You were my only first!
You were the one I needed!
When I woke up at first light,
You were my best indeed!

You were so strong for me,
Reliable like a rock!
In moments of agonising anguish
You were my only block!

I never not even thought that
I’d have to confess to you:
I’m sorry, it hurts me, but it can’t be helped,
I have to break up with you.

My bitter coffee of hopes!
My hot coffee of dreams!
Please, know one thing, in my heart forever
You were and you are my essential things!

Sometimes I do not know what to write,
What to think or even,
How to feel.
So I let my subconscious take lead,
and my fingers obey
Like a loyal dog with fleas
I feel I have to write
As desperate as the dog needs to itch
But sometimes the dog will itch so much it leaves a wound,
And the wound is still itchy
Soon before the dog knows, it's infected
Now it's on its way to the vet
Where the vet gives it cream and a cone around it's neck.
Unfortunately for the dog and unbeknownst to the master
The itch cream doesn't work.
Now, the dog is stuck with an itch and no way to scratch it.
But at least the dog doesn't have fleas anymore

There are days where the world makes me draw a blank, where nothing fits and all I do is think all ropes struck split-ended and torn no paths cross no links and certainly no endings. A trail begins and the hill drops down steeply low below my groans and moans of pain and distraught - I'm forced to appeal, to let them go. Jump! Jump! And I draw a blank.

Sometimes nothingness stares back at me; looming over me and my thoughts - overbearingly present consuming my mind until there's nothing left but this stark stinging sound scratching in my ear
I’m forced to itch an itch I can’t reach; unfulfilled and tense I’m annoyed and aggravated, in agony and anguish.

These days, which seem to last weeks, cut deep into the abyss of my memories;

who I was supposed to be. A dull glow of an image I traced in my mind steadily peering over my hollow body haunting all the squeaks and creaks of my joints.

I'm spooked by my naked brain bubbling pointless noise.

I lay lazily through my creepy trance as vines that held me tight debunk from my nerves. Painfully they un-tie my paralysis and I let my lungs pound the roof of my mouth with ghastly chokes of cursed air. Hours of mindless screeching.

I'm free!

My breath eases up
and my soul finally gets to explore
the deep universe I see
when closing my eyes.

I was open before you,
No passwords, no keys, no locks.
I was unvarnished and credulous -
My heart was out, my soul had no blocks.

I was stark naked before you,
Without shyness and ceremony,
Not covered by lie, off laws and rules,
Either in passion, or in agony.

I was before you all as I am,
Every bit of me, of my body and soul.
I awaited. And I'm really tired.
My body's petrified in whole.

What shadow am I,
Lurking on this page,
This blocked out feeling,
I need to go away.

I don't read,
I don't write,
Cut at my roots,
Neither ink or water comes through.

I never used to need to plan or plot before I wrote-

imagination shriv’ling on the vine around my throat.

The words come out more slowly now, viscous as with blood-

I have to **** and ***** and wait and pray for one more flood.

I opened that notebook again,
After ages I picked my pen.
Pressed strength on my wrist,
Gave my hand a gentle twist.

Scribbling through, I went on
In the world where ink lace spun.
But it was different from what I knew,
This ink was of a different hue.

And I flipped the pages back
A glimpse of me in the ink stained rack
The letters were bolder, deeper even
They held power higher than I now sustain.

And so I closed my notebook again,
It's ink wasn't in my own pen.
And I closed the lid once more
Let it sit where it was, before.

You made me feel
A world of hope
Life seemed brighter
When you gave me
Butterflies.

I gathered my courage
just to seem
like some "Sweet Girl"
To you
After all
Our conversations meant nothing
You blocked me. No Reason!
Just to avoid the awkwardness
Building up my hope
Just to disappear without a trace
Now all tears fall down the face
As I'm deeply confused of what I did
To make you block out my existence.

I understand rejection
It's so normal
yet so painful
I'm not mad you rejected me
But why did you blocked me?

I don't get it
I'm exactly your type too!
Abyssal black hair
A face as pale as paper
But I guess Something about me
Must've pushed you away
Weather it's because
I'm in Marching Band
Or that I religiously listen to Slipknot
Or both
I don't get what's wrong with me.
But why should I care
maybe because you left me confused
Yet I'm so sick that I refuse
To stop wondering
Why you blocked me out
When all I said was
"Sorry for making this awkward".

I've never got rejected
So this really
Hurts
But I will get over it
soon.