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Abi Carroll Mar 2021
Pigtails of plenty,
yellow scrunchies,
and purple plaid.

"You're only you,
I'm pleased as punch,
I'm only glad".

Peter Piper and Betty Botter
picked some peppers
and bought some butter,

Too many rhythms,
too many rhymes,
too much to say,
too little of time.

I hear not to run,
I'm asked what's the rush.
The more that I rush
and the faster I run,
the sooner I'll reach
my great big fun.

Shoe laces bug
big fun
they do.

"They do.

Your speech is peaches
your pace is pie
the space you use
is more than fine".

I try to explain
the colors I play;
going with guidelines
is only a game.
Skipping through gardens
of boxes that make
splendid presents
to open
and fun blocks
to break.

"They're only toys,
you're precisely right".

Meaning is found
in circles on paper,
when pencils make the path.
I see signs in the sky
and in my mind
that for others
seek to hide.
Sometimes it's first fantasy;
another time is reality

If you listen to me,
if you'll hear what I say,
you can learn to see colors,
and can stop seeing grey

"You're sight is unique,
you're special indeed,
but you aren't set apart,
left out,
or alone.

I believe".

The happiness I've found
I can't express.
Clapping
and stomping
and spinning around
aren't enough
to catch
the feelings I've felt.

"Your words aren't just sound,
they're a song to be sung;
felt by each
bringing glasses to sing
one by one,
to echo
to ring".

Every coin has two sides...

Aches that I feel
I can't explain.
Big tears have fallen
that haven't told you pain.
Sharper to chip,
heavier to break,
louder to shake
I wish they were.
They chip, break, and shake
but you can't feel my aches.
I can't explain what's real
when it's only felt inside.

"You don't have to stress about
why you feel what you feel.
There might not be a why
but it's fair and it's real.

I know how hard
it is to live here,
for you to allow,
but it's not forever,
it's only for now".

I promise to slow down
I'll be quieter I swear
I won't reach higher than my height
I won't choose left over right
Believing without sight
is for children not my height
I'll draw squares that are not round
and play games you'll understand
with children on the playground
not alone in this box of sand

"You promise every year to be shy,
to not run,
to not trip,
to not cry big cry's.

This year promise to be you,
to wear plenty of pigtails
with purple plaid
with yellow scrunchies

with some breaths unallowed.
Like the breath that lives
between a sentence
wasting time
if only for an instant.

Jimminy Crickets
and Holy Cow,
I know.

Even though it's hard,
although you're awfully sad,
try to love this special you;
it's the only you to have
and to hold
and to hug
right now.

I'll skip with you
and hold your hand.
I'll hear your words,
the one's unsaid.
I'll sit by you

and be your friend.
athena Mar 2021
The gleaming water of high
Profusely flowed through my tiny body
My tiny skull couldn’t muster
The planets, the stars and the sea
And everything inside me

It was beautiful, I thought
I was the queen
And I was the king
I was the sun
The moon
And the stars

Until I plummeted
From my own universe high
Heavy and deep down below
Barely looking up
From the fathoms below
Mikayla Ratliff Mar 2021
Up… Up… UP. Down… down… down…
My mind is a storm. Chaos. An ocean of thoughts.
Ideas. Aspirations.
Confusion. Despair. Isolation.
    How long must I suffer?


alone


   Surrounded yet alone.


But then I’m not. Up, up, up I float.
      I walk on clouds.
       Mountain tops.
I cling to this feeling.
  How long will it last?
   I, naively, hope forever.
I float in peaceful rivers.
I lift my eyes to the Heavens, and burst with thankfulness.
I’m okay
I’m not alone.
I am at peace and enveloped by everlasting love.
Though I crash, abruptly.
I fall and fall and fall. I crack.
But I heal.
    I endure, keep trudging.
The confusion and lies of Satan don’t pin me down.
                                Not anymore.
You are with me, forever.
You wait for me. Love me. Hold me. Walk beside me.
I am a warrior. Survivor. Stronger than ever.
I can’t do it alone. This life, this rollercoaster of a mind.
I can’t trust myself, I put myself in Your Hands.
I trust You.
I cling to you, with all that I am.
For You are good, and You provide. 
 I repent.
I am renewed.
Peace ever flowing, Love everlasting.
My Love. My Father. My Savior.
Thank You.
I am not a disappointment, or crazy, or demon possessed.
                       Your Holy Spirit remains.
You love through me. You were intentional in my creation.
  I am Yours.
                         Forever and always.
                                    Amen.
Mikayla Ratliff Mar 2021
I spend.
I drink.
I rationalize.
I think.
No filter.
I speak.
Hypocrite.
I leak.
Overdrive.
Can’t stop.
Socialize.
I shop.
   Mentality.
No breaks.
Try to heal.
I ache.
Pray.
For sanity.
Vanish.
Vanity.
Love.
Conditions.
        Strive.
Submission.
All is fine.
Squander.
Why?
I wonder.
Stand up.
I pledge.
        Not worth the fight.
Allege.
        Drained.
Mentally.
Stained.
Fundamentally.
Saved.
Eternal.
Grateful.
External.
Unchanging.
All praise.
Loved.
Unfazed.
Valarola Nikola Feb 2021
Maybe I'm just a wandering soul,
Looking for its home,
Only to find it never belonged in this world at all,
That I was truly a demon who got lost in the fall,
From hell, because that's how I get looked at,
Like a pretty lost devil woman who would steal your cat,
But I won't,
And I'm not,
I'm just a lone wolf who wouldn't hurt a fly,
And if they did, they'd wish to lay down and die,
Because hurting myself is one thing,
Hurting others is not okay to me,
But I still get looked at like I'm an alien,
Lost from a world of sadism,
And I don't wanna be a loner anymore,
I don't want to be a lonely *****,
Pick me up next time I'm drunk and laying by myself on the floor,
Trying to cope with this feeling of not belonging behind even my own door,
Nightmares of carpeted basements dancing in my head,
That's why I fear to sleep, for sleeping makes me feel like death,
And why has no one asked me today,
If I am okay? Am I okay?
Yes, but no I'm also not,
Because moving on is hard,
And I still don't belong anywhere,
The worst part is that no one cares.
No one cares...
No one cares...
During the day I'm great, at night...the demons start to scream at me again.
My jaw has welded itself shut in an iron grip,
Teeth straining under the load as they are compressed
And ground together,
Aching joint failing to remind me to unclench.
What little sleep I have gotten has also sought to seal my mouth,
Until morning brings with it the sharp pain and popping I am now accustomed to.
Sores line my inner lip,
Pale, stinging pits reminding me how close I am teetering on the edge,
Body clinging to its composure amidst sleepless nights
And adrenaline baths.
A feeling like fire alternately surges up my sternum and over my shoulder,
The taste of stomach acid hot on my burning tongue.
I wonder how long I can keep this up
Until the shoulders , taut with paranoia and effort to keep me safe
Pull my very bones apart with aching muscles.
Perhaps I will be consumed from the inside,
Cracking open the same way my chest already feels.
What am I doing here,
Amongst the memories, the mournings, borrowed time?
I am trying desperately to save her from her certain fate
With love and worry and prayers to her God, the one I don't believe in.
I am also trying to save me, the little girl I used to be,
From the torment I know she will experience anyway,
Wishing fervently I could pull her through time and space
Into a world that isn't trying so hard to **** her for who she is,
The space she occupies unknowingly.
I'm haunted by the mouths of children, the words and hands of grown adults
Who did a thorough job of reducing her to mere mud and human filth.
That girl, young, wide-eyed, desperately lonely and confused,
Burning with self-loathing and pain no one will admit to causing,
Haunts me, climbs into bed and warms her frigid form with my body heat.
I can't save her,
The same way I can't save dying grandmothers or dead friends,
Yet my body is tormented because my mind is tormented.
I am cracking, slowly,
Pieces at a time.
But I'm not so easily bested now.
That little girl built armor and walls and weapons to guard herself,
So I down another cup of coffee,
Pour salt into the sores,
Crack my jaw,
And get back to work.
I have to save myself, too.
Empire Feb 2021
It's a fascinating experience indeed
To know you're unbalanced
To know there's something wrong
To be really very confident
and to have red flags waving
But people are easily fooled
So you enjoy your high
Knowing you should listen to your therapist
Knowing she's absolutely right to worry
Knowing you'll disregard every one of her warnings
Knowing you'll lie over and over again
Because you want to be free
From the ******* of the pills
You just have to know
If they're what's ****** you up
Have you ever watched bipolar disorder set into someone? It's frightening and thrilling.
Laura Feb 2021
Have you ever held a razorblade,
and caressed it's sharpened edge?
Have you ever climbed a cliff,
only to dance along its ledge?
Have you ever played in traffic,
running in between the cars?
Have you ever tried to fight,
just to take it way too far?
Have you ever swallowed pills,
only to watch the bottle empty?
Have you ever had a drink,
and watched one turn into twenty?
Have you ever played with fire,
just to see if you'd get burned?
Have you ever begged for help,
to find out who's concerned?
Have you ever bought a gun,
to put a bullet in your head?
Have you ever cried at night,
truly wishing you were dead?
Have you ever wrote a note,
saying all of your goodbyes?
Have you ever tied a noose,
and hung your body from up high?
Charlotte Ivy Feb 2021
I cut my roots I don’t know where I began
Suffering for you again and again
Compromising with my captor
When will I end this chapter
How do you escape a fate that you create
One day I’ll leave this place
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