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Natalie Clark Oct 2014
I get up. I stretch out.
I make tea. I head down.
Shower. ***. Shower ***.
Get dressed.
Man hits the brakes too soon.
I'm eating yoghurt with a spoon.
Who let this old woman
Leave her garden?

I never miss this anguish
When it's not here.
Katie Biesiada Oct 2014
This infected flesh
Covers every inch of this body.
Infected with
Pain
Sadness, yet
Emptiness - a lack of
Emotion.
"Oh that this too too solid flesh would melt"
In the words of hamlet;
Maybe then my
Demons would be set free.
Of all the things that haunt me,
Your ghost is the most prominent.
Of all the memories,
The ones of happiness
Are the most heavy.
My mind is full of pain
And anguish
And a lack of empathy,
And full of anger
And poisonous thoughts.
I long for an escape...
Questions curdle
Each disdainful day
A glowering cloud
The threat of rain
Pounding footsteps
Troughs of anguish
Wavering moments
Images of altercations
The pleasure of detesting
Chocolate cake
Flavoured with money
Resentful ripples
Washed up on rocks
Drowning sounds
Solemn and deep
Slowly sinking
Disconcerted water birds
Shimmering reflections
Echoes in the darkness
Displaced by contradictions
Clanging, banging
Bouncing *****
Dissolving memories
Misplaced optimism.
JoshD Sep 2014
How can someone pack some much anger into just a few short sentences?
You finally say what you've been hiding--you're happier feeling lost and out of control
not having anyone, least of all ME, to answer to.  You needed distance
to hide from everyone, ME again, and once again feel like you.

It has been so long, and you come out of your corner, ready to fight, but you know
I'm a pacifist, and I just took your punches, toothless, ******, bruised.  
I let you slide your glinting knives into my heart, let you fillet the remnants of my soul
and serve them to me cold.  
You never needed me, that much was clear, but at least you WANTED me.

Now that is all gone and what am I left here with?  These feelings that you don't care
about anymore, this broken shell of a man who cared so much for you.
And you just threw me away.....said you're happier with the chaos and the voices
then someone who freely offered a shoulder, a smile, an ear, a friendship, a heart.

I will always cherish the time that we had, and will one day, some day, be able to
open my heart again to someone else.  But you took a piece of it today that I'll never
get back.  I'll always have that hole to remember you by.  I think of you every day, when
I wake up, when i go to sleep, in the quiet moments of the day.  

I try to swallow this lump in my throat, pray that this constant ache in my chest starts
to finally fade, that the ache in my center will taper off.  When will I be able to smile,
laugh again, feel joy when my world has crashed down upon me?  She made me feel
and now I just wish i could stop feeling at all.
she finally decided to say what she's been holding in and, even through email you could taste the acid of her words.  how did we ever come to this?
Nathan Squiers Sep 2014
I'm sure you're out there hating all that I have become,
Cursing me and memories of all the things I've done.
I'm sure you're out there wallowing in the depths of I-don't-care-where,
I'm even sure you're chanting that all of it was unfair.
And while I don't feel I owe you a single wasted breath,
Allow me now to tell you how I came to bring you death:

As your lapdog I felt compelled to take you in my jaws,
And as your partner I was shackled by all those grueling laws.
As your master I was bored by every tear you ever shed,
But as your killer I was tickled by just how much you bled.
Can you see it now--should sight allow--what I never could foresee?
That only once, my tortured dunce, could you bleed enough for me.

I may spot you in the ether of the world not quite our own,
And you may ache to see that I have found myself alone.
However...
I've taken many others in the time that you've been gone;
Many who have served me well, so very few withdrawn.
These things aren't said to anger you, but just to give me peace.
I truly hate to plague my mind when my property decease.
Whatever.

As a mistress I was driven to see you beneath my boot,
And as an equal you were never intellectually astute.
As a servant you were lacking in the class that I demand,
And as a pet you oft ignored the rule of the feeding hand.
Through it all--'tween rise and fall--there was the alpha-sin, you see,
Because, darling, though I love you so, you didn't bleed enough for me.
I've always been rather intrigued by stories that were told from the point of view of the villain (or at least what most would consider the villain to be). Every now and again the urge to toggle this perception and offer a unique and rarely utilized narrative device. Earlier, I was enjoying some music by the German synth-metal band "Oomph!" and was motivated by one particular line (that pretty much directly motivated the title herein).

I hope you enjoy ^_^
Slivers of hope remained.
Though scarce, it was enough to push on.
Then
The Call.
Hushed movements
The glimmer of faith,
A diminishing wick,
Cruelly snuffed out by the pinch of confirmation.
The waiting.
The weight of the words
A peripheral flash
Preceding a perpetual storm.
Lamenting
Sorrowful
Groans
Muffled by cupped and shaking hands.
Bowed heads and silence.
Fallen tears of volunteers.
Distorted and stricken faces
Consolidating.
Searching for other faces
Wishing they were home.
When a person is missing, men and women and in some cases whole communities volunteer themselves to help find the person whether they know them or not. Their help is always appreciated, but often their own anguish goes overlooked....
I first posted this on Penlateral a year or so back.
PrttyBrd Sep 2014
A heart skinned alive
Just to prove a love
A soul grated by self-loathing and denial
Finding acceptance for what's shattered
Giving all that's inside 'til you're empty
And all the flesh 'til you're numb
Waiting for a chance
To believe in unspoken promises
Risking, losing your soul to love a shadow
Trusting beyond reason
Yet not at all
Twisted frowns can't be called a smile
And pain is not tantamount to joy
31914
PrttyBrd Sep 2014
Tenere in Memoria
The world now coated in a film
Like faded pictures of long ago
Peeling layers of emotion
Distorting images, memories, perception
Longing to feel that feeling
Any feeling
Tied to when she loved me
Was it but yesterday a year ago
A lifetime in muted colors....still
Dulled by pain
Perhaps, too, by fear
A babe in her arms
Rebellion from the plain fact
That love, in any hue, is real
Friendship out of distance
A foundation of strength
Built on the shoulders of a woman
Stronger than any man
Fragile just the same
Bonded in life
So too in death
Razors slowly replace silence
Muted colors turn angry
Turn black as the void settles in
Every sunny day
A spiteful reminder of joy gone by
Memories revisited more often than made
Time, an immortal enemy
Longing to feel that feeling
Any feeling
Tied to when she loved me
For a friend. You will always be loved.
91614
Nathan Squiers Sep 2014
In this world I cannot hide;
All the monsters are inside,
And they eat me alive...
But I survive--yea, I get another day--
To see all the ways I terrified,
And victimized (it's in their eyes),
In my haste to survive...
Yea, I get another day...
Another day to waste away
So I can claim my own today,
When there's no two ways to say today
That I'm no further than I was yesterday.
The monsters inside who live to prey
Are praying I'll plea for another day;
They're laughing--they're jeering--when I say,
That I'll treat their gift some other way...
They laugh and jive while I'm eaten alive,
Because it's my self-deceit on which they thrive.
They wait inside--I cringe and hide--
And swear that my new day will be new.
But we both know it's not true...
Yea, I get another day...
Another day to waste away on ways to stay;
Ways to stay away from just another day.
So I tell them now--I tell them how--
I'll be someone different...
How I'll strive further,
Push harder.
How I'll love myself like my mother--
How I'll show truer love to others--
And feel a greater bond with everyone and everything...
Yea, I'll tell them the same old thing;
A regular circus; all three rings...
A jester I digest to puke up lies just to justify
Why I somehow deserve another day alive...
Yea, I get another day in this world
From which I cannot hide,
Because the monsters I blame--the monsters inside--
Are just pieces of me consumed by pride.
So what outlet do I have from me?
What chance is there for dignity when all of me
Hungers for misery from the rest of me?
It's those parts of me that haunt me--
What the **** do I want from me?!--
... ... ...
... ...
...
Unless it's not to be in misery.
Unless it's not in me to berate me,
But, instead, to motivate me; liberate me.
What if the monsters in me are torturing me,
So that the lies I feed them become reality?
It's not deceit, I see; it's the truths in me
that push me to push me each day, I see.
Just one more day...
I see.
Because it's in this world I cannot hide,
That I've been hidden to who I am inside;
Hidden from the oaths that I commit,
Just to waste away and then forfeit.
Just one more day...
I've been begging--feeding--for another day; another bore.
But now I'll beg and feed for something greater; something more:
Another day.
So I'd recently fallen into a rather deep depression that ate up a few of my days with a bunch of stupid, morbid questions that, to be blunt, I'd already answered to myself years ago.

But that's sort of what the whole clinical thing is, ain't it: being snagged in a self-inflicted mental net over and over while you feel yourself and others staring in thinking "The hell is wrong with this person?"

Well, I finally pulled myself out of it (with the help of some truly awesome support from my colleagues and readers <3 ) and I've decided to focus more time and effort on my writing.

So here's a fresh-from-depression poem. I'll also be sharing a bunch of new content on my FB author page at https://www.facebook.com/Nathan.Squiers (including updates on the book-to-movie process for my Crimson Shadow series). Many thanks for all the support & comments from my HP peeps; I do what I do 'cuz y'all keep me motivated.

Much love <3
Christopher Lowe Sep 2014
What is pain but momentary
What anguish we fill
if though for a second
It's not time we feel
But the eternal memory
That everlasting moment of remembrance
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