Am I to let go once again
To play the fool I have mocked from that day
Am I going to refuse chances
To play the coward I have avoided since that day
I wish I approached this with not fear but acceptance
like I've trained myself to all this while
But honestly I feel the scars to this day
Not the pain I received but rather from the pain I gave

For this emotion's complexity runs far too wide
I am only human
Humans don't walk into caves with no torch
Nor do they dive into oceans without tanks
I open my mouth only to utter silence
For I am speechless in heart but screaming in mind

I apologise in advance with all sincerity
That I treat this with such hesitance
It's not that I'm made of wood or rock
I show no emotion not because I'm heartless
But because I have felt so much, that it no longer tugs my remaining heartstrings
Perhaps I am not worthy of such magic

But i hope you see that your intelligence is boundless
That your kindness awes me and your beauty stuns me truly
But above all, that your imperfections are what gives you identity
Treasure every scar for what makes you captivating is not the amount of outfits you own
But the strength of your honesty

I miss the innocence that we once shared
But I am torn up now
Unwanted and thrown aside
My struggle shall echo in this cave that I've lost myself in
As I take steps forward round and round
Pulling the chains that **** me, pulling the locks that bind me
Clinging on to the hope that you have given me
For it is what I selfishly take for my own

Do you not understand that no means no?
That stop means stop?
That all of this could be over and done,
if you would just listen to what I have to say?

You call me names because I tell you to leave,
and you talk down to me when I don't want to hear your apology.

You say you want to make peace,
but you only want to hear your side of the story.

You say that I'm wrong.
That this is my fault.

But oh, my friend, you are the one at fault.
None of this can fall back on me.

So please, just leave me alone.
That is all that I ask.
I need to clear my head,
because all you're doing is clouding it up.

Please listen to me now when I say no,
since the first time wasn't enough.

It's not easy to revisit our memories
I am not quite sure why
Maybe I actually did love you
Did? Do? Done
I don't know
Maybe I didn't and
It's too hard to admit

Maybe I am a mindfuck
That just likes playing games
Feeling empowered
By breaking bones and hearts on my way up
Seeking control when I'm feeling lost

Maybe I'm ashamed
Because I know I hurt you badly
I kept blaming you too
"We weren't right"
"You were too dependent"
"You were too invested"

Maybe it was me
I don't know what I feel
I don't necessarily regret the break
I do miss you sometimes though
We weren't great at the end
We were definitely something though

Maybe I miss your friendship
Getting ice cream together after it all
That's a memory I can't forget
It was hard for us both
I never told you that though
How do I tell you that
I didn't think we could be friends
Because I couldn't handle it
When it still doesn't mean we should be together again?

Maybe it really was the pressure
"Soulmates"
That's a loaded explanation
You know I crack under that kind of intensity
It's not your fault though
It's easy to desire the untouchable
Especially once you've touched me

Maybe we will never speak again
Maybe we will
Either way I need you to know I'm sorry
Genuinely

Maybe it's because I recently felt
Something similar to the way you might have
Because when someone you love
Desires another
It could **** you

Maybe it was easy to delete the pictures
Simply because I am running away from memories
Maybe I don't want to face these demons
They always catch up eventually

Please just remember
You are strong
You are worth love
You are beautiful
You will find someone who treats you right
You are enough on your own though
You deserve everything good and
You will survive this storm

We were silently sitting
In such a busy afternoon.
The silence, it was hitting me.
I never knew what would come too soon.
What happened, my only boy best friend?
The knowledge between us,
It will never be the same.
My blind eyes and blind heart,
I just loved only one.
Best friends are who we are.
We cannot take it far.
The difference of his and yours,
I cannot even see. I’m blind.
You were like twins,
But I was the reason why.
Why me? Why me? Why me??
Why, my loving dear friend?
Why me? Why me? Why me?
Nothing could have been happening,
Yet I’ve been worrying.
I’ve hurt you all this time.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
I never went deeper and loved.
I loved the knowledge of us…
Being just friends.
Too bad, I loved you too,
I adored you, my friend.
And even wondered if…
You would love me back.
Even wondered if you know.
Even if you wanted to know.
But you don’t.... You don’t.
Cause I loved spending my time…
With you cause you always been there.
But, you don’t know.
If you see this, you might cry.
Please, leave you emotions
Like how your tears will dry.
Hoping you’ll forget me.
I don’t deserve your love.
I left and I left this love untold.
Cause what would you feel?
Cause, I confess that…
I cannot accept this truth. Just can’t.
My words are like knives.
I sharpen them whenever I don’t know.
I threw them blindly to the air...
Not knowing where it would hit.
Until, blood came out of your heart.
This is a game of love
Where only one prince and princess win...
Or nobody gets the crown.
And for you to win,
Just rise and love someone else back.
I’ll be happy even if my heart splits in two.
It all comes back. It really does.
“I loved the knowledge of being just friends...”
Love me but I shouldn’t love you back.
I’m sorry. I love you too,
But, I just can’t.
I’m sorry…