Just between you and me, clowns…are extremely creepy. And whoever decided that clowns were funny and appropriate for children….. Just noooo.
But even though I hate clowns, I’ve seemed to become one. My red smile on a white coat of paint that is my face.
No…
I didn’t always look like this. I used to look like you. But now I have this, A red painted frown plastered on my face and guess what?!
It’s stuck there.
This is not the kind of make up you can just wash off, scrubbing the skin until it start to bleed and I can’t take the pain anymore.
And I don’t just mean the physical pain. I tried to paint another colour onto my skin, I tried to cover it up but I can’t. People still see it, they ask about it as if it bothers them more than it bothers me.
Yes! Of course! Eyes up here remember? Stop staring at it. Don’t ask me about it, it’s been there for too long…
My clown face can scare people. Do I look like a scary person to you? Is there a reason why children are afraid of me? There is still a person underneath this face paint, underneath this skin.
And people say clowns are supposed to be funny, no wonder people find my face so easy to laugh at.
Come on! Tell me it’s funny, TO MY FACE. I dare you, tell me exactly what it is, and why it’s so funny. I can laugh at it too you know, because I’m supposed to. I’m supposed to just laugh it off.
At the end of the day, I decided to visit the house of mirrors. I walk down the hallway mirrors on both sides and I stop in front of each one and stare at myself in the mirror.
I’m not happy with what I see in it. I’m not content with it, I am not okay with this image being forever, I don’t want this to be me forever.
So, one day, I will find a mirror that doesn’t show me like this, and it exist in people’s eyes, these mirrors exist in the people who see me the way I should see myself. So when I look into the eyes of my friends and family, I can see myself, and I don’t look like this.
One day, I’ll find a way to get this red frown off of my face one day I tell myself.
One day, I’ll stop being a clown…. And I’ll start being me again.
I used to suffer from ****** atopic dermatitis. And that ******.
