You found a sunflower girl
With golden hair and freckles on her cheeks
She won your heart and then broke mine
I want to hate her but I can’t
With eyes so blue they put the summer sky to shame
I can see why you fell for her

Her eyelashes are long, reaching towards the sun
They flutter as she looks up at you and smiles
In that moment I almost fall in love with her myself

I promised myself I’d never get in the way of your happiness
But she shines so bright
I can’t see clearly anymore
She’s made a fool of me and she doesn’t even know it
I want to hate her but I despise myself instead
Why did it have to be her

You like Queen more than anyone I’ve ever met
I broke my own heart
And now Freddie Mercury sings me to sleep each night

I can’t let you go
Even though I never had you to start with
I’ll trick myself into thinking you could possibly love me

You’ve got blonde hairs in your car but they’re not mine
Her dye job looks better than my genetics ever did
You replaced me with someone better
I am the before photo and she is the after
She plays me better than I ever could

i checked the shoe box in
the closet, i have 54$ in cash
a small part of me wishes
i had millions,

but another part of me
is glad i don't.
the wanting takes root in that i
wish i could fly down to see you;

(new york is far away,
though you remain in my heart)
(realistically it
would be a taxi then train-ride) but truthfully

the burden of money
is greater than that of a broken heart.
my father didn't have
to teach me that;

for
the world did instead.

The soft glow of my skin
The warmness of my smile
Beaming for all of you.

The sarcastic smirk upon my face
and the bite of my ruby lips
Shows for no one but you alone.

For them, I will give
my excitable nature.
My witty responses
and my songs of joy.

For me
I will give
Myself.
A true nature
A genuine look.

Do not take pity for me
as these personas hold deeper meaning

They are not facades.

They are all part of my chameleon soul.

The joyous reflection
of your smile
in my tangerine dreams.

Tangerine, tangling.

The dunes in your eyes
and the tributaries in your thighs
Never want to be seen.

Tangerine, my precious queen.

I never want to leave your scene
I'm happier than I've ever been
My heart will always glow marine
For you, I will scream:

"Tangerine dreams!"

Mine own lingering love,
like a fawn in a meadow
Lurking cautiously.
It hath no place here,
yet only here it is.

Mine own love lingers.
Like the echoes of a siren
present in a sailor's head.
A voiceless lamentation.

My love should not linger,
units of hurt,
of pain,
barrel down all at once.

A fawn, murdered by a crimson bullet;
A siren's song, questioned and forgotten.

They do not have lingering love,
they are hurt.

As am I.
But I do not care.
I only love

And my lingering love does not care.

You and your coldness
Yearn for my touch
And mine only.

The touch only I can give
The fire only I can ignite
inside of you.

Calor, calor.

The devilish smile of the blaze
Hell boiling
inside of us.
Between our love.

You are only cold.
Oh, how you need my warmth!
Oh, how you need my love!
Oh, how you need me!

Calor, calor.

My love burns.
Your skin
Your flesh

Down
to
your
bone

Burned.

Calor!

You cry
But the burning does not stop.
It must not stop.

I love you
As you love me.
Only.

Calor, calor.

Tonight I’ll dream of lavender
Of fields filled with flowers
And a boy with ocean blue eyes
Who keeps his promise when he says he’ll never hurt me

It’s only at night that I allow myself to think of you
You are my filthiest thoughts
Of nights filled with laughter
Stolen kisses and sideways glances
I think about how badly I want you to touch me

Touch my hand in a dark room
Squeeze my knee in the car
Brush your fingers against my spine when we’re shopping
I don’t care what you do as long as you mean it

Tonight you’ll tell me that you love me
I’ll wake up before I get to answer
The sun shining through my blinds,
a reminder of what will never be

In my dreams you ask to kiss me
Your voice thick like honey
I say yes, sweet as sugar
I wake up and still feel the ghost of your lips on mine

Tonight I’ll beg for a nightmare
Anything to keep you off of my mind
I can’t keep loving you deeply
Breaking my own heart is a daily occurrence
I don’t have enough in me to keep from falling apart

You want me to be your manic pixie dream girl
So today I am a gardener
I’ll plant daisies and you can put them in my hair

Tomorrow you’ll fall in love with the freckles on my nose
I’ll make you sing along to bands you’ve never heard of
We’ll stop on the side of a highway to watch the sunset
I’ll remind you of what it feels like to be alive

You tell me to be a supporting character in your great adventure
So I’ll tag along behind you
Make you stop and look at bugs on the sidewalk
You’ll love the way I’m not like other girls

I’ll get a tattoo of a flower on my ribs
You’ll call me amaryllis
And I’ll change my name because you want me to
I’ll be the garden you grow with your green thumb
The one you show off to your friends
Make them bask in my beauty until you feel better about yourself

Eventually I’ll lose my shimmer
No more golden glitter, just dust
You’ll write the final chapter of my life
Give me the unsuspecting ending you believe I deserve
Stuff me in a suitcase and bury me in the backyard
Make everyone believe I ran away
Chasing a romanticized version of life I could never give

Love is so foreign to me that I don’t know how to recognize it
I often mistaken love for kindness
And kindness for pity

Love is a language I’ve always wanted to learn
but will never speak

Your love was nostalgia
When you were around I longed for the old me
The girl who knew how to differentiate loneliness
from butterflies

One rainy night you grabbed my hand
It felt like a hundred bee stings
and I mistook it for a spark
I thought the shock running through my body was love
When it was only lightning

Love is a song I remember the  melody to
But mess up when singing the chorus
The foundation is there
but I always forget the correct words to fill in the empty spaces