Thinking about the future
makes me want to stay
in bed all day,
pretend that I don’t have to
get up and face the world,
yet the facts are drawn on
the ceiling of my bedroom.

i locked myself inside
so i can feel a sense of freedom

ironic isn’t it?

my room,
my space,
my thoughts,
my own little world

just a small room away from the stigma of this household that lies beyond that bedroom door

just a little something that isn’t yours to take along with the others you’ve already taken away

As we laid in bed
I pulled you closer and guided your arms around my body
for you to hold me like you once did before.
You didn’t resist but I could feel that the warmth between us,
that deep connection where our hearts beat together
had long since left.
In that moment I became desperate for you again.
I went to the bathroom and peed,
there were clothes all over the floor
and a spider tried to spindle its web in my hair
to which I had a fierce panic attack
especially when I saw the spider after frantically trying to dust it out of my hair
and off of me.
I returned to the bed and the other guy had left
so it was just me and you
and I took my shirt off and you laughed at how hard my ******* were and tweaked one of them.
I asked if you had plans for the day and you said no
and I said I wanted to spend time with you
because it was a nice day out
and you agreed
and I said that I wanted to talk
to which once again you seemed open to but less than interested in and I found myself back-peddling as to not frighten you away
but I knew that it was too late
and i could feel you realize that whatever hopes that you had of us being just friends
had turned into something you had to protect yourself from.
I slid over on top of you to get close and to smell you again
and you pushed me off
and I rolled off the side of the bed
onto the floor and laid there, cartoonishly, unable to move,
paralyzed in knowing that I would never be able to get close to you again
and I woke up thinking about how much
I love you.

This bedroom got boring
I hold in my breath til I’m pressured
just short of pain
and result :
The wall at the far end pushes back into the darkness
the bed raises on longer limbs
Now there is more territory
Inviting in a new metabolism
some organic animation

Stuck
Swirled
Stamped
Ceiling of stars
Saturated dreams, not yet
Seizing the future, her, harbored in pink princess prints
Scribbled walls of verses, covered child yet without vain
Cemented in my mind, childhood bedroom I haven’t forgotten at all
Ceiling of stars, from above, I hope you don’t witness my fall.

We met in moonlight of July
Howling wolves dancing on grave yard stones
Twigs and broken spades
lay frozen in forgotten hollows.
The night shivered cold with the winter breeze
In the shadow of the night
The moonlight found its way through
My bedroom window.

She was dressed in sin and I in lust
Time knew that heaven and hell
Were on a the verg of collision
Her spoken words found the warm
Flesh on my skin
Paralyzed by the sound of her whispers
my breathing intensified.

She left as quick as she came
I laid cold and alone
Curled into myself like fetus in the womb
I was robbed of innocence
My deed an unforgivable sin.

The room we shared our
first laughs in, our first hugs,
our first touches, our first kisses.

   Wasn't it precious?
grounded in reality but
fulfilled through fantasy.

   the shallow breaths we both shared,
the way our bodies pressed together,
discovering one another
and learning the bounds of
our movements,
the curves of our hips and
tides of our love,
the way our bodies responded
to our words, our lips, our tongues.

  the bedroom is where we gave
ourselves to one another, the
place where we could share
that of our deepest secrets and desires,
the place where I felt safe with you.

don't you remember that?
you must, if not, maybe it
was im fact memories grounded
in fantasy instead of
memories grounded in reality.