative
                                        haves
and know everyone is worth
        more than the have not's.

We aren't worth more
                    than any other.
Each of us has our worth
              in a world of each other

By Arcassin Burnham


Don't tell me you can't be seen me.....
Cause I did nothing wrong to you,
Stop looking for some clarity.....
Nothing but a piece of residue,

On the ground,
May the lovers be one and found like the grey stone in the elders
Temple while clearly seeing your reflection,
I had no remorse for feeling any animosity,
for me to get away from the human race permanently,
Latching onto nothing that was never real.......
I was trying to bring you along for the ride but you gave on me
Simply for another's direction,
And in the end it was just pure cruelty,
I went into this new world with a cup of tea and broken dreams in
Smoke signals that never were really released,
I swear I told them all that Diamond Valley was real,

Don't tell me you can't be seen me.....
Cause I did nothing wrong to you,
Stop looking for some clarity.....
Nothing but a piece of residue,
I want you,
I could hear them calling for miles to pull me away,
we brand you,
There's no doubt in my mind my life's a mess but I stepped into
Heaven's Gates.

No more love,
No more love.