it feels as if everything
needs to be done all at once
watching all your fallen words
while you become a ghost in my presence
a subtle trembling “I'm not ready”
unable to breathe you in
you needing time & space
feeling like any other given reason
strung out to dry
will make you fall further behind

the meadow watches me
eyes hidden in flower buds
while i run through the tall grass
chasing after a ghost
its blurry form shifting colours
like the sunset and sunrise
sweat drips
down my cheeks
maybe i'm crying
i can't tell, really
i just know that
my lungs breathe clean air
for the very first time.

I swear it, I'm not suicidal or anything,
But do you know how hard it is to breathe,
It's so hard that I just wished that I stopped.

-fir.m.

I've been seeing nightmares in my sleep
tryna stay awake so i wouldn't dream
i can feel the demons following me
tryna push me when i cross the streets
it's getting way harder for me to breathe
knowing that your putting curses on me
you're not even here but you're killing me
you're not even here but i can hear you breathe
are you gonna stay with me or will you leave
i can't get over the anxiety
who are you to walk all over me
who are you to stop me from reaching my dreams
you said you're the devil on my shoulder
but you're just a lover turned to enemy
i don't want to be running i want to be free
i don't want to be reminding myself how to breathe
just let me go let me be
just let me go and let me heal
i'm not a robot for you to control
i'm not a toy you make up stories about
i'm just a human who likes to love
you're too sad you have to hide your truths

i’m more human than you are
more human than your wickedly
accentuated cheekbones
the hair that falls in clumps above
your eyebrows
has more life in each strand
than you have in your entire body
your charcoal colored locks
that get lightened in the sunshine
gather more oxygen
than your own lungs can inhale

i’m more human than you are
when i laugh, i can’t breathe
when i’m anxious, i feel inches away
from death
it lingers in the pockets of the heat
it traps inside my airways
yet, i can breathe finer air than you

even though the haze upon the horizon
blocks traffic, makes people stop for a second
it is more alive than you’ll ever be
it winds and dips and turns
flowing through the atmosphere
creeping down the downtown streets
yet, it’s more awake than your resting body

and i understand this might be
a touchy
subject for you
but you need to let the air stay in your lungs
for more than a millisecond
let it sizzle inside your skin
feel your vessels and veins shrink and grow
let the blood flow reach your panicked head
let it expand inside your brain
and feel the cells chatter and goop
like water

you’re more human than you think
yourself to be
more raw and real and vigorous
you have a soul buried in your eyes
unlike the caterpillars chewing on
plants who only do it to keep their
species thriving
you’re a human who can extend their limbs
to reach the furthest lengths
your heart can think to be
bursting with life

i’m still more human than you are
this pen i was locked in
stuffed my self esteem
but i’m still breathing, aren’t i?
i can chase the wonky walking warbler
i can lie
between blades of grass
letting the earth sink into the linings
of my skin
even though an itch might bust through
i still find a way to absorb the
outside weather
the humidity and the direction the
wind is blowing, or choosing to travel

you’re more human than you think
can retreat from out of you
breathe, and maybe the cricket chirps
will make you resort back to
rolling down hilltops or
jumping off rugged cliffs
next time when you jump
internalize it
and maybe next time
imagine you’re a sparrow for a second
tasting the air, as the water embraces you
and calls your name
so,

                          answer back

breathe in
the ice cold waters fill my chest
as delicate strings strum in my head

"careful, you'll crack your head open"

careless, my thoughts come pouring out

jump in
unwind and relax
droplets ebb and flow
with a mind of its own

reach out
extend a helping hand
these shallow waters
soak my shoes

laugh
unstrained and wet with tears
living in a daydream
has never felt this real.

movement makes it hurt less
take some deep breaths
you'll get through this
it's not the first wave you've hit