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Nolan Patterson Mar 2020
What determines value?
What makes a dollar greater than a coin
Why does it feel like worth vanishes
From everything that matters
Why do others get to decide my value?
Why can I not move forward

I’m done listening to their words
I’m done allowing chains to hold me back
These weights that have held me down
Forged from the hammer of heavy words
And heated anger against something else
Will no longer hold me back
Because if they can decide my worth
Then I will decide how heavy the weight is.

No longer will their past weigh me down
No longer will it affect my actions
I’m done being afraid of the pain
I’m done being bound
By the sorrow and regret of others
Since I made their problems my burden
I did not allow myself to move forward
And instead follow in the shadows
Changing how I saw my worth
As their scars and damage was added to my own.
No longer did I shine like a silver dollar
But instead I became covered in dirt and hidden.
My apparent value decreasing with each lie I told myself

Well no longer will dirt of their problems
Blind my eyes and hide my glow
No longer shall their words
Fall heavy against the fire of pain
No longer shall they forge new weights and chains
But instead I will shine
My passion burning brighter
Than their pain from the past
As their crude and dark chains melt
And I forge them into a sword
That shines bright as I pave my own path into the future
Instead of following in their wake

No longer is my worth muddied by others
But instead is more than ever before
Shaina Jan 2020
There once was a girl
Who lived in a dark cavern
Far under the ground
Was this destitute tavern

And inside the cavern
All over the walls
Were tall, glassy mirrors
When she spoke, they answered her calls

"Who am ?" she asked
As desperate as could be
"A sinner," they replied
"This is your reality.

You've made the wrong choices
I'm sorry, my dear,
But the guilt you've obtained
We can see, crystal clear.

From being ignored, to
The lies, and the pain,
It's so easy to see
A sorrowful heart is all you've gained."

As the girl looked into the mirrors
She began to believe
"No one appreciates my efforts,
They aren't worth while, no one listens to me."

And the mirrors around her
Reflected the pain in her face
The dark thoughts she had
She could never erase

And as the girl stood there
Day in and day out
Staring at her reflection
She started to doubt

The pain she was feeling
From friends, family, and sin
Was weighing her spirit down
Her patience began to wear thin

And each day her anger
And disbelief grew
But she hid her true feelings under a cloak
So the next thing she knew

Another weight was added to the cape
This one a venomous snake
That draped around her neck
And wouldn't let her escape

It stayed with her for a while
Weighing her down with a mischievous smile
And one day decided to take a bite
And she didn't even try to put up a fight

Now don't get me wrong
She forgave the sweet snake
But little did she know
She still carried the weight

And when she experienced
Others negativity
It simply wove it's yellow thread
Into the cloak's haunting tapestry

Did she hide the cloak? No
But she let people see
The hurt she experienced
To gain their sympathy

But she never revealed
The hidden message of the silk
So the hurt wouldn’t spread
The colors wouldn't bleed

"If people don't appreciate me
For what I do for them
Maybe they'll appreciate me
When they see where I've been!"

So she showed off her sorrow
But put on a brave face
Whenever someone asked her
If she was okay

She didn't know why
But she showed her emotions
Only to shut people out
When they wanted to be let in

And each time she experienced
Another's criticism or complaints
She turned away, hurt,
But kept making mistakes

"I don't want to weigh people down," she would say
"For my problems are small."
And because of this mindset
She carried them all

So her cloak got more heavy
And the hurt cut more deep
But she tried to keep her head up
Although she was afraid to speak

"God forgives me," she said
"But I can't forgive myself.
Lord, help me out of this place,
And out of this mirrored cell!"

For her focus was on herself,
Though she tried to look up
Her cloak weighing her down,
Her own strength could never be enough

And as the days passed
The guilt weighed on her so
The shame pinning her down
And not letting her go

"It hurts so much, Father,"
she said, day after day
"It's too much. My heart can't take it,
Please make it go away!"

And she begged and she pleaded
Until she was on her knees
And lowering herself she found
She could clearly see

A weak stranger in the mirror
More broken than she knew
And as she looked in her tear filled eyes
She saw the mirror was broken, too

The image of her innocence
Now seemingly damaged beyond repair
And as she stared into the glass
She no longer recognized the girl kneeling there

"How can you forgive me, Lord?
I don't even see myself!
For this is not the innocent child
I used to know so well."

Her iniquities sewn on the cloak around her,
But she didn't take it off
"If I must live with this sin on my cloak
I should get used to the feeling of its cloth."

So she continued to trudge along
Day in and day out
Blaming herself for things
Afraid of opening her mouth

The hurt stacked up and up
Till she began to scream
Her reflection in the mirrors
Not what she meant it to be

"I cannot seem to stop
This hurt inside of me
Father, what can I do?
I can no longer see!"

She begged for forgiveness
Till her throat was dirt dry
And the days, going quickly, yet painfully
Passed by

She was so ashamed
And even when she read scripture
She couldn't shake the feeling
That had now gripped her

But with time the Lord's mercy
Guided her soul
To places of peace and comfort
Where He showed her the goal

"This is meant for you child," He said
"To learn and to grow.
For you cannot be prepared for the world
Without learning to let go

For you are holding onto something
I could've taken long ago
I love you, my precious one
Far more than you know

Your purity is not forever marred
For I can make you white as snow
Come to me, young one, heavy laden
For here green pastures grow

Come, drink of the waters of healing
Wash in the pool of forgiveness
And when you look into the still river
You'll see the reflection of innocence

My heart breaks to see yours broken, child
And that will never change
For as I'm looking down at you
I see what beauty I have made

There's nothing that can separate you
From my unfailing love
And as you take the unwise path
I'm healing you from above

I AM the reason you're still here
I AM the peace you seek
In me you shall find your everything, for
I AM choosing you to teach.

Your worth is not now any less
Than when you first awoke
Look up, my daughter, and you will see
LOOK UP, TAKE OFF YOUR CLOAK."

And as she looked into the mirror
The image began to clear
Her eyes were opened then, to see
The child He held so dear

And as she stood up, her cloak fell off
And crumpled on the ground
She started to see the meaning of the trial
At last she was longer bound

The fog in her eyes began to break
And the light shone through again
And as the time passed by
She found she was no longer where she had been

For the dark cavern around her
Had faded into blue
She saw the clear sky once again
And saw the girl she once knew

"Thank you Lord, for growing me," she whispered
"For showing me what your love means.
For teaching me that without you I am nothing
That your strength is what I need

I am weak, frail, and pitiful
But you are strong, mighty, and capable
There's nothing I've done that cannot be erased
Nothing done to me that won't be abased

You've humbled me to breaking point
And for that I'm so grateful
For if I had not gone through this
I wouldn't truly see you're able

To wash away my sins
As you've wiped away my tears
To bring me out of darkness
And vanquish all my fears

To pour out a mercy that I didn't understand
To show me that I was still inside of your hands
To guide me through hardship and tragedy
Because you wanted to tell me that you loved me."

And as the girl looked up
Her Father smiled down
She knew again by that weight
She'd no longer be bound

The prize was worth the cost
For the grace to abound
For once she was lost
But now, she is found.
M R White Dec 2019
How many burdens do you carry? How many have you passed through your kin? How much of your burden is not yours to carry?
I have struggled with these questions.
What burdens are mine? My shoulders are weakened by these unanswered questions.
I know that maybe this is just family tradition, I was given them at birth. Yet, I did not pick them. I would like to know why I have inherited them. Have my brother have them? Does my sister struggle with similar questions?
What if I did not care to nurture them anymore?
Would they die with me?
Or still be gifted to my kin?
And if they were given to my kin, how would my kin feel?
Would they bare it like Atlas, strap it to their backs and lift with their knees?
Or never speak of it. Hide it in a locket around their neck, neatly tucked under their shirts.
Would they take time to calculate their percentage of the age old burden? Or bury it somewhere in the country, deep into the side of a mountain, with the rest of the ancestors.
I’d hope they would give the burden back to the rightful owners.
I hope with all my being left, they are mighty enough to confront the age old tradition. I hope they give each burden back, to each dead being in the grave.
I am weary of carrying the ancient decisions of my elders.
I wish you luck, my child.
The size of the burden does not determine its weight.
It is heavy.
It has nearly buried me with its ominous weight.
I now understand why the burden is so easily passed without a second thought.
I just hope my guilt does not add to its weight.
M R White Dec 2019
I never have really been able to pin point who I am
I am too much of every important person in my life
Recklessly in love, like my eldest sister
Yet quiet and reserved, as my brother
I carry the same intensity as my father
And the same careless actions of my mother
I am not very understanding to blatant ignorance
But if I share the same ignorance
I understand
I have questioned for many years
Why am I burdened with this
A teacher once told me it is because of the empathy I carry
strapped to my back
I feel its weight often
it is
tiring
and
trying
I wish I could rid it someway
But I fear I am stuck with it
Dani Dec 2019
I'm so sorry for all of this
You didn't know
I wasn't able to tell you
Every time I open my mouth I feel like I want to scream
But silence and sobs are the only things that slip from my lips
You didn't know  
I was sitting on the floor
You didn't know
there were tears streaming slowly down my face
And I'm so sorry I couldn't bare to tell you
I couldn't bare to be the burden
I didn't want to put the weight upon your shoulders
They were already being weighed down by your troubles
You didn't know
I was struggling
That's my fault
I'm so sorry
You didn't know
Empire Jul 2019
Why are you so sad, dear?
What burdens tug on your heart?
Draw tears from your kind eyes...
Why are you aching?
I can feel it in my soul

You’re not well, my love
Come here
I’ll hold you for a bit
Wrap you in a warm embrace
Feel the consistency of my heart
Feel the strength in my arms
Let me carry it all for a stretch
You don’t have to do it all alone

Though I know you can, my warrior

But I can't watch you do this
Destroy yourself
Slowly, subtly
I've noticed
And it makes me very afraid

Despite what you believe, darling
You are really quite lovely
Your presence a treasure

You are exquisite

Sweetheart, just rest for a bit
Can you do that for me?
Sit with me
Tell me everything on your mind
Release every tear you've been hiding
I'll just listen
I'll just be here with you
Until you're alright
A cathartic fantasy...

Perhaps a kind of love letter? I think I could use one of those...
carry burdens over your back
the burdens tired and you are still in lack
of asking for help or articulate how is your back

suffering from bearing that gravities that must sack
your dream in honorable life and smart  frontage
you ****** bad luck, they said you merit to attack
the life is full of burdens and pain. wo could suffer it, will win
Empire Apr 2019
Some days
My burdens are heavy
Awkward and painful to carry
Weighing me down
Making me struggle
Just to want to take my next breath

Some days
I am surprised
By the contentment in my heart
The adventure of living
Finally seems a good plan
And I breathe in deep
Maybe the good days
Fleeting as they may be
Are worth fighting
Through all the pain
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