i hate myself/
and thats why/
im not living inside of my body/
im living inside my brain/
my heart is cold and hard because/
you never touch me with kindness/
you always hold my fragile body with hostility/
my weak body drapes pathetically over your arm/
i melt/
you always charm me and thats why/
i’m crying/
you lied to me/
im stuck wondering who killed me only to find that/
im looking in a mirror/
covered in blood/

I took a step back
a kiss back
a stare back
a laugh
back
dna
I
dnuof
flesym
a gniod
etelpmoc
elcric

I wish I could freeze moments shared in the past
The courageous minute time sealed certain fate
The little girl I was, stubborn, stupid, and immature
Wanted too badly to be your forever mate.

My young heart; pure and poetic
Easily misled by alcoholic lips
Remember our first real conversation? I melted
I long to have those same sweet stomach flips.

I watch you now, older body and face
Laugh at how blind I was to your flaws
While clouds darken the past even more
You breathe in the same hurt you cause.

Cannot see beyond the suffering
I watch you try to rekindle the fire
You dance among burning embers
Absence dismissed, I begin to tire.

A soundtrack to our summers
Birdsong always seemed to fill loyal air
Now cheerful melody seems mocking
Inhaling their tunes with barely a care.

Out the window, I recognize clear roads
Recollect ancient paths, sigh and reflect
The breeze is the temperature it was then
Can't withstand the ice memories collect.

Heart trips over unclaimed baggage
I cannot see how big yoursuitcase really seems
You're dying, at least part of your life is
You are fine with losing all our dreams.

In your gaze rest a few hints of regret
Out of time, still let it finally show
Bedroom reminds me of the worst pieces of us
Feel like the walls contain secrets only we know.

Sitting on my floor, staring at a small mirror
An assaulting intruder is what I see looking back
An unwelcome guest forced her way in
My view alights an invisible attack.

The fangs you sunk beneath my skin
Always had me ensnared
You were worse than a drug, loved your high
No matter what family said I never cared.

Sight muddy from substances, I was stumbling
Didn't think I could be ready to say goodbye
Back in those days I owned no worry or concerns
Now I am chased by echoes of a beautiful lie.

Did I fall for you, or your friendly illusions?
Looking backwards, its hard to seperate
Which chapters were real and which were fake
Regardless, they will not cease to resonate.

These days are always chilly,
My temple is shivering frivolously,
These days are going so fast,
But maybe it’s because I’m stuck in the past.
Those days were filled with a smile,
But my brain puts those memories in a file,
Because nowadays,
I’m stuck in denial.

Upside Down …by Jessie 6/05

Birds flying backwards, Lions sleep with lambs

Peace invading every home, all across the land

Summer time is very cold, up is always down

Take a trip to nowhere, King’s without a crown

Comics, never funny, all the news is good

Always do the things you’re told, like you know you should

Sleep awake and never dream, breakfast late at night

Third world countries in control, landfills now in sight

Walk in circles, back and forth, farm animals in the house

Cat’s chase dogs and elephants, aren’t frightened by a mouse

**** a man, he never dies, forget the ones you love

Throw a star up to the sky, which fell from high above

It’s a crazy world we live in, rules finely cast

Believe in anything you want, nothing ever lasts