Life is unfair; sometimes the misery we can't bear.
This was a feeling I could never share.
I am strong, strong enough to move on from this pain.
I won't feel the shame; my life is not a game.
Tired of these tears and my fears,
I will cherish my inspirations.
I will find my dream, I promise; that's what I will achieve.
I will find a way to leave.
I'm not who you will deceive.
I believe in miracles; these people laugh like it's hysterical.
I won't fall; I may be lost, but I will be found.
One day I will find the perfect life; life will run beautifully,
I will fly like a butterfly through the night, will have a pleasant sight.
Afraid but I will fight.
No boundaries, free my mind of all the pressure.
Leaving here will be my pleasure.
I want so much to be free; so much I want to see.
I want to reach the sky; I want so badly to fly.
See, I used to be a fool when I let you treat me cruel.
I made a mistake, but I won't let myself break.
Leave me, for God's sake.
So now I kneel down to pray.
For these times of struggle I will just say,
I'll leave in your hands, God. I will let go.

You told me you were trying.
I told you about the time
I threw up so hard I started praying.
I saw stars in my hair
and thought they might be angels.
But it was just the acid.
Just the light.
Just me, alone again
in a bathroom that never loved me back.

You didn’t say anything,
and that said everything.
You texted “sorry”
like a magician pulling shame from his sleeve,
then disappeared
like a good lie.
I stopped asking you
to prove yourself after that.
I just started watching
to see if you ever would.

Maybe I made the whole thing up.
Maybe you did say something.
Maybe it was kind.
Maybe it was cruel.

Maybe the light flickered
because of bad wiring,
not heaven.
Maybe I was just sick.
Maybe you were just tired.
Maybe none of it meant anything.

But then why
do I still dream in that fluorescent color?
Why does the silence still have your shape?
I built a chapel from our last conversation.
Tried to make the ache holy.
But I was the only one kneeling.
And no one wants a martyr
who won’t shut up.

You said I was unwell.
I said, Amen.
You said I was always bleeding.
I said, Isn’t that what makes it a miracle?
Because if this isn’t a resurrection,
then I’ve been dying for nothing.

I gave you the ugliest parts-
even the bathroom prayers,
even the version of me
that asked God to make you gentler.
You said, “I didn’t ask for that.”
I said, “Exactly.”

You weren’t the end of the world.
You were just the earthquake
I canonized.
The tremor I learned to waltz with.
The reason my mouth still tastes like salt
and I call it grace.

So if God ever comes back,
I’ll know how to greet him:
on my knees,
already emptied.

I'm renouncing the pain I spoke over myself.
I'm renouncing the hatred I spoke into this family.
the hatred spoke into those of my past,
the Boy who made me realise I was filled with lust,
I am renouncing the words that I spoke and listened to that reduced and reduce my self esteem.
I am renewing my mind with The word.
I am renewing my mind with His love.
I am allowing Him to work through me.
I am forgetting the past, refusing to ponder on old history.
Please carry me through Lord, increase this capacity.
I am so used to ignoring my feelings that accepting them make me feel like I am  wrong.
So peace to my heart.
Joy to my mind.
Salvation to my soul.
The lord  in my spirit, He alone makes me whole.
Please teach me how to navigate and accept these feelings Lord, you gave them to me for a reason.

Oh God, my God
I am deep in my doubt
Forgive me of this worry
Forgive me of this spout-
-of words mixed together
Possibly blasphemy
I’m sorry , Oh Father
Even though You’ve set me free.
I am like the reed in the wind
And the unstable tide
Oh Lord, root me in You
I hang on to survive
The poison is swelling
Why am I letting it be?
Father please forgive this
Please forgive me

The ETERNAL MAJESTY of the ALMIGHTY

!. O Lord, our God, how majestic is Thy name in all the earth!  
   Thy glory transcends the heavens and fills the expanse of creation.

!!. From the rising of the sun to its setting,  
   Thy faithfulness is proclaimed. Thy light guides us through every shadow.

!!!. Thou set the stars in their place and call each one by name.  
   In Thy wisdom, Thou shaped the universe and the world below.

!V. The mountains bow before Thee, and the seas roar with Thy praise.  
   All that Thou hast made speaks of Thy grandeur and Thy eternal power.

V. Thou art the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End.  
   Thy sovereignty endures through all ages, unchanging and true.

V! . The heavens declare Thy righteousness, and the earth reveals Thy grace.  
   From the smallest creatures to the vast skies, Thy handiwork is evident.

V!! . Thou art our refuge and our strength, a very present help in trouble.  
   We lift our hearts in worship, for Thou art worthy of all honor and reverence.

V!!! . Let our lives be a testament to Thy glory,  
   Our words and deeds a reflection of Thy love and holiness.

X! . Praise be to Thee, O Almighty God, from everlasting to everlasting.  
   We exalt Thy holy name, now and forevermore.

X. Amen.

shattered
torn asunder
in the maelstrom
the churning
of colliding seas
how we
were tsunamis
cast from foreign worlds
towering o'er star-crossed shores
devouring civilizations
those were my dreams

and there
with light eclipsing the sun
were angels
whilst God commanded
who should be saved
and who would meet
their end
by the maws
of the surging grave
the tides if death
the vengeance we partook o'er evil
to sap the fires
of the cannibals' cauldrons
of the wicked witches' works
of the devil's deed scouring the lands of innocence
tilling world for harvests of souls
God warred with fury
with wrath untold
with heaven's war cries raging, bold
I saw the towers
fall as dominoes
shrieks of villainy
soups of human flesh spilled,
feasts ruined in droves
and I ne'er wept so poorly
ne'er kissed the ground so humbly
watching the world overturned in its savagery
by change so indomitable
by goodness so gracious

but I had
as all children do
given up my dreams
of being heroic
of being a champion
for justice
was God's alone

I gave up my visions
of power unassailable
of justice that trounces reprisal
of vengeance beyond sin,
I gave it all up to God
to a victor
who is more
than a conqueror
to a being
who is love incarnate
whose surrender
is destruction loosed upon the wicked
whose mercy
touches only those who art cleansed
of their murderous hearts
and their chaotic whims

I gave up my power
to the redeemer of all who art redeemed
and to the devils I say,
woe betide those who consort
with the fallen one
whose days shall no longer be numbered
when the gates of damnation
close in upon him
and open again
no longer...