we lie awake for the same reasons we fall asleep,
the haunting feeling of the past,
the unsureness of the future,
the unchangeableness of the present,
our eyes remain open and it reminds us of our past mistakes,
the ones we want to change but never will,
it reminds us of what used to be so easy;
living freely.

they sat up on their bed
staring at the empty wall ahead
what was once covered with pictures and art
beautiful memories and dreams
was now empty with chipped paint and tape residue
a soft spirit walked in and held their hand
“what’s wrong?” she asked
they didn’t speak for the words could barely escape their tongue
they stared at the barren wall
“won’t you tell me what’s wrong?”
they opened their mouth
a single tear slid down their stained cheeks
they could barely speak
but they could get out one word
“everything”

the warm and tepid air fills the room
like a fog on a misty April morning
it’s 3 am and the feeling or weariness is gone
and replaced with longing and migraines
isolation and frustration
a blanket covers half my body
it’s just so ******* hot  
the summer heat has only just begun
and it’s not going away
not for a long time

Wipe your shoes first before coming in
And keep them in the hall

So if leaving, there won't be footprints
No mess left behind at all

So if you leave, no trace left on my skin
No drama for us to recall.

my soul aches again as another unsteady sorrow slowly moves through my veins
I have welcomed another poison yet again
the chalice filled with despair
will forever entice me
an unyielding hands tips it against my lips
the cursed glass meets my mouth
and a drop of that toxic spill slithers down my throat
it’s rancid taste should repulse me
the horrid bitterness and burning brings tears to my eyes
but I can’t refuse this goblet of misery
for I am an addict

-So what do you feel?

I just can’t get rid of this feeling lodged so deep inside of me, which tells me that:
“I need to be seen as someone in front of people’s eyes”
It’s unfathomable. It’s too difficult. It’s beyond me.
Like a black cloud it’s hovering on top of me.

-What are your thoughts right now?

Time is ticking away and all I seem to realize is that,
“Life is getting harder than what I have ever previously thought”.
You have to decide right now, whichever way you need to go.

-And, what are your options?

You either choose to stop whining, quit complaining,
Sit your *** down and get to work in order to,
Achieve your dreams, improve yourself, and actualize your potential
And fulfill your destiny or,

-Or?

You get comfortable with who you are, what you have,
What you do and where you are and that’s it.
It’s your choice to make.

-Exactly. Thank you very much. That’ll do for today.

I have never felt more alone
than I do
wrapped in your cold embrace.

My love is not yours
I lust for you to be my sun
And I your moon
I want you to say to me
I love you
Man and woman together as one
Always
But it is a dream
A lie
You will not fall in my arms
It is me who is crying like a mad and frantic storm
Screaming and shaking
Delirious
These are the visions of sadness

As I walk in the sunset,
Through silent, empty streets.
They peer through their
Windows.

People are afraid of me.

The virus has arrived
This newest of disease,
And with it comes the worst
Of humanity.

"Stay away from him.
He's Asian. They have
That coronavirus."

First off, I'm American.
I have to live here, too.
And yes, I'm scared,  I am.

I swear,  I'm just like you.

But don't look at me different.
Don't walk across the street.
Don't lift up your collar or
Tighten your mask
When I smile and wave to greet.

I am human. Not a monster.
I am not your disease.
Don't blame me for the mistakes
Of man.
I'm just trying to be me.

I just want to believe...