What happened?
When did I become my enemy?
When did I plan this betrayal?
That's aching inside me.

I didn't know it was this easy
to destroy yourself
I didn't think it was possible
I could turn the love to hate
within yourself

I never thought
I would betray myself one day
I would look down on myself one day
And I specifically didn't know
I would not be able to carry the weight of this hurt one day

Now?? What now?
Am I supposed to hate myself
The way I hate
The others who betrayed me?

Am I supposed to forgive??
But then, wouldn't it be unfair??
to those who were never
Forgiven by me
When their betrayals were
not even close to what I did to myself??

Of all the games
we learned to play
with jokes, with rules,
with risk and trust
we never chose
to lie.

But then you did.
And nothing
held.

No knot was tight,
no safe word sure,
no breath between us
true.

A whispered “yes”
became a guess,
and touch
a kind of theft.

Now every scene
rewinds itself,
the lines we drew
blurred…

For once a lie
slips past the lips,
nothing
truly grips.

You weren't supposed to do that
There were rules, guidelines
You can't just waltz in here
And break every word
No
You were given instructions
How to handle with care
There were expectations
You agreed before entering
Yet
You didn't just trash the place
You left devastation, a mess
Breaking every piece, every rule
You weren't supposed to break me

My heart was dance joyfully,
Without fear of breaking.
Like a little boy jumping
On a soft tender mattress
In grandma's room.

But you deceived me.
Turning out to be a ruthless killer.
The body screams in agony,
Calling for help from the Heavens.

I will die for you, with a smile on my face
To protect you with all of my life and soul
To bleed and bruise, unyielding and stubborn
A fantasy every man yearned to do for his lover

But the murderer stabbed my heart, my love
Twisted it with the dagger I happily gave them
My most beautiful killer with the pained face
A nightmare every man feared about their lover

Broken crayons still color,
She'd say, "I'd be ****** if I forget,
And let the water wash my spark away."

Jumped where the tides barely speak,
She'd say, "I'd be ****** if I left,
And deaf to the calling waves I keep."

Heavier heartbeats marked the tide,
She'd say, "I'd be ****** if it didn't,
And erase the memories I couldn't hide."

Stones in her thoughts sank the soul,
She'd say, "I'd be ****** if that's true,
And sinking in the shallow end? That ain't what I do."

Dragged into the darker tide,
She'd say, "I'd be ******, but this hurts,
And I'll drown happily with my heart, embracing the burn."

Broken crayons still color,
She'd say, "I'd be ****** but it's true,
I ain't wax, mama!
I'm shattered glass, betrayed, in my break."

Oh, how much easier it is to drown,
To be scattered between winds and storms,
To be mere fragments in a raging ocean,
Than to have my path rewritten in the moment of a lover’s betrayal,
My loyalty slaughtered by disappointment.
Is this my true love?
My heart still recites poems in your shadow,
Still finds solace in your kindness—
Which of your pulses flows in my veins?
Your pain festers like a bitter betrayal,
Leaving its scars deep within me.
Have you forgotten you were once the glowing light of my heart?
Or did you simply ignore the flame of my love,
A fire that words fail to describe?
A love that, when it meets the salty sea,
Turns its ripples sweet.
O ungrateful one, I thought you were my healer,
My full moon in the darkness, my shield in war—
Yet you betrayed me with the malice of passion,
And carried the remnants of my loyalty in your hollow heart.
Go—
For you have shattered my heart.
Go—
And let my sorrow be your only memory of me.
I retreat into silence,
Writing my own elegy, my own epic.
Oh night, come to me,
For I have nothing but your solace.
If the moon shone for me,
I would not need its light.
Oh night, tell me, was he faithful to you?
The answer came: No—he betrayed you too.
You, my heart—do not tremble.
Tell me truly, did you ever love him?
Do you still beat with the warmth of his love?
If so, then you are not my heart—
You belong to him!
How can you, my heart,
Accept the wound of betrayal without protest?
He veils his ingratitude behind a shield of tears.
He plunged a dagger between my ribs
And then the wound deepened—
Blood flowed.
He pulled me from the heights
And cast me to the ground.
He stole my wakefulness
Yet gave me no peace in return.
A foolish fate trampled me under its weight.
My tears softened his eyelids,
Yet his lips never lost their smile.
Do I see the awakening of death,
Or merely the slumber of life?
Where is my despair?
It has passed—
As has my desire.
My existence is neither darkness nor light.
Everything that once was, is no longer—
And I am no longer me.
In the shade, I burn with the fire of the sun,
And my conscience pulls me toward a passion devoid of conscience.
And to where?
Do not ask, for I do not know my fate.
He destroyed me because I once loved him.
And even now, his love pulses within you.
You are not my heart—
You are his!