everything’s been a little cut-deep lately,
heart-pound lately,
teach me
how not to feel
for once.
this isn’t the first time, y'see,
that my heart wears me down,
lungs a little too full.
d'you know the feeling?
but—teach me how not to.
how not to feel every quake of every bone,
every pulse of every vein,
let it fade into background noise because god,
only thing louder than the entire world is my own **** self.
exhausting.
either teach me how to make it hush
or lay me down
to sleep.

Got my background *****
Never my fault, I've tried
Don't even blame my fate
Everyone littered constantly
Put my life under many sweats

Had to wake up and run
Never turning back, just trying
When hardwork pays off
To get that taste in every level
Cramps transformed to rewards

It's a risk to root down deep
Staying in that mode unshakeable
That's how I'm growing through
With all these dirts beneath me
Strengthen my stem and blossom
On the surface like a lotus

There is nothing I can do
Because I’m not the star of my own story
I’m not exactly furniture either
I’m more the person they send to walk in the background of movie scenes
So it isn’t painfully clear they’ve blocked off the street
But all I do is walk
I’m not important
And there is nothing I can do

**** happens.

I admit it.

There’s no need to spit it.

I can erase the pain on my face.

Though my heart is of another space.

I want to be around someone who is warm.

Not having to tolerate or conform.

It’s a standard that I’ve created.

And I hate when someone tries to feed it to me.

Let’s agree, life plays a part.

Making our faults the start to depart.

I work mercilessly with the time that I have.

Priorities constantly shift and are really a drab.

I’ve canceled a quest, for several a clue.

I know I have been paying dues.

Where I fail at visitation, I attempt communication.

Most times I reflect and am thankful of the memory that is stored.

Even for those who obsessively record.

It’s comforting to be with another similar creature.

Allow my spirit to be free and fine tune the frequency.

Be merrily along the way.

Instead you blew it away because you weren’t “feeling okay”.

I won’t show alarm, don’t want to harm, nor look like a clown either.

So I’ll do what neither of us really want to do.

I’ll cease and desist.

Reminisce later.

As of now I’ll fade into the background.

along with my useful lively self
i stroll the path of faceless crowds
they might not know me
I might not know them
but I'm glad as I watch
them do their story
and I on a steady phase
create the background
of my life,
the passerby...

Her color diminished second by second until all that was left was but an empty abyss.
A sense of such enormity that caused everyone around her to wonder what exactly was she made up of.
Was it secrets or portions of herself that she lay out on a table for everyone to read?
Had we been witnessing her story this entire time or was there more behind the surface that she intended us to decipher for our own well being?
Is she our dictator of soul or have we constructed her into the answers in which we as humans are constantly searching and never receiving.
For what are our determinants but our own minds in a world ravaged by constant input?

The first time you sent me a text saying,
"I love you"
I set it as my background.
But it's funny how our 'love',
Is now in the background.

I can't hide this drive
I just want to feel alive
Don't mean to hurt no one
But now that i have gone
You are in tears
Trust destroyed for years
Try to suppress this urge
My soul i try to purge
Failing every time
Here i sit and rhyme
Was raised this way
Unable of letting love stay
Moving from one to another
Any feeling of guilt i smother
Will i ever change?

Are they paying attention?
Do they notice how I
Avoid them?
Do they catch me staring?
Do they spy the way I walk?
Do they hear the way I talk?
Did they see my little freak outs?
Did they watch the way I waved?
Are they paying attention?
Do they stare without shame?
I want them to notice.
I want them to see.
I want them care enough
To catalog it in their brains.
I want them to comment.
I want them to speak.
I want them to like me enough
To say what's on their minds.

Are you paying attention?
Do you notice how I
Avoid you?
Do you catch me staring?
Do you spy the way I walk?
Do you hear the way I talk?
Did you see my little freak outs?
Did you watch the way I waved?
Are you paying attention?
Do you stare without shame?
Could you?