"very good" they wrote
i nearly ripped the paper to bits and
threw it in their god-forsaken faces
"very good" makes my blood turn, slice, and seep from my wrists
i'd rather die than see those words again--or lack of words
even "excellent" is not enough anymore
(enough, like anything has ever been enough)
i crave Perfection,
i sink down to my grimy knees and crawl agonizingly
towards Perfection
forever destined to fall into its pits and
extinguish in the blink
of
an
eyelash
greatness.
i want--
greatness or nothing.
i want my name to be known for millennials to come
my footsteps to be recognized by the youngest fawn
the crowds to step aside and bask in my flawlessness
the shape of my lips, hips, fingertips memorized to the very vein
poets to sing verse after verse until blood comes up instead of music
soldiers to **** and torture for the simple hope of meeting my eyes
kings to deem me the Ideal, the Best in front of all pitiful peasants
lovers to cut into their own chests to confide me their hearts
for,
if my light were to be a dying ember left on the side of the road,
and a child picked me up to smooth their fingers on my sharp edges
giggles and smiles at the flickers of sparks lighting inside me
tuck it in their pockets, and be loved every day for as long as i live
no--
that would not be nearly quite enough.
always graphite, never diamond.
always the giver, never the taker.
always the silent, never the heard.
always the heart, never the brain.
