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Northern Poet Oct 2017
You'll eat meat
And love a bacon sarnie
When you're ******
You'll smash a biryani
But when it comes to
Chopped pork, rinds and ham
No one wants to eat spam

In the Great War
We survived on rations
And beat zee Germans
With ******* passion
The lads didn't complain
About what they had to eat
Whether it was a le carte
Or mashed-up meat
But these days
That's not your jam
And no one wants to eat spam

It's great in a fry up
And ******* lovely in a butty
Get the kettle on
And get comfy
And enjoy
A cup of ******* tea
And eat your spam
Perfect with ketchup or HP
And don't complain
That it ain't real meat
Just get it in your gob
And enjoy this tasty treat

But most of you
Are to blame
And like the majority
Don't think it's the same
You're into avocados
Poached eggs and all that
And can't stand the thought
Of a chopped pig in a can
When you were young
You should've listened to your nan
Now it's a ******* shame
No one wants to eat spam
Trevor Locke Sep 2017
Standing in the garden
light rain spitting on my face
I puffed a roll-up and thought
my whole life has been a series of days

When I was baby I slept a lot
and then I was awake
I had no idea that I was alive
let alone that life was series of days

As an infant I woke in the morning
and stayed awake all day
till it was time to sleep again
if I was lucky in my way

As a child I knew each day was different
There were good days and there were bad
but most days were just days
when nothing happened.

I became a teenager
and getting through each day
could be a struggle at times.
Some days were milestones along the way.

As an adult I found that I could count
on some days being great,
like the day I got married, the day I started a job
or the day I moved into my first house.

I asked myself: 'how many days I have I been alive?'
Simple: that's just 365 times 67
that's 24,455 as of now.
That's seems like a lot. Wow!

Most are just ordinary days,
average days when little happens
but then there are the big days
the ones I will always remember.

I do not remember the day I was born.
I shall not remember the day that I die.
But in between there are so many
and some I would prefer to forget.

Some I have written down in diaries
others I have photos to remind me.
Some I have souvenirs to keep
and some are vague, mysterious recollections.

Each has a set routine of waking up
doing a lot of things again
that were the same as yesterday
and then something happens...

something big that stands out from all the rest
when life went off on a different path
(sometimes these are some of the best)
and some are just an incredible laugh.

But some are steeped in sadness,
tears, regret, unmet ambitions
lost longings, unrequited desires
and moments of astonishing madness.

But as you draw nearer to death
each day is an astounding success
not just because you are still alive
but because you add it to all the rest.
Chloe Aug 2017
i can see what these lads are doing
they're after a *******
i look a state
but
atleast i'm in this with my best mate
"excuse me"
i overhear
from the girl with the can of beer
"can i pinch some gear"

my peers are fazing
their eyes are gazing
i've lost my bank card
but
atleast i didn't get bared
"don't smack me in the ear"
i overhear
from the guy fighting with his peer
"let's not start fighting here"

gyspy flicking lighters
we were the all  nighters
chanting on the nightclub flighters
Breeze-Mist Aug 2017
You could very well
Say that American ways
Are "bizarre" or "odd"

But I have seen some
British soldiers taking
Portraits with a sheep
As an American (who is aware that we have our own share of oddities), there is no explanation that makes two soldiers in full uniform taking a formal photo with a sheep outside of barracks a block from Buckingham Palace less weird.
White noise on the monitor
brittle and bitter loathing
excited by nothing but
the something under bed.

#speakless
#feelmore?
#twittering
all such useless noise.

Action is essential -
"pessimism of the intellect
optimism of the will"
wrote Gramsci, rotting in his cell.

Machine gun fire from my fingertips;
I feel the words flow like some
maelstrom of masculine violence
on some long lost mental battlefield
some monolith of shame,
Monkeys.

You don't speak, you don't listen
you're encased in your own cage.
So am I. Alive half-dead,
brittle to the core with the
threat of indifference.
Dead with the action of knowing that one is at peace
with it, the fear of the self, divided
  -in two
blue? Oh yes, blue blue blue, blue blue blue.

Red pill, blue pill, truth.
Yawn, boring internet culture.
Yawn the squalid indifference.
Yawn the 21st century
Yawn the 22nd century etc etc
Yawn the suffocating critic,
Yawn your inaction,
Yawn my pretension,
Yawn my failed attempts at caring -
Not natural.

"Yes very clever, post it on the wall and
gain applause from the decaying crowd" she says,
"as they self implode out the echoes of
emptiness, measured monolith"

I scrawl -
"no more of this".
Burning brain can crush and does frequently so don't tempt
it to go Godzilla, I can do it with ease.
Crush cities in my mind. Bombastic ******* when push
and shove meet in urban jungles.

Painful Pan Pen Ease, woodland industrial spirit crush
Boom.

The title is a clue,
Go away.
It’s Sunday dinner and I’m in the queue,
already bloated after a pint or two.
The queue moves forward and I’m finally here!
I think I’m gonna make myself sick, I fear!
With five types of spuds and four kinds of meat
I’m gonna get bloated right down to my feet!
I load up on sprouts and Yorkshire puds too.
I paid good money for this, so I think I’ll have two.
The plate’s ready to break so I head for my table,
but it’s so ******* heavy that I’m barely able!
Huffing and puffing, I get to my chair
and don’t waste a second; just dive right in there!
I eat and I eat, ‘till I think I could burst,
but I’ve gotta keep going and get my money’s worth.
I stuff myself silly, and I’m SO full of food!
Oh, ****! Need the toilet! But I don’t think I can move!
The British People are a greedy lot
It’s Sunday dinner and I’m in the queue,
already bloated after a pint or two.
The queue moves forward and I’m finally here!
I think I’m gonna make myself sick, I fear!
With five types of spuds and four kinds of meat
I’m gonna get bloated right down to my feet!
I load up on sprouts and Yorkshire puds too.
I paid good money for this, so I think I’ll have two.
The plate’s ready to break so I head for my table,
but it’s so ******* heavy that I’m barely able!
Huffing and puffing, I get to my chair
and don’t waste a second; just dive right in there!
I eat and I eat, ‘till I think I could burst,
but I’ve gotta keep going and get my money’s worth.
I stuff myself silly, and I’m SO full of food!
Oh, ****! Need the toilet! But I don’t think I can move!
The British People are a greedy lot
She looks at me
Squints in one eye
Runs her tongue around her lips
From one corner to the other
My heart races, head flutters
I'm just so hot inside
Burning up in fact
Beads of sweat pour from my forehead
Drip down my nose and I realise
She has what I so very badly want
She pulls her hand away from her mouth
"What the **** are you looking at?"
I choke on my words before they come out
I'm so embarrassed
"I'm sorry love, that cornetto looks amazing right now"

For it is a British heatwave
We're strange enough in our usual
Cold and wet weather
We're freaks in the sun
31°C  in September is unnatural here.
Joelle A Owusu Jun 2016
England will shake
And Great Britain will break.
Blows to the head, from the heart
Is what’s torn us apart.
Divided we stand,
With no outstretched hand.
United no more
With fear at the core.
A poem about the UK's vote to leave  the EU.
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