"If I loved you,
would you love me back?

If I cared for you,
would you care for me too?

Answer me truthfully, my love,
if I died, would you even shed a tear for me?

I guess not,
because you never had any feelings for me.

You were just playing with me,
like I was your rag doll,
like I was nothing but a season passing by,
nothing but autumn, a tragic fall."

Theres a light in your room I see from my rooftop tomb
Watching the shadows along the wall
and I know I should look up at the moon
But when I do I’m just waiting for it to fall

They said it takes some time to get over the loss
But thats a mountain I can’t seem to scale
They swore that another would come to take your place
But all those who’ve tried have failed

I find myself laying in the grass at night
Hoping that it pulls me into the grave
To feel such a strong deep embrace
And have nothing left to say

The mountain looks down on me
Smiling sinner
Drop your sunshine around me
Im drowning
Theres anger in the earth now
Time to give birth now
My child has died
Silver lake swimming
Nothing means anything
Anymore
I threw her face against
The wall
I slept in the yard
With the dogs dancing on my chest
Empty nest
Leaving them all behind
Ribbons spill out of me
My arms are dangling
Useless from carrying
Everything
Look down at me mountain man
share with me gods plan
Tell her that I died
Im just a husk of a human hide
How can I explain my
Simple situation
If you’ve never felt a thing

Mind explosions
Of a different kind
They come unexpectedly
Freezing the unconscious mind

With nowhere to run
It is impossible to hide
A terrified hostage
Of the demons inside

Victimized at night
Praying sunlight brings a reprieve
Desperately seeking distraction
From memories one cannot believe

Unknowing of what to do
Unsure of who to trust
Confusion rooted in fear
Is a tumor primed and ready to bust

I did my best to show love to you,
but I guess I'm just too much of an amateur to figure it out.
During our golden hour,
I thought that I had you locked in my heart.
But in my darkest hours,
I felt you fading from my fingertips.
I know I can't make you love me,
but you didn't have to waste my time.
You really hurt me,
leaving me to overthink.
If you have other plans, I would understand,
but you didn't have to leave my messages with no reply.
You really hurt me,
making me believe that you really loved me.

Memories dampened in nostalgia form a constellation in my bedroom. The stale air is muted with the perfect harmony of longing and angst. Perhaps this is just my insomnia giving me a reason to stay awake.