Love is irrational.
I’ve always been so calculated—
I know the exact number of steps it takes to reach the door,
The weight of every decision I make,
What I like to eat, what I wear,
How the smallest change can throw me off.
Even one spoon of sugar is too much
In my coffee,
Because I like it bitter,
I’ve always liked it bitter.
I still remember the sting of anger
When my mom bought me that red sweater,
How I felt the color clashed with me,
Made me feel ugly,
Made me feel exposed.
I calculated everything to keep the peace,
To avoid the discomfort of sharing space,
Of sharing myself.
But then I saw you.
And everything shifted.
I forgot about the coffee,
About the bitter taste I clung to.
The red sweater didn’t look so bad,
And suddenly I was dancing in a red dress,
Lost in the moment,
And I didn’t care.
I started adding sugar without a thought,
Without hesitation,
Without control.
For once, I stopped calculating,
Stopped measuring the risk.
With you, it was different.
I broke every rule I had set for myself,
Every condition I’d built to keep me safe.
Love, I realized, isn’t something you control.
It’s something that sweeps you up,
Unconditional,
Untamed,
And completely unplanned.
