To all the boys who have ruthlessly clinged themselves upon me, forcing me to make room for them, demanding me to fit into their dreams of me, expecting me to perform, wanting me to take them in.

To all the boys who have made me change for them, rushed my development, taking me out into the wilderness, so far away that I no longer could find my way back home.

To all of you who have shaped me into who I am today, leaving me less naive, so careful of others' feelings after learning to put theirs ahead of my own.

To all of you who have left me shining from all the love, more in touch with my feelings and my gut, a bit harder but beautiful in the adore from your eyes.

To all of you - I am done. I have nothing left to say to you, I've already thought it all. But to myself - I made it home. Bruised, scared and scarred but I made it. And even though it isn't what it used to be, I'm still back and the next time I go, it will be when I want to go and not because of a stupid boy.

I pick up a pen-
And set it down again.
This calling of writing has
Its own friction,
Pulling me back-

Into my own retreat.

The idea of people is an insult on human condition.
There's nothing left in my heart than shear disillusion for those who say I'm your friend.
What does a friend means anyway?
Just an equally dissatisfied consumer of society?
I don't know sometimes.
I just wish we could erase memories like we erase our names from chalkboards.
Easy, Swift and effective.
.
Then again what to do with this beautiful life that is nothing but a bad waste of time.
I wish we could commit suicides while existing, because it's too much for us to take pity of others and their sympathy.
Opinions and questions which are as useless as sweaters in Summers.
.
It never goes away, it always haunts behind the curtains. Always ready to embrace me when I'm even a bit satisfied with myself.
What is this?
Who is it?
I don't know, and I don't even wish to know.
I'm better at being worse, there's this strange comfort in knowing that you can't be anymore disappointed and dissatisfied than you already are.
Existence is for sissies who sleep in their bedrooms till they're 80.
I'd rather just disappear and refuse to be anything else than what I already am.

Sparking fires of others' interests
Doing a puzzle with changing artists
Finding personalities of a falling forest
Knowing what stands above and before us
We don't know
We can only assume
A stigma surrounding
My heart is pounding
In fear of being judged for sounding
Crazy or irrational
I'm going to tell you all
No matter where or why you fall
I'll wait and help you crawl
Back to your success

All on your back in life and death
Weight of the world on your bare back
Carrying a nuclear backpack for Cuban Soviet missiles
Darling lady riding your back in the dawn surf
Tiger clawing your back as you flee the jungle
Car engine weighing you down back style new parts
Bust your back bend your knees picking up your cat
Bergen on your back as you hike the Eigar North face
Weight of dead souls pushing you back down
Rugby playing popped your spine like piano keys
Take care of your back or its chair time

Could It

it could happen
intense, strong, emotions with exciting speeches

are you kidding me
have you seen it
do you even realize what's going on
back door thinking with front door faces
could it
****......

Brian Hill - 2020 # 44

The Accuser Of Mankind wants to obliterate God's Word and Celestial Concepts of a Higher Order. Blasphemous Spirits are at work in High Places the World becoming more Animalistic more Demonic and Chaos Despair Peril and Destruction reign tall and mighty the current Earthly systems are turning Governments against each other violence, pestilence and wars are inevitable at this point...Nevertheless, the Righteous shall see the Lord Of Hosts descend from the Heavens to wage a Final Assault on the Tyrant Evil Dominions of the Earthly planes. Celestial Armadas Of Angelic beings will slay every single wicked soul who didn't turn to Christ nor believed in him. Then the AntiChrist The Devil and the False Prophet will be thrown to the pits of the Lake Of Fire and Sulfur. After a long exhausting battle there will be a Great White Judgement where the wicked and the righteous shall be judged. Then God's reign shall begin and be established for a Millennium. Beware of the ones who have come to say the Dark is Light and the Light is Dark...Woe to those in the last days who have chosen to pleasure their carnal bodies instead of serving God...dark days will come to Earth but don't lose faith brethren God is in control.

At the shore
Life casts
Your boat away

Further you go
Wondering if
Life carries you back

Baby come ashore
To my arms
Baby come home