I had a dream
that I don’t remember
I remember feeling
like I was floating
high above the world
crossing seas and jungles
joining the butterflies
surrounded by a cloud
of black and orange
they carry me
towards the mountains
where I leave the kaleidoscope
to be by myself
in my safe space
at peace

but I also remember feeling
like I was falling
further and further down
past the birds the towers and the trees
hurtling towards the ground
I brace myself for the crash
that never came
because when peek through
my eyelashes
I am surrounded by a cloud
of black and orange
slowly guiding me
towards the ground
their wings softly graze my skin
comforting me
until I land delicately on my feet
taking a deep breath
I am home
I am safe
I am at peace

i remember that feeling i got when my eyes locked with yours '
the feel of my stomach filling with butterflies
that feeling that makes me feel all those at once

i remember that feeling
and i don't think i can ever forget

I miss the feelings I got from being high,
of belonging to the static in my mind.
I miss closing my eyes and just thinking,
waking up without a memory of anything
besides a feeling I only ever got with a pill
or two or ten,
but now I'm beside myself
feeling things I can't verbalize without beating the words to death,
and I can't handle any more death,
lost all my energy after creating a eulogy for everyone I tried to be.
all the butterflies in my stomach are words I swallowed once upon a time,
choked them down,
choked on them,
and I'm still trying to cough them out
all this time later.
I know breathing exercises,
but I don't think those matter when I can't catch my breath.
some things never change.

Just give me a moment to **** off the last of the butterflies
That took up residency in my stomach the first time I saw you

I want to lay in the corners your smile
And sleep between your laughter of eternity.

Woe, my stomach is sick,
Tired of the ***** kicked nowhere,
Sick of all the goodies of where,
My stomach is sick.

Sick of butterflies that perch
and flutter, celebrating my not yet death ,
Slowly I die.

Surely, dead roses I will be buried,
My tombstone engraved THE GRAVED,
INGCWABA LOFILE(Grave of the death)
Love killed the death.

Bengifile the time ufika(I was dead the time you pitch)
Then, you breathed into my mouth
your soul of life
You were my last life.

My stomach is sick.