The school building hates me.
It hisses every time my body
Slams into its lockers,
It forces me to pop the dints out

It complains every time my blood
stains it’s pristine halls.
It forces to catch blood before it leaks out.

It growls every time my tears
Burn it’s skin in the bathrooms
It forces me to stop before crying out.

I hate the school building.
Each day on its steps, I worship its doors.
Each day we promise a treaty.
Each day it promises to let me live
If I promise to get out as soon as I can.

The school building and I hate each other.

The names they have called me echo around in my head,
reminding me of who people think I am.
But it's not like I got to choose that anyways.
My words can't affect their view of me,
but their words can affect the way I view myself.

Weird.
You said you were just joking.
That didn't make it hurt any less,
even though I claimed it did.
Then you moved on to calling me "limited edition"
because you thought weird was too hurtful.
It still hurts because you meant weird every single time you called me limited edition.
You moved back to weird eventually,
I think.
The names continued,
progressively getting worse and worse until you started calling me things I dare not repeat!
Oh, but I was laughing?
It was to keep the tears from falling because God knows that makes me a crybaby.
I thought we were best friends, and I was obviously wrong.
The only reason I stuck around you was because I had no one else.
You called me gay for hugging someone I thought was a friend at her birthday party.

Sweet little unforgettable thing.
You thought you could slide that one past me,
but I put the first letters together;
I know what you meant,
even though I have no idea why you'd call me that.
I've never had a boyfriend,
much less a first kiss.
Dumb.
I never really understood this one;
I'm top in my class.
That didn't mean the names didn't hurt,
because they did.
I just didn't understand.

This next one wasn't exactly said with words,
but I got the jist when you wouldn't let me hang out with you and your friends.
I wasn't cool enough.
I.
Wasn't.
Cool enough.
Little did you know
that your words continued
to plunge themselves like knives
into my vulnerable spinning wheel
of a heart
until you hit the bullseye
and it exploded into a million tiny shards
that I can't even begin to pick up.

Candy wrappers,
Dripping red.
Gum drop purple knees.
Salty.

I was Harriet the Spy
to cope with your cruelty
thank god for that movie

Memories gaslight me anyway
whispering that I was wrong
and not good enough

I think mom
What should
Have been
Said is that I was
Suffering under an oppressive
Regime
Called catholic school

I Think mom
What should have
Been said
Is that
I was being bullies for things
Out of my control
And had to suffer 20 odd years

I think mom
What should
Is the word human rights violations
And law suit
Justice
And proper counseling

Britney Spears
The queen of conformity
Heterosexuality
The ****** of ******
Excuse my French I beg
But she is the angel
O death
For many girl starve
Or murderthem selves because of her
She is my most hate celebrity
And people argon poor marylin manson
Tics.

I do not know which is worse
Physical pain or emotional pain

I don’t not know which is worse
Physical torture or dealing with really mean people

I do not know what is worse
Being talked down to or being beaten up physically
take a guess

I know this is an excuse
But  also the truth
If it weren’t for each and every one
Of those toxic people
In my life
I would be in the United States being an FBI agent

I know this is an excuse
But also the truth
If it weren’t for each and every one
Of those toxic people
In my life
I would be a medical examiner helping people find and solve crimes and find a cure for cancer


I know this is an excuse
But it’s also the truth
But if it weren’t for each and every one
Of those toxic people
In my life
Who knows I may have been a famous artist by now

I write about suicide
For thing
Is there is one of my pet causes
You see I  how had  to face turn years of hardship in my 20s
Because of my PTSD and my bullying that I went through
The toxic people in my life
All these things I wanted to face up close and personal instead of cowering
I'm looking way from death

I write about suicide
For one thing
That is it no one else has to die
Or have to suffer what I had to suffer in my 20s
Because the bad times do not last

In some eastern philosophies not everything last forever
And that includes emotions and dark thoughts
They too shall pass if you give it a chance