echoes fall on my skin
like ripples of fear
a lonely gaze toward pattern
ignores the warmth behind my eyes
I trace the veins of my hand
rolling bones and tendons
a feeling of solace
the sound of my own breaking
under pressure I caused

a lilac touches the nape of my neck
soft and forgiving
a grace I do not grant myself
serenity found in chills
interrupting ripples
disturbing the disturbance

The pain awakes deep in my belly
Making me want to scream at top of my lungs,
Reap and tear the flesh off my bones,
Dragging all insides on the outside

Now that I’m lying dead and broken,
Blood, **** and liquids of my body
Fill my throat, go into my nose and into my eyes,
Making me choke on them in pre-death convulsions

And so I’m dead, I depart my sinful body,
Watching angels coming for me from above,
Reaching with their shining hands for my soul
Only demons are faster, their hands are burning fire,
And before I realize it, I’ve already been dragged into hell, chained and cursed for eternity

I’m slipping again.
I can hear them.
Whispered admonishments,
Echo in my head…
Louder and louder,
As I feel fuller and fuller,
All my spaces filled with shadows,
And the demons start to creep,
Clawing up my throat
And through the cuts in my skin.
I can’t control the chaos,
My hands are sliding on the reins,
I wish that I could ask for help,
But they won’t let me.

I don’t recognise the face I see,
Staring from the mirror,
It’s pale,
empty,
An ill-formed shell,
A weak and cracked container
For this maelstrom,
My hell.

They’re scratching at my skin again,
Make it stop, make it stop.
My bones are breaking through again,
Make it stop.

the push of my mind
falls into lavender fields
velvet night brushes against cheek bones
exposed skin floats in time
ecstasy is exposed through the flow of cold

the day unveils things too warm
instead, fall with me into the dark
as my mind incandescently
illuminates the world

at night
the sound shifts
and in the low hum of voices
I hear a silence hiding
a flower growing in concrete
laughter and sadness live
in this place
beacons, shedding light
on darkness
and how the dark
        will break your bones
        and turn your stomach
without the silence

In the nights,
When I'm alone,
There's just this feeling,
I get in my bones.

It always gets in my head
Making me think about things
I know I would regret.

But fear not!

There's a good side to this.
Because you see...
It also makes you feel brave.

But remember this as well.
Braveness could lead to a grave.