taunting,
like my childhood bully
on the blacktop
of the elementary school i once attended.
poking me all over.
tormenting me.
the mocking laughter.
kicking me in the ribs,
until i ran out of air.
that's what our memories
feel like

"What you did to me is unheard of. Unspeakable. You are repulsive. Goodbye."
I can't deal with you no more.
You were my best friend.
Called me a b** and h and so, so much more.
At this point,
if you don't know those two words,
then you haven't been in this sort of situation.
He was my best friend.
My best friend.
It's still burned in the back of my mind.

Surprising,
isn't it,
when the person you trust the most
doesn't just bail,
but hurts you.
The person you loved the most
makes you stay up crying in bed.
The person you loved the most
makes you feel afraid of going to school
or unlocking your phone.

At this point,
I have given up.
My real friends are my old friends,
the ones everyone thought I would dump forever.
But, they always lurked in the background
of my life.
They may have been shoved to the side,
but never did they fade.

These are the friends that were by your side
through the hardest times.
Before you meet the one friend you
get crazy close with in one night and
pretend
trust grows on trees,
think about your old friends.
The ones you might be mad at for a stupid,
stupid reason.
Give them a chance.

Don't let the others fade,
just because you found a new "them."

You've replaced them.
But, the replacement will fail to serve.

When she wants to fly to chase the shooting stars
Or when she wants to sleep at the surface of the clouds
The chain will pull her back to the ground hard
But nobody hear her falling, even after she yelled in pain really loud

Anxiety holds the chain and life bites her neck
Crushed and cannot do anything, all of her bones starts to break
Then left wounded in this cold world
Tried to manage the pain by her own while she trembles

Confused where to cry, because she can’t find a shoulder
Stress filled inside the heart of her mother
Her father is selfish yet filled with anger
Her cousin is a *******
Her boyfriend doesn’t act like her lover
She was born to be the only daughter
Her half siblings are still a youngster
And the society doesn’t seems to care about her

She tried to heal depression with physical pain
A cutter on a right hand and tried to cut her left hand veins
Then she would use her blood as an ink
To write her poetries
Hides her scars with sleeves, and her smile hides her true feelings

Two of her besties are willing to help her when she is down
One of them stands on her side to help her stand up on the ground
And she makes her to promise never cut herself again
But the other one, got separated by the oceans
He can only listens
After he knew how dark her was experience
He was speechless because her world are far more worst then his expectations

But no matter how harsh her stories
She will never give up
Because from pain she learns to be stronger

I smile at you as I walk in
Because I think you’re cool
You grin I feel I win
Even if I’m at school

I smile at you as I walk in
Because you laughed with me yesterday
We spoke we joked
And I am excited for today

I smile at you as I walk in
But today things kind of change
You sneer at my tears
It was a little bit strange

I smile at you as I walk in
Because I’m afraid of if I forget
You roll your eyes I get into disguise
As someone who’s not breaking yet

I smile at you as I walk in
But you don’t smile back
You look mean from what I’ve seen
Your eyes are glowing black

I smile at you as I walk in
And you roll your eyes at me
I’m stunned so I run
Don’t care where just have to flee

I smile at you as I walk in
I don’t know why I still do
In spite I try to be polite
Even as your cruelty grew

I smile at you as I walk in
And you smile as well
But I’m aware of your affair
With making me walk on eggshells

I smile at you as I walk in
And maybe you get to me
I forget your words and threat
And I start to agree

I smile at you as I walk in
But because I know something new
I’ve tried to be tough but it’s enough
Everyone now knows what you do

I smile at you as I walk in
Because its your last day in these rooms
I grin because I win
You’re a flower that will never bloom

Diseased turnip
Rooting in the dirt
Rotting fodder
Unpicked
Untapped
Gnarled and bitter
Lying under your bridge
When you are gone
No-one will miss your rancid rag


© 2019 MJL

You made fun of that poor wretched soul but no amount of makeup could
cover up your ugly, darkened, mishapened heart.