Time's running out
for the summoned courage
that took me beneath your warmth.
Precious moments
slipping through the minutes,
counting the seconds left
before I have to leave your arms.

"Hold me, please, even when our time stops."

It was my doing.
I ruined your world,
so you made your own,
where our memories are invalid,
and my name is unknown.
-Ar

I still know how you take your coffee
And how you prefer baths
But your legs are too long to sit comfortably
You’re all long limbs and bones
Soft skin and freckles

I remember falling in love through a computer screen
Watching your hair grow out  
As we grew apart

Sixteen was magic for me
I met you and never went back
Even now I remember the curves of your back
And the night of our first date
Ice cream in May never felt more right

You still have my sweater
I still have forgotten hair ties
And your dads hat from a few summers ago
I can’t let go of you completely
You have a piece of me forever
And I don’t want it back
I just want to see you again
So I can thank you for loving me
When nobody else could

Broken blue boy
My heart aches for you
And yours for her
But I don’t know how to stop loving you

She broke your heart
So tell me why my chest is aching
I’d take all the pain you feel
At no cost at all
If only you’d look me just once with admiration in your eyes

I’ll mend your heart
Stitch it together with a needle and thread
I’ll sew my hand to your chest
Feel your heartbeat beneath my palm
Reminding us both that you’re alive and healthy
Even if your mind is struggling to go on without her
Your heart still beats in tune with mine

Broken blue boy
Someday you’ll wake up and laugh again
The sun will feel warm on your skin
And you’ll realize that your chest is no longer hollow
Someday you’ll wake up
And your heart will no longer beat for her
But for yourself

He recalls the details of the grand fair-
Dark Amontillado seeps in a bit.
Sure of his love’s bright light that’s waiting there.

He offers up to God a silent prayer-
If it is heard he will have to admit
he makes his way to his first ever fair.

He steps into a swell of steamy air
where half-truths and quick looks pull him to it.
Sure of his love’s bright light that’s waiting there.

The signs all point, but his mind is elsewhere.
What kind of ode praises the opposite?
He arrives at the ever-popular fair.

The whole town knows but he decides not to care.
He trusts the Snakes had nothing to omit.
Sure of his love’s bright light that’s waiting there.

She always hid but now wants to care.
Adieu chérie scrawled on the eyes; unfit
he waits at the gate of her past love’s affair.
He never truly looked for her there.

All around me, every day, I see them, lurking
Characters teasing me, praising me, staring at me, smirking
They're there every day, waiting, preying upon me, I'm their target
These characters of mine, I loathe them, they speak to me using an argot

Characters, they won't leave me alone, droning on and on in my head
I can't get rid of them, they'll never leave, each one I hope to shed
These characters most people call "voices," but that doesn't explain much
They hold onto me, suffocating me, they're a huge mental crutch

They're just holding me back, but I can't push them away, I hate it
Characters, I avoid and ignore them, but I share their pain, I'm a hypocrite
I despise them all, each and every one, I need them gone
These characters, these "voices," they're a "phenomenon."

Characters, such a repetitive topic, repetition is so boring
I hope I can keep this up a little longer, my abilities restoring
These characters limit the things I can do, I have a mental lock
I don't know how to express it, I might go into shock

I hope one day they'll leave me for good, they're such a pain
Characters I see, in the darkest puddles, and in each and every drop of rain
I can't ever get rid of them, they're here with me for life
These characters of mine will be with me, even in my afterlife

You were supposed to be my forever girl,  
the only person i’d ever write another poem about.  
Your slender fingers intertwined in mine,
making it impossible  
to write a single word
but it would always be worth it when I saw your eyes.

I thought we’d get married,
two white dresses standing out  against the autumn leaves.
But you never liked the breakfast club,
or neck deep  
and you laughed every time
I said I wanted to be a poet.  

It’s been a long time since I adored you,  
since I saw a future in your smile.  I’ve been watching pretty in pink,
something you thought
looked boring  
but i’m loving it.  

I still love you
but not in the way I used to;  
there’s no indie movie playing our story
like I had hoped once before  
but i’m finally alright with that.

When I was fourteen you caught my attention. We were on our way home from school, summer vacation on the horizon. You turned to me, your thighs sticking to the fake leather seats of the bus, and smiled. It was in that moment that I knew you would change my life.

That night we ate ice cream as the sun set and played dance dance revolution in your basement. I was all red cheeks and stutters, you were freckled cheeks and laughter. I swear I could’ve fallen in love with you right then.

It wasn’t long before we were inseparable. Days were spent in your room, safe from the world hidden behind closed blinds and air conditioning. Nights were spent at my house, laying on my trampoline staring at the stars, just close enough to touch but never brave enough to.

On July 1st we watched the fireworks at the park we both grew up at, I watched your face as the colours lit up the sky and in that moment I decided you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever laid eyes on. That night you tackled me to the ground, your face just inches above mine and I swore you were going to kiss me, but you never did. If I kissed you first maybe you wouldn’t be gone now.

When I was sixteen I told you I was in love with you, and you apologized because you didn’t love me back. I’ll never forget the feeling of my lungs deflating, it was like you took my feet out from under me and suddenly I was free falling.

After that night we stopped hanging out as much. You stopped asking me to stay the night, I pretended to stop thinking about kissing you, which eventually turned into actually not thinking about kissing you. But old habits die hard and sometimes I wish I would’ve taken the chance when I had it.

On long summer days beside your pool. On cold nights when we huddled together for warmth, your legs tangled in mine. If I had kissed you would you have kissed me back? If I never mistook your kindness for love would you still be mine to adore?