the moon was full and bright
the clouds hung low and close to each other
akin to marble, rippling,
filtering the luminous glow from the night

a slight chill in the air
the noises of society, here and there, now and then
piercing the raw, beautiful silence
and the serene, presence of being

a reminder that life is moving all around us
even in those moments most quiet
even if we are not ready or capable
even if we feel lost and empty and alone.

it still flows and goes its own way at its own pace
we must listen and feel every bit of it
we must flow and ride the waves
even when they are crashing and we go under.

Something said is not always something felt.
You learn that the hard way.
Time does not always heal old wounds,
it opens them so they are gaping
and it swallows everything.
Processing is still ongoing, in the middle
or maybe closer to the beginning.
New dissonance arrives and clogs up the line.
There is too much in your head at this time.
Incapable and unable to properly deal,
you are emotionally unavailable and unwilling.
You would rather be alone than be here.
You don't feel what you should feel.
You don't act in the way you feel you should and you have in the past.
You feel uncomfortable.  
So you let me go because you have work to do.
And I cannot wait for you to love me in the way I should be.

Always wait 'till it's gone
Always blind even when taught
Always deaf even when sought

Only looking back at what was
Only pilling bricks on my walls
Only gulping bile in my rue

Coulda had, coulda got
Coulda grabbed, coulda talked
Coulda laughed, coulda loved

Emptied comforts, emptied joys
Emptied rooms, emptied possibilities
Emptied mind, numb false serenity

Only broke up by
Intense flashes of
Sanity.
Disgust.

I walk alone down the empty street,
I look at the cars all parked closely to the curb.
Then I see you - a ray of hope in a world of darkness.
Unknowing to all the horrible atrocities that surround you.
You are perfect, not yet broken, not yet flawed.
You are a new beginning; you prove that second chances can exist.
So, as I see you, the little bud coming to life as I speak; I remember this.
Life may not be kind to you.
Life may hurt you.
Life may break you.
But you must not let it change you.
Life is full of unpredictability and surprises, some good and some bad.
But one thing is for sure, second chances exist.
You are proof of this; proof that we can change in time.
Proof that we can have a new beginning.

I picked up a rock 
from the bed 
of a rivulet
slowly trickling, yet vibrant

It wiggled
It squirmed
in transparent
vulnerability

A larval miracle
clinging to life
pulled from the mother river
exposed to the cold air

This tiny force
is just as alive
as me
and perhaps more so

I placed the stone 
back into the trickle
of the river
hoping it lives

How much compassion 
do we have for the smallest
of the small
the beginnings

How much compassion 
do we have for the vulnerable
for what's just beginning to grow
ideas, people

How much compassion 
do we have
to put the stone back
rather than take it for ourselves

I turn the last page,
The next is blank.

Blank blank blank blank blank
Blank blank blank blank blank
Blank blank blank blank blank
Blank blank blank blank blank

B L A N K

                                   Blank

So white it's screaming
So empty I’m left reeling

The lack of words
A void so loud
I squint my eyes unseeing.

I don’t think I’m ready yet
I dont think I'll ever be,
It hurts too much to be alone
Is this the price of being free?