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ThemadHatter Sep 2024
Pages
Upon pages.
I write,
I scream.
I bleed.
Upon pages.
Where I drown out my cries.
In various fonts.
Setting the world I so desperately despise
Ablaze.
In the places that killed me to breathe.
You lived.
You found comfort.
Solace.
You found peace
Where I found pain.
I do not hate you for the love you lack.
But you do not know what it is like.
To watch you be without it.
It is the emptiness that speaks volumes.
It is the “something”.
That I long for.
Amidst the nothingness you provide.
Among the sea of chaos.
I wish to see you drown.
Maybe then.
You would have a drink to offer.
On your diet
I have starved
You have forbidden all things essential.
Where
Hope
Used to take the edge off of the pain.
The tears I rationed.
all have dried up like the well that held your capacity to care.
Simply put ,
I have lost all of the weight you placed upon my shoulders.


Because I finally took a bite of something sweet.
Emery Feine Sep 2024
When you decided to leave
We shut each other out of our lives completely
You changed your "About Me" to quotes to help you grieve
And when I finally thought we were through
You changed your quote to "I loved you too"
Which messed up my mind completely
Then you changed them to song quotes
And you put little hearts around it
I thought you moved on, so I ignored it
I thought you fell in love with someone else, letting me be
When I looked up the lyrics, knowing they had to be about me
And I thought you were silently asking if we could be friends
So I decided to talk to you again
And you spoke dryly and ignored me again
And that was my last attempt, so I decided to move on
And now you decided that I'm the one that's gone
So what now are you trying to achieve?
You lost the one that stayed when you decided to leave
this is my 67th poem, written on 12/10/23.
Jeremy Betts Sep 2024
I stay silent
Too often my own words betray me entirely
I keep quiet
To eliminate any possibly of my past tracking me
Must calm the riot
Internal conflict in turn turns reality iffy
Must stay strategic
My mind gets creative trying to beat me down completely
Can't be complacent
Not while losing my footing on this plain of reality
There's no enjoyment
Living with a cranium teetering on the brink of insanity
Fear becomes a constant
So it never occurred to me these walls shouldn't be up permanently
I remain hesitant
When there's no certainty I can take down these walls safely

©2024
Emery Feine Sep 2024
Where would I be without that smile of yours?
Where would I be without your guiding words?
  Where would I be without your stabbing swords?
   Where would I be?

    So maybe in some other universe, everything would be right
     And I'm holding on to something, but it's one thing
     And I'm holding on with all my might
    So maybe in some other universe, things would be alright

   And I know I'll never forget you
  And in my stomach it'll never sit right
And God, I hope you know
How much I loved you so
this is my 48th poem, written on 11/18/23
Emery Feine Sep 2024
I thought that we could always fall together
But you told me you wanted to fly
So I watched you realize my hand, float up to the clouds
While I was still falling in the sky
this was my 40th poem, written on 11/3/23.
Emery Feine Sep 2024
She wrote their stories, with every detail
And took all their control away
And she knew what this could never entail
A puppeteer dancing with her puppet's sway

But don't see her as badly
This is just her mind of fiction
And the feeling that nobody could riot against her turned her madly
Which then led to the graves of inscription

And one day she met a boy
And loved him so much, she didn't control him
Until one day he rioted against her, like she was a toy
When she thought she could finally win

And she didn't know what to do, so she just wrote
And added random things for dramatic effect
And it wasn't her trying to gloat
But you can't think after you've wept

And just like all her other characters
She erased him from her mind
She couldn't handle any more pain
Even after she had been so kind
And she thought she knew him so clearly
But turns out, she was blind.
this was my 39th poem, written on 11/2/23.
H AE MZ Sep 2024
When I look at you, I see your beauty.
And when I look deeper, I feel your pain.
Will the world, for once, truly see me?
Or will they only glance at me?
Reflection, how do you perceive me?
So Wrongly.
Self, how dishonestly you portray yourself.

You see me smiling-
But do you see the weight beneath my grin?
You see me standing tall-
But can you feel the cracks I've hidden in my skin?
Reflection, you're too kind, too naive,
Believing the face I show the world.

They've taken my words, my truths,
And turned them into weapons sharp as glass.
What I gave in trust, they twisted,
Used it to cut me where I'm most fragile.

So now I hide. I build these walls so high,
Even you, my reflection, can't climb inside.
I keep my pain locked tight behind my smile,
For fear of giving them the keys to destroy me again.

I wonder, reflection-
Are you a facade too?
Do I hide from you as much as the world,
Turning away from what's true?

Can I trust you?
Can you see past the armor I've forged,
Or are you just another wall I've built,
Keeping me from myself?

I'm afraid to look too closely-
What if you're just another lie?
What if I've buried the real me so deep,
That even my own eyes can't find me?

Until next time, reflection...
If I'm ever ready to face you again.
This poem portrays the most fearful conversation I have had, with my own reflection. It explores the tension between the version of me that the world sees and the vulnerable self I keep hidden. Fear of confronting my own buried truths, shaped by betrayal and the way trust has been used against me, has forced me to build emotional armor. As I look at my reflection, I wonder if I can even trust what I see. The conversation remains unfinished, as I'm not yet ready to fully face this scariest reflection of who I really am.
lexis Sep 2024
Dostoyevsky said, “your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.”

I've felt rage seething in my chest for as long as I can remember. I've felt as his talons ripped open my sternum, digging for a place to call home. this rage has nestled deep into my ribcage, devouring my will to survive while carelessly residing within my nightmares.

I've surrendered to this forsaken depression fury has vacated deep in the confines of my irises - despite witnessing myself across grey-tinted glasses; a smoldering storm rippling miasma throughout my body, manipulating my hands into a devout pyromaniac; suffocating every chance to heal.
I've known nothing but bitterness congesting my heart. My dreams were burdened dreadfully with the stench of wrath. it mutilated my arms; burrowing into capillaries, and asphyxiating my habit to vanish.

This incessant sin I've endured has brought me to my knees, existing only to ***** out my ability to be a mortal in an unforgiving universe. I am not a cosmic metaphor, the iron residing underneath my skin has become impenetrable.

I am adorned with stillness while this betrayal has bloomed into a supernova. the things in which I lack have ignited into an endlessly violent explosion -

Atomizing my bones, swirling stardust into a forlorn emptiness.
A world that was held by the unfaltering resistance I persevered against, it has ravaged my memories, my moribund existence trembled; shivering from the growl of the recoil - the remnants of creation kissed abysmal lips within the faraway distance of a boundless abyss, raining tears for the last time as the destruction leaves a life void of meaning.

The last words ever heard in this universe spoke softly as if to lull the existential bereft into a long hiatus -

"This was all for nothing, just as destitute as this vacant nothingness, human life is ill-fated to be star-crossed and powerless."
I hold so much bitterness in this small body, and for so so long. I question why I've allowed this bitterness to control certain aspects of my life. Why do I let it consume me until I feel devoid of emotion? I feel powerless. I cannot escape. I feel like I'm patiently waiting for my existence to explode, like a dying star, what will all of this wasted time mean in the end?
QueenOfTheAshes Sep 2024
I wanted to write
As if I would never be judged
But then I would never do it
My feelings never making it through it.

You left me numb
Deathless pain is all I've got
And it doesn't speak
It just feels like a cheap trick.

I thought I had you forever
But when I saw that you could never
Be that person, it lit in me an arson
What a betrayal
He expects me to be loyal.

And even then,
So I was
But he left me no chance
Not a breather
Now I'm a hardly
A believer.
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