If you can't find
God in you

You will
Never find God
Anywhere

Search
Right there
Deeply embedded
A light inside

All the best

Like the first inspire of brisk, waking air.
The climbing Carpathian lantern of day.
I sip on tender herbs and taste the gentle stems
Of sensations gone astray.

I feel an awakening.

I stare at the clock on my bedside table watching each minute pass by.

Clear your mind i keep telling myself, Clear your mind.

The red light from the alarm clock seems brighter tonight or maybe its just darker?

Seems like ever thought iv ever had is rushing at me all at once.

Im wondering if i will ever sleep again.

Another minute passes by.

I think of all the people i have ever upset, or times i wishing i had done or send something but didn't.

I think of the people i have lost, My Nan, My aunt and friend.

I have flash backs to the time i drove into a flood and the water flowing over the bonnet.

Another minute passes by.

I think about my aunts dog who was stolen from her garden 20 years ago. It must have been so scared. I hope it didnt get hurt.

I think about getting a drink but then decide it will wake me up more.

Another minute passes by.

I try to clear mind, count back from 100 i tell myself.

100, 99, 98, 97,

what color bin do i put out tomorrow?

96,95,94,

I must remember to check the tyres on my car.

93,92,91,

Another minute passes by.

Whats that noise, is there someone in the house?.

90,89,87

Maybe i should get up at check? Na it will be nothing.

78, 77 have i missed some numbers?

Another minute passes by.

Did i just dream that? Did i fall asleep?

But where does the time go? Between 10:30pm and 3:30 am?
Spent in tears, in laughter, or in silence, all of them capable of being a twilight time zone without you realizing.

Staring at a notecard sized screen. Turning page after page in a book. Repeating to yourself for the seventh time, "just one more" even if you know you still don't mean it.

Those phone calls. The ones when it feels as if saying "goodnight" is like flying back from Neverland.

Laying still, or restless, gazing out in a dark room, up at a popcorn ceiling, each kernel a reminder of an embarrassing thing you said in 5th grade. We crawl into a blackhole of  -wish to be forgotten but always remembered- mistakes.

Rehearsing your script for a significant part of your tomorrow. Imagining possible life memories in anticipation of an adventure that is waiting on you to begin it.  

Solving solutions to problems that haven't occurred.
Searching for answers to the questions our universe has not yet answered.

What is the real order of life to our world?
What is truly beyond the city limits of our atmosphere?
Why do we really ask both a confidant and a total stranger "how are you"?
But more importantly,
why do we always accept "fine" as a desirable answer?
How can five hours feel like five minutes?
And, sometimes, something in our universe will ask us back,
"are you still there"?