Everytime I see your name,
hear your voice,
see your face,
I get this sinking feeling inside
because we no longer talk.
And what a tragedy,
for we broke so quietly,
without a single drama.
You went with your friends,
people I am strongly against,
and I went with my new friends.
I've always known that one day
you are not going to be mine.
But whenever I hear you laugh
coming out of my speaker,
my fingers itch to type 'hi' and
talk about my day with you.
But I don't.
I know you're going to reply warmly.
But I also know, that we won't be
what we used to be.

I lost myself somewhere in-between our ending and all of the might've been's
I wanted it to be you
the kind of love that was always more forest fire than fairytale
and all I know is you left me someplace in the middle of "I miss you" and "I need space"
I fell into your hesitation because it was all I had left

why we do this to ourselves
remains a mystery

our conversations all wear
the same clean livery
the words fall into line
as if they've been rehearsed
it's like we're both too scared to improvise
it's a curse

why is either too afraid
to be the first to speak a phrase
overwhelmed with what the other
could think or do or say

why do we look into
each other's eyes
and tell ourselves
the same old lies
believing

that this feeling

will one day
go away

- p. winter

Ship in the harbor, I’m leaving today
the sails are set,
I don’t know yet
where it’s going to stay.
Across the crystal water, I’m leaving today
the only place I know I’m going
is that I’m going away.

All the people at the station living out their day
I go to  wander and pray,
I wonder if any of them
have felt this same way.
When my trains pulls from the station I’m going away
Far from all the things I’ve known,
I need to get away.
When I’m gone
will it make a difference?
If I don’t come back
would you remember me?

Speakers at the airport calling meaningless names
I don’t care if it’s mine,
to me they’re all the same.
Pain grows smaller with runway lines, to the sky we take
flying today,
just to get away.

If I flew too high,
would you look to the sky for me?
If the ship went down,
would you look to the sea?

New city every day, finally I am away
I don’t speak the language,
I have nothing to say.
Life can be good whe you get away,
replaced with the longing
to find somewhere to stay.

almost is never enough
maybe i'm too blame
for the read messages
missed calls
ignorance
for the short glances
for all the times i said i would, but didn't
for every word i said, yet couldn't mean
walking by you though looking past your presence

almost is never enough
to all the times i caught you staring
i never wanted you to turn away
all the times you wanted me to be yours
"yes" i would've said
but you never asked

almost is never enough
at last, after all those weeks of denial
i longed for you
completely
with so much hope and ecstasy carried on my shoulders
i-
naive and thoughtless
ready to be swept by your winds
i stepped foot in your storm
hoping that the wait would be worth it

almost is never enough
i search for you amidst all the rage set in place
in pure solitude you sit in the eye of the tempest.
infuriated. wretched.
when all at once comes a figure
someone i'd never seen before
pleasing to all who looked upon her
your eyes fixated on her
chaos
madness
fright
terror
and then
silence
almost is never enough

-c. alejandra

Reflection.
It’s in everything, everywhere.
in the water you run away to when things get hard,
in the glass shards on the ground every night,
in the spoon you hold while you eat breakfast alone,
in the screen of the phone you use when you have thoughts.
Reflection is everywhere, in everything.
Almost.
Because it’s not in the mirror you stare into,
when it’s 2 am and you’re desperate to know yourself.

Drudged for the gold but drawn silver
Yearned for warmth, greeted by shiver
Braved the tempest for your embrace
Awoke with heart that ran a race

Oh, Star! My Star, empyreal
Your luster is ethereal
I reached, resolved and full of hope
Lo! I gaped through a telescope!

Within arm's span but could not grasp
Stung achingly like spider wasp
A shunned love, a bursted bubble
Such pain is unfathomable

Bewildered thoughts, our hearts won't weld
Let go of things I never held
Tender soul, albeit bereft
Set free someone I never kept

And though the sun shined ever bright
All I can do for now is write
And bid the long tale to a ghost
Of a love most true, but almost