Stand still where you are,

don't pass by cursorily --


as if in a set.

I don’t want just a glance.
I want the kind of gaze
that stays,
like I’m a piece of art,
not just a face.

A gaze that falls quiet when they see me,
like I just took their breath away.

I don’t want someone
who only thinks I’m pretty.

I want someone
who sees the messy parts,
the quiet overthinking,
and still thinks
“God, she’s beautiful.”

I want someone
who notices the curve of my smile,
the light in my eyes,
the way my hair falls
when I’m not even trying,
and adores it.

Every inch. Every angle.

I want someone
who doesn’t just compliment me,
but worships the floor I walk on.

Someone who looks at me
like they’ve never seen anything
so beautiful.

Because I’m tired
of being “nice to look at”
but never truly seen.

I want to be admired
out loud.

Not just for who I am inside,
but for how I carry beauty
without even knowing it.

I want someone
who adores me like I’m rare.

Because I am.

Attention is nice

even from a distance, but --


I miss our embrace.

I refuse to listen to the self-harming negative talk in my mind.
I keep refocusing my attention on how I want to talk to myself instead.

Please hurry, help me,

I'm craving for attention --


Tell me a secret!

Putrid,
Repulsive,
Disgusting;
is but human nature.

A deceitful smile brings hurt;
yet a frown brings concern.
No one is out to get you;
yet no one is there to help you.

I want to be great;
a human without hate.
Am I worth something;
worth at least a couple of glances.
Before I die, I want at least a goodbye.
Humans are horrible —
yet I crave their attention.

i didn’t know it would change.
not like this.
not slowly.
not without a moment to hold onto.

you laughed.
it made me feel safe.
alive, even.
that kind of light doesn’t happen often.
and I chased it.
all I wanted to do was make you laugh.

now it’s quieter.
your name shows up less.
you don’t ask to see me.
you wait for me to reach out.
and even then, it’s different.
you say “maybe” to us hanging out.
like i’m the last person you want to be with.

i used to be in your bed.
i used to feel okay there.
like nothing could break me as long as you were near.

now i’m a little lost.
a little cold.
a little too aware of the space beside me.
between us.

maybe i used you.
not on purpose.
but to feel whole.
to feel wanted.
to feel like i could breathe.

that wasn’t fair to you.
i know that now.

but i still miss you.
i still check my phone.
still wonder what you’re doing.
still remember how your presence softened everything.

i’m adjusting.
some days are easier.
some days are still heavy.
but i’m learning to sit with it.

i want more.
not as much as you’d think.
just a little more.
even now.
even if i shouldn’t.
even if you don’t.

and maybe just missing you has to be enough.
I don’t see another way out.
you totally caught my attention.
and now, i fear how hard it will be to get it back.

I crave communication but I want to stay quite
I would love to spend time together but I want to be left alone
I desire to be held but I want my skin untouched
I need someone to care but I want to keep my wall up
I look forward to helping but I want to hide in my home
I enjoy smiling and laughing but I want to cry
I rejoice in feeling alive but i want to feel numb

I want this fog of darkness to end
I want to get lost in my husband's touch
I want to show my love without limits
I want to feel the gentle breeze moving through my curls
I want to sit and listen to all your words
I want to feel like me again

-Shelly Ramos