"You lied to me"

"Why did I trust you?"

He looked in my eyes,
  Those ocean shores began to become waves I've never seen before

His voice was a sound my ears never heard but was familiar like something from the past.

He answered. "You knew me.

And you didn't"

When the person you love
feels ,you've become the person they loved then
The person you love will become the person who loved you and
no matter how hard you try,
their loss , their memories and your love for them becomes your cornerstone and
There is nothing in this world that will help you snap out of it.

No books , no prep school , no charity , no clubs , no friends ,no amount of alcohol , not a hundred dates ,  not even writing a thousand poems about them is gonna help you snap out of it.

Your love,your true unrequited love will forever persist as your cornerstone from the day you fell till the day you fall.

I’d like to think that you are evil, pure evil.
Cause people who are pure evil, they don’t know better.
They hurt people on a daily.
If you are pure evil, hurting me would be something you can’t help.
It would be something written in your veins.
Something doomed to happen.
And most importantly,
it wouldn’t  be by choice.

I'm tired- I'm aching
My head feels as if breaking
Hot- cold zaps and flashes
Slice through from the back of my brain

Body aches and chills rip on through
Eyeballs pained from bright lights
Patience thinner than cell membrane
Anger- I hold in reserves for moments
I need to tell oppressors off-
Swelling into seismic tidal waves
I cling onto my sanity-
The shreds bits and pieces left
As it feels I have none

The urge to collapse keeps me company
I force myself on- in the tsunami
To sleep it off is a luxury- unaffordable
So I drag myself to my workplaces

For earning money is
More important than my needs
Earning money is my priority need

Even if the back of my brain feels starved
Oxygen running so low- if I were to
Have been born of centuries prior-
A drilled hole in my skull sounds wonderous

Yet born of today- I know better
And yet on my brain zap- booms- shreds itself
Searching for the chemical happiness
Encased in pretty pink pills
Lost in the American healthcare war

I've been searching the sun through the mountains till I forgot that clouds are built to be loved too.
I've been thinking too hard and forgot that I should do what I want to.
I've been tossing and turning, round and round, till I forget that nights aren't able to hold me long.
I've been crying and screaming till I forgot that stars are singing lullaby songs.
I've been looking and watching till I forgot that wings are built to fly high.
I've been in my room and staying in till I forgot that I'm no longer a dice.
Let me know if the coast is clear
And I'll let you know if I'm out of my fear.

Don't see me as the broking girl.
I am so much more.