But we
We’re not a spark baby ,
We’re a burning fire
You’re the one I most desire

Though I am by myself
You are always with me

My shadow had taken shape of your own

The silence loudly leads me down long winding paths deep
The darkest crevices of my troubled mind

The more I veer to avoid pull attempting to navigate thoughts to a happier place
Faster I race to the opposite destination
Location I have grown to rightfully hate

Why must memory torture me so?

I wish I could harness control

I long to shrug off my shoulders like a coat two sizes too big

Heavy
Unbecoming

But you stick tighter to my body than my very own skin

Take more space in my veins than my blood

Your life holds far more importance than the pathetic one I endure myself every day

I bottle emotions up
Learned that from you

I know that is not healthy but since you are never going to get better there is no point in me getting well either

It appears to be working swell for you so why not give it a shot?

Being a 20-something year old crybaby sure was not doing me any favors

Only still am an emotional wreck
I am a little more fluent in composure now

So writhe on the inside instead

A blank expression while war rages within

Morals and values defending self-esteem as best as they can from attacks from demons with their most powerful weapons
Doubt
Degredation

Battleground foggy with lies you said
Bombs exploding with the sound of laughter
Smelling gunpowder from the fireworks set off just by merely visualizing your face

A whole ****** battle concealed by layers of makeup and brushed brunette hair

And worst thing about this isn't even the casualties

It's that you are not even worth the fight

This should have never started, you and I.
Got lost in all the feelings and the moments of lies.
Now all I ever know is the pain deep inside, I tore my heart open just to keep you alive.


I always put you first and forgot who I was deep down inside, drowning in the fear of letting go of what we could have had, we should never have happened and you know that I'm right. This love we had changed both of our lives.


Now I think I've learned my lesson trying to keep you by my side, I never needed you all along and lost myself in the process to make you feel loved and you're the one.


I blame myself because I knew that I deserved better but I kept falling for you and your promises of a happy life just because I wanted to feel a love that I never had.


I never thought I'd find myself again after I lost myself because of you, but now the fog has lifted in my head and I see the real you. Changes are made by the ones that want it, but you... I don't think you'll ever change yourself to be the best version of you.


Don't expect to come back again now that it's all clear and makes sense to me, I put you first because you just wanted to use me, now I know that everything that happened between us was just a way for you to cope... Because you needed my love to pick you up and make you high when you needed it most.


It all makes sense now the way you treated me... Was just a reflection of how you couldn't see, see your own worth and your ability to love yourself so you needed me the most as a lifeline to save yourself from your own insecurities.

POETRY:
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Evoking feelings one thought they couldn't possibly ever feel since, well, the beginning of time.
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