I have a crush on death
And it's growing every day

                 I grab the bottle

Maybe its time to slip away
Into the darkness
Let the pain swallow me up

                 I take off the top

My thoughts would slow and
Soften to a hum

                 I reach for the rope

My eyes would close for the last time
I never have to see myself again

                  I tie the noose

How wonderful it would be
To never have another thought
To never hear my voice again
To finally make it stop

                  I revise my note
  . .
   . .
    . .

But
This is just a reckless fantasy
A way to elude reality

                  I put the bottle away
                  I untie the rope
                  I place the note with the others

        Take a deep breath and
        Keep these moments to myself

You say you want to keep me safe,
But the fact is this:
         No one can save me from
                      Myself

Woke up to a pale gray morning
Gray bed, gray room, gray me
And it took a hundred deep breaths
For my eyes to see
The blue, the red,
‘cause my head
Was telling lies again

Woke up staring at the ceiling
To a stale cold noon
And it took a hundred deep breaths
To mute down the gray tune
The silent words
With weight of worlds
That said I was to blame

Woke up to a scary evening
Trapped inside my head
And it took a hundred deep breaths
To cut apart the thread
That choked my throat
With lines I wrote
Of guilt and hate and shame

Woke up with this red-blue feeling
Mixed all up in gray
And with each one of the deep breaths
I unmixed them again
See red, feel blue
But every hue
Makes me who I am

I'm running on a treadmill sweat is dripping down my face I'm running on a treadmill can I keep up with the pace I'm running like I'm being chased. I'm running to a place that doesn't exist. I'm running running running waiting for someone to assist me. I'm learning more about myself but also watching everyone flee from me, I'm running towards something that I'm not sure was meant to be I'm running and my ears are starting ring ring RING! Its starting to sting I'm running away from something thats attached I'm running to catch something that wasn't meant to be catched

i am spinning in a sea of my thoughts,
reaching for someone to
help me,
save me,
but no one does,
and i drown.