i’m sorry for everything.

i’m sorry that you are afraid of your own thoughts.
i’m sorry you are afraid of your own feelings.
i’m sorry that you believe that you are destined to be alone.
i’m sorry that you can’t talk about your feelings without feeling guilty or selfish.
i’m sorry that you get too into your own head and can’t get out.
i’m sorry that you can’t get into relationships because you don’t think you’re good enough for anyone.
i’m sorry you think you only have friends because they pity you.

i’m sorry you can’t see yourself they way everyone else in your life says they do.

He say sorry
i said apology not accepted
he says sorry
i said apology rejected
cause is sorry isnt sorry in his mind
he'll still hit me time after time
so i know sorry is just a lie
when he says sorry he doesn't mean it
he just wants to make sure i keep his cruelty a secret

Forgive me for when my eyes are shut and my hands roam,
Or when my hands are tied yet my eyes stab.
Forgive me when I am ignorant and stomp my feet,
Or when I softly step into a territory that I know is made for my demise.
Forgive me when I am a coward who thinks she is wise.

Dear G,

It's been a while since we last talked, although we've been messaging indirectly (like this) somehow. That's better than nothing, but still. Knowing that you remember me feels good, since I haven't passed a single day without thinking of you. At least I'm not invisible to you. Like I've said to myself to many times; Letting you go was one of the dumbest mistakes I ever made. It was my own mistake, and I'm sorry.
I can't explain why I left you (yet. someday I will) but I hope that that doesn't stop you from being amazing at what you're doing.
I think that the thing that hurts the most, is not knowing how you're actually doing. The only way I ever hear something from you is stuff on HelloPoetry and via anime memes on your instagram story. Looking at the poems you posted, you're doing better. I don't know if I should be happy or not with that. I probably should, I want you to be happy.
I'm not begging you to get back with me, be friends again or even talk to me. (There would be to much to discuss anyways) Hell, I'd never wanna see myself again. But still,  nothing ventured, nothing gained. Maybe, when you're ready, if you ever will be, or already are, consider it. Consider reviving what we had.

Sincerely, yours

Lillie

Hey.
I sent you another text.
Maybe I shouldn't've.
I was hoping to tell you something.
I don't really know if you care but.
I ate a proper amount today for the first time in months.
Have you eaten?
You probably haven't.
That's okay.
I get it.
I think under normal circumstances you'd be proud.
I actually ate fries and shortcake today.
I forgot my meds though so it made me feel icky.
It's okay.
I even ate some chocolate.
Nearly a full meal at McDonald's.
Well...
At least half.
I gave it my best, though.
How are you?
How's your mom?
Have you eaten?
(I miss you)
How's your girlfriend?
(I love you)
What's been up?
How can I fix this?!?


I'm sorry.

And in the end,
there was nothing to say,
so we sat in silence.
All the words dying in the
back of our throats.
All the apologies we were meant to say
getting lost on our tongues,
never uttered into existence.

My apologies, for not writing the way I used to. I've said it a lot, but still. Writing changed me as a person, and a big part of my life. Yet, I can't find the strength to write anymore. I'm sorry for that. I try to keep up with everything at a pace that's not too slow to fall behind, but not fast. It's just not working out. I need to figue stuff out and find inspiration. When I had to do that, writing was my escape, now it's a burden. I want to keep writing, but it's getting a little harder every day. This is not a goodbye. Hopefully y'all understand it a bit better now. I'll try my best.
Sincerely, GSG