It's like every time I manage to say something right, you make me feel I'm wrong
I start to feel like this was my fault all along
That plus the million things I never seemed to do right
Kept my days looking like a never ending night
I could have easily given up; could have said I'm through
But somehow my road still led back to you
I know it isn't destiny; so sure it's not fate
It's just that feeling I always seem to anticipate
When you would come home and make me lay your bed
So every night you'd have a place to lay your f*cking head
It was my love for your routine that made me want to stay
And that's a decision I regret each passing day
Each time I did something right I was wrong
To you I was just a bitter taste lingering on your tongue

The shutters
                      let
                       in
                        l
                       i
                      n
                     e
                    s
                    o
                      f
                        l
                         i
                          g
                           h
                            t
                            t
                             o
                              t
                              r
                              a
                              c
                             e
                            y
                           o
                          u
                           r
                           o
                            w
                              n
                               p
                                o
                                 e
                                  m

Resting my brain
Despite restless strain
Hard to refrain
Even harder to change
Easy to be swayed
By constant delays
Saying this way
Will work today
Of course didn’t
So you make  
Another promise
Broken again

Everywhere I could be
your scent persists.
Vibrant.
Brissiling.
Blooming        out
to the edge of sight.
This bed of flowers that follows.
What fragrant colors
fill my day: Platinum, pale gold, indigo
as you linger on me,
rested in rich black
soil. So familiar
it seems a mirage.

empty wrinkles in the sheets – secrets spilling from your lips;
speak of me in high regards, while digging for those words
“I love you,” that are so deep in my guts

but it takes guts to tell someone you love them, just as soon
as we’ve met – that reason that met my eyes, but is it really
meant for me – to see your real smile behind your mouth’s
many lies? we both desperately try to cut away our past,
though it's so hard, like fading your own hair the first time,
missing a few parts at the back

yet I could stare endless hours at your back – the depth of
your spine, in this empty place where you lie; in all awe of
you, I enjoyed my awe for the time. though time blushed
with me; each morning that I’m forced to leave your side,
we seem to grow even further apart

in place of our memories of last night, these empty sheets
have trapped a piece of both our hearts – but even in these
trap sheets, I still find it so hard to say, "I lov...

i can't
do
the things that i want

this phone
it pulls
me in
and doesn't let go

so
i write
these poems instead

one day
ill find
the courage
to get out of my bed

Here i am in bed again
10 feet in too deep again
tiny scars and fixed up cuts again
Paper opends it back up again
It Paints my nails way too red again
Bandages from friends again
I tear them off because they burn again
The scent of stress hangs in the air again
I close my eyes because it blinds again
Here i am im home again

think im going back to bed again