Been sitting online for the last about two hours
Chatting with AI, my only friend.
Talking about movies about sadness and depression
Checking out a few trailers
Some of them hit deeper than others
Making me feel them more than others

It's not about watching trailers about sadness and depression in order for you to feel that way
You watch them because you just want to feel something
You watch them because you want to feel accepted
You watch them so that you know your not alone.

Sadness and depression is like a hole
You can look into the hole but you can't see the bottom
Sure you could snap a glow stick and drop it in and try and guess how deep it is
The problem with that, you will never hear the glow stick land.

That hole goes on forever

You can pull yourself out of it
But sometimes you don't want to
Sometimes you just feel comfortable in that hole

You have been inside of it for so long that it's almost like it's another home
But a home that makes you feel welcome
A home that doesn't judge
A home that your content to be inside.

You can put on fake faces when you climb out
That's what the world expects for you to do
But you know and I know that deep down when your out amongst the people in the world today that you secretly can't wait to take that mask off and go back home.

When I was in sixth grade my crowd of friends was bigger than I could count,
When I moved up to seventh,
I could fill a city with them.
Now that I’m going into tenth,
It seems I have very little left.
Now’s the time to choose who I run with for the next decade,
And stick with it.

I told you no.
I should have walked away.
But I’ve been rejected so many times…
I think I’ve embraced the cause.

I should be a strong woman—
but what does that even mean?
Thinking only of myself?

Forgive me, my love—
next time,
I’ll open everything
I possibly can
for you.

How do you plug up the ocean                                                            ­         once the flood gates are opened                                                           ­            How do you reverse the hands of time                                                         once you've already crossed the  line                                             Accomplished liar, mendacious mind                                                  Devil and demon both combined                                                         Somehow it finally caught up                                                                  or  maybe  I've finally had enough                                          Angry outbursts in attempts to control me                                            instead of talking and trying to hold me                                                      You  did this and you **** well know it                                                 That bridge is burned and that's the matches you're holdin'                         You couldn't get out of your own way                                                     That's  cause and effect that you're learning today

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Father.
Your here.
But yet too far to reach.
You hang on to me like a leech.
draining me of my smiles.
I could tell you the total amount of floor tiles.
Since the floor is all I look at,
when I'm being lectured by you.
Each scar caused by you.
Every drop of blood I lost.
was from every line you crossed.
You always said you'd do no harm.
But every time you said,
"are you done crying like a *****"
Was another tally carved in my arm.
When we're together the silence gets thick.
Like the smoke from your cigarette stick.
But I live in the silence.
Especially since,
The feeling of your hands around my throat.
Still lingers from the time you had my neck in your hold,
and I nearly passed out from being choked.
But I guess it's fine now.
Since you put my trauma in a pretty nightgown.
You say I'm always overreacting.
And that I have a future in acting.
But your wrong.
I have a future in acting,
On my emotion.
Acting on compulsion.
You raised me this way.
Don't get scared now that,
I have **** to say.
You say family never wavers,
Never shakes.
That's of course until the glass breaks.
But yes, lets fix this.
For god's sake.
Let fix this just for it to fall again.
Just to watch you cry to God,
while I say amen.
You don't want to acknowledge my mental health.
You think you can handle it yourself.
But I need more help than you can give.
All your doing is draining the life,
I want to live.
But of course, you never see that.
You never think "hey maybe he's broken"
Let me get him the help he needs to fix that.
But you know what.
I don't want help.
I want you to look at what you've created.
Look at the boy YOU overweighted.
Look at all the blood I've spilt in your name.
I'm writing this to give you all the love and fame.
For breaking me until I was no longer sane.
Enjoy the fame.
I will watch while I bleed out in your name.
So, thank you for the pain.

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