remember when you use to video call me,
we would be chatting for hours.
that's when you use to talk to me.
i could barely get a text back now,
but it's all my fault, there's my accountability.
i really took things for granted.
that phrase i always say pops up,
if you are not meant to be my lover,
i hope that you can still be my best friend.
i want to blame it on one thing but i could only blame myself.
i hope you see my actions i am really trying to break these bad habits.

I know I ask a lot of you
I know all that I put you through
my roller coaster of a brain
you all must think I am insane

I'm sorry that I'm scary
I'm sorry that I'm vague
I'm sorry that I'm all too much
avoid me like a plague

if only you were indifferent
if only I was not here
if only it was different
things are now quite clear

I don't want to be this way
I don't want the ups and downs
I'm trying still to fix myself
in the room decorated with clowns

****** up head and BPD, girl, I know you wanted me
Wanna see me in the dirt, wanna see me in a skirt
I wanna be cute like you, let me feel your molecules
**** me hard inside the church, then I'll show you my cute skirt

Girl, you make me so warm
Without you, I'm so bored
Your voice is stuck inside my head
My blood spilled, it's really red
Come right here and lick it up
Kiss my neck and **** me up
**** me 'til the sun's up, **** me 'til I throw up

I was a child,
never asked for this!
I try not to view the negative,
I see the beauty; not just myself,
but what I am able to create with
my illusions!
I have a bad habit of romanticizing
a suicide!
Everyday is a beautiful day to die!
I have so much too loose,
I cannot afford to be a fool.
To let my talents go to waste,
there’s not many of us who are chosen for this.
Many don’t have a clue!
Can you read between my lines?
Are you able to know if I am telling you lies?
Stay long enough, I can probably make you cry.
The words I express,
I rather feel than to be emotionless!!!
The other Cluster B members are powerless,
I am able to get under their skin because of it!

What do I have to do to be accepted
to be me, to be judgement free.
I couldn't even fit in with my own family.
Half of them don't even speak to me and don't dare speak of me, they'll shut u up immediately.
Yes, I can be a handful, they call me dramatic
but they never wondered what caused me to develop very bad habits.
They ignored it,
so, I turned to drugs and alcohol.
My own image is distorted.
I wonder if BPD was just genetics, because my own mother can be so hectic.
Or if it was inflicted, by my older brother
that needed to bust quick, because he couldn’t get any *******.

many things i know are unspoken,
as i sip this drink,
they start unfolding.
i tell myself,
‘i shouldn’t go there.’
to whom it may concern?
i don’t even know them!
they don’t believe me,
because i have BPD and addictions.
it’s unfair,
but they forget i'm very self aware.
if i didn’t care,
i wouldn’t be here.
i’m using this outlet,
to speak for my BPD peers!